Well, Fair Youngmaid, I wish I could say that such heartbreak is limited to the young and once you pass a certain age, the statute of limitations is up and you don't have to worry. Tis not true, alas. I have a daughter your age and have been blessed with much love and laughter in my life, and also with much heartbreak of one kind or another-- part of the joy and weirdness of being a human bean.

I had been alone for several years,focusing on getting my children raised and successfully "launched," without a parade of "Mom's boyfriends" in their lives. And I was successful at that. But when I moved to a new state three years ago, I met a man who seemed really wonderful in a quiet, unassuming way. One thing led to another and eventually he asked me to marry him and I said yes and we set a date, got a ring ...

I was truly happy. Then just after Christmas moved out. No notice, no by-your-leave, no conversation about what was wrong. Nothin'. What hurt the worst was not being able to make sense of it. I kept trying to understand what I did wrong. What I could have done differently. Why I didn't SEE what was coming?

And I was completely flattened. I spent most of January just doing my best to get up in the morning, go to work and not be too much of a pain in the neck during the day to all who love me, then praying to sleep at least some of the night ... It was truly hell.

I can honestly say that music pulled me through. I sang and sang and sang. I stood in the shower and sang until the hot water ran out. I sat on the sofa and sang until my voice simply quit. It seemed that the only way my heart could stop hurting was if I sang. And when I wasn't singing, I was listening to the music of others.

I took long, hot baths. I ate as much nourishing food as I could force myself to eat. I have a small group of friends here with whom I let myself be as much of a mess as I needed to be. And with everyone else, I tried very hard to put on my game face and not bleed too much in front of them. Fake it 'til you make it.

Now, six months later, I can say that I'm actually feeling happy again. Work is a wonderful balm. Friends are pure gold. Physical exercise matters a great deal. Being kind to oneself is fundamental--hanging up on those internal conversations in which you tell yourself you must be unlovable and undesirable to have brought such a fate down upon yourself.

I must admit, though, I can't imagine ever letting myself care that way about anyone again. Maybe it'll happen, but right now? I simply can't imagine. He emailed me yesterday -- he's moved to a new job in another state. He says he's sorry. It wasn't personal and he urges me to "get over it."

I didn't know what to say to that.

So I hit the delete button and I've put on the "Essential Women of the Blues" CD from House of Blues.

KC