My singing partner Sue and I wrote this a couple of years ago when my nephew was visiting from the U.K. and expressed some concern about all the nasties we have in Australia - just to reassure him, you know:

The Twelve Beastly Days of Christmas - Oz style

On the ***** day of Christmas, my ex-love sent to me...

12   Cane toads croaking
11   Leeches lurking
10   Blue-bottles stinging
9   Crocs a-snapping
8   Mozzies whining
7   Bull-ants biting
6   Snakes a-hissing
5   Funnel webs
4   Box jelly fish
3   Death adders
2   Killer wasps
and a redback on the toilet seat.