My dear esteemed patients and correspondents!

It was not my wish to let your many pleas for help go unanswered but even a humble doctor such as myself is called away to foreign climes on urgent business. And then there was that tricky matter of threatened litigation concerning the squeaking G-string and a bottle of motorcyclists' graphite lubricant... Such are the tribulations of life.

Anyway, I am back now and at your disposal once again to dispense such hope and comfort as I can to the needy.

Let us start with guest Mr Thor Symyrrschesen's problem....
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Dear Thor the Mighty,

I would like to point out from the outset that I do not claim to be a species of deer although some have occasionally called me an ass!

I think the trouble may be that you have a problem with your Ring. Hagen is definitely after it ("Schläfst du, Hagen?").

You will recall that, on the banks of the Rhine, the maidens were bewailing their lost treasures. These are clearly the bras they are taking from their boozums and offering you. They are, in fact, probably pleading for your Ring, perhaps mistaking you for Hagen (not Nina in this case). Are you sure they are not calling "Ring of yours Hagen, might be sore..."?

If this is the case, a simple and repeated application of a medicinal product such as Scleriproc or a similar formulation may ease the irritation which is clearly intense enough to cause you to needlessly destroy your valuable instrument on stage. (Which as you correctly state, you require to control the annoying outbreaks of acne.)

A potentially more serious problem is that, unless you follow my advice and stop pretending to be Hagen, there is a serious danger that, at the climax of your act, the maidens will drag you to your death which is a fate I would, of course, not wish to befall any of my patients.

Hoping that this is of assistance.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Guitar

P.S. I think it wise to remain in Scotland for the duration. Trips along the Rhine should be avoided until the problem clears up.