Fair Youngmaid,

The pain goes away. It takes time, but it goes away.

I was married for 17 years. Had my life all planned out. When we were done I felt alone and unprepared to venture out into the world of men again. So, I made the mistake of falling in love, (now I know I actually wasn't in love). He told me he was separated from his wife and until the divorce, we had to keep our relationship secret. Stupid, huh? After about a year of this, I finally told him I was going to start seeing other people and I did.

I couldn't get serious because I was too hurt, so I just enjoyed new friends with a variety of backgrounds. I started enjoying the freedom of being single and was very reluctant to give up this freedom.

Men have this freedom far more than woman, because we are taught that being close with more than one person meant you were a really bad person. Men can see more than one woman and it is generally accepted. Woman can't, so we don't see the fun men have with variety. I was really reluctant to give up my freedom and make a commitment to any one person...til my honey, Glenn, came along. His love, gentleness, wisdom, and honesty (yes, I actually met an honest man)!NOI! just won me over. I couldn't bear to be without him and to continue the way I was, I'd have to loose him.

So you see, I can understand how some men feel. Others have been through hell with a woman and don't want to do it again. I find this in many older men. They enjoy being alone with no one to order them about.

When you feel capable of venturing out again, and I hope it's sooner rather than later, enjoy meeting men and having fun. Don't expect anything more than what the men are willing to give. You will break some hearts and will have yours broken again before you come together with someone you really want to enjoy your life with. Never give your life to anyone, just find someone you would like to share your life with. This freedom will give you the opportunity to see the beautiful variety of friendships you can develop. Even if they don't turn into a lifetime committment, you still enjoy each other and remain friends.

One very important thing..never lie to anyone. When someone asked me out and it seemed we might develop a relationship, I always told them I was not going to get serious and would be seeing other people and I hoped they understood. Somtimes they didn't and we wouldn't see each other again. They respected my honesty and we stayed friends..usually.

Even though I am totally committed to my honey, the men I saw before Glenn are still my friends and we keep in touch. Now they are just good friends.

I think the secret is not to depend on someone else for happiness, but to share happiness with each other.

Good luck. Fair Oldermaid.