Dear Reverend Dick....though I doubt there is anything reverential in yours,

Obviously you have had an upbringing that taught you there was no value in a good session of pud pounding. I always found it odd that people like yourself found whipping the Bishop to be evil since you reside in a State full of complete wankers.

I'm afraid that I cannot accept your offer as I am otherwise engaged in development of the "Super Slick Pneumatic Action Vibrating Auto-Suck." We are ready to go to market with this fine product with only one minor problem left to solve. We have a 900 number ready (1-900-WAD-SHOT) and a line of TV Infomercials ready to be produced.

The only problem we have at the moment is sizing. The product is available in 5 sizes ranging from the Spaw Special, a real whopper of a beast powered by a 426 Hemi, down to our smallest, the Micro-Mini, which fits the average white guy and is powered by a small rubber band. However we have been unable to assemble a usable and pleasurable product for those even smaller (like yourself) and our R&R department thinks they now have one ready for testing so we recently engaged a group of testers from Mississippi who are ideal for that purpose.

Once this product is out and doing well I can be available to help out in your "show." I would expect royalties of course and the chance to peddle a few Auto-Sucks to those who think you are completely full of shit.

Best Regards,

Cat-fire up that Mopar-Spaw