Oh, but Martin Ryan's song sounds like a version of the London-based "She loved a Portuguese" - in which he was battered black and blue (er?)before being bunged down the sewer. As a consequence of seducing someone else's girlfriend on pints of Babycham.

"And when she heard what he had done, she made his poor life hell.
So just for the sake of peace and quiet he done her in as well.
And now he's up before the beak, to answer for his crime.
The judge said, I don't like what you did first off, my lad, but I forgive you the second time."

The song is also notable for, "I didn't like Portuguese in general, and in particular I didn't like him"