Ebbie - thank you. It's a relief to know that feeling so :-( is a natural thing, and that it will get better. I thought I must be really bonkers or something. Last time I quit was 20 years ago and I don't remember being depressed, just aggravated. It was when I got arrested - for something I didn't do - a few months later that I broke down under the strain and stress and started smoking again. The charge was dismissed, but dammit I've never tried to quit again since.

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's emphysema. And to hear about how Smokingyuk grew up in a house with parents who smoked heavily and didn't respect his need to breathe fresh air. No wonder the poor soul hates it so much! And to be riding a bike every day through the London smog, then spending time in a smoky pub - that's probably why you cough up black tar, bud.

If I WAS sick this would probably be so much easier. And that's one of the DUMBEST-sounding things I've every heard, but it's true. I know I'm not getting any younger. Raptor hasn't seen me in a few years and I've sprouted a few gray hairs since then!

It was reading what someone said above that it wasn't till around age 50 or so that the damage became apparent that really got me thinking. That's not too far off for me now, and I'd like to be around to see my grandkids, if I ever have any. My sons are not as prolific as I was - thank god/dess!

Kat - those are wonderful ideas!! :-) I'll take them into meditation this morning. I do need to honour Tobacco for what it is - a ceremonial sacred herb. I need to let it go with love and gratitude and respect - I've been practicing native ways for a long time now.

I really do believe that if people used it in a 'sacred' manner, for prayer and offerings, with respect for both self and the plant (AND the fire which burns it), there would be no health risks. The Indians grew and used tobacco for thousands of years with no health problems. But they lived in dwellings equipped with SMOKE-HOLES in the roofs, not only to vent the ceremonial smoke but the open fires for cooking and heating. And they sure didn't smoke all day long - who needs to pray constantly? They had a healthy, active lifestyle too - spending most of their time doing strenuous physical activities outdoors in the fresh air.

One thing I find intriguing is that the Indians carried tobacco leaves ( and other 'totem' items )in their "medicine pouches" - small decorative bags made of hides and worn under the clothes next to the skin. Their Tobacco WAS tobacco, not the chemically-laden stuff that they make cigarettes out of today - so it was pretty potent stuff. Seems to me that the nicotine in the tobacco leaves must leach through the leather pouches and be absorbed through the skin, like those nicotine patches some people use to help quitting. So they could have the stimulating effects of nicotine (and it IS a stimulant) WITHOUT smoking.

I might just make me one of those - in ceremony - if I can find some REAL tobacco leaves. That way I could honour Tobacco for what it is AND possibly reduce the cravings at the same time. Even just holding it in my hands would be soothing cause I like the feel of soft leather...and I could breathe out prayers of gratitude at the same time - WITHOUT smoking. Hmmmmmmm ...

Anyway, just like Raptor and bph said above, I know that even ONE cig is too much if I'm serious about quitting. I still have most of the last carton of smokes I bought last week in the frig (along with a pack of PRETTY lighters, dammit). I plan to make a medicine pouch for a Christmas present to myself, and to keep the smokes until then so I don't get too miserable. (At least I know I can have one if things get really bad, until I get my "medicine" together). Then, on Christmas day I'll give the rest away to the smokers I know - and the lighters too. And it will be the BEST Christmas present I've ever given to myself!!!

Thanks to all you Mudcatters for your understanding and support and inspiration. Healthy, happy Blessings to you all! I send out gratitude in Four Directions ...

daylia