I have had an idea.   Why not using he Licensing Bill to create a new music police force. Wearing bright red uniforms and armed with electronic tuners and metronomes they could have the power to issue £100 fixed penalty notices to any musician who hit a bum note, or exceeded 120 beats per minute.

Special attention could be given to piano accordionists, bagpipers and harmonica players with a 50% penalty uplift. Saxophonists would have double penalties.

Controls could be introduced and enforced by this lot as to what is played. Jazz could become a serious criminal offence carrying six months, folk music, if the words are not approved, could result in long terms in psychiatric institutions, and as to anyone playing Bach, well, remember how many children he had as a result.

This could at a stroke, reduce unemployment for musicians, increase government revenue and impose total control.