Ha! Actually, there no doubt ARE Cubans trying to sneak into the USA from Canada. There are lots of 'em in Toronto.

Why the hell they would want to leave paradise, come to chilly Canada, and then try to sneak into the USA is beyond me...but of course you can't get Big Macs in Cuba! Yeah, that must be it. Or else it's the DVD players, and the Rap clubs...

I am well aware that my long hair trips an alarm signal in certain border officials whose brains have atrophied from living a middle class lifestyle for way too long, but I have remedies for that.

1. I dress neatly

2. I have a clean car

3. I make sure the car isn't full of a ton of stuff

4. My ID is all in order

5. I answer their questions politely, and add nothing extra

6. I never argue with them. Never.

7. I tell them what they want to hear (boring, ordinary stuff)

These six methods work great with cops too! Try 'em...

- LH