Managed to transcribe the gruesome story:

NUMBER 81 BUS

One night I was stood by the town hall box(?)
Snoggin' with me financée
When all of a sudden up a bus conductor rushed
And he coughed - I say

Have you seen a bus, a big red bus
With faces peerin' out
There is no conductor 'cause it should be me
'Cause me bus I am witho-o-o-out

Without, I said, Have you gone stone mad
Have you lost your bloody 'ead
No, I've lost the 81 to Crumpsall Green
And I'm writing them in your business, he sa-a-a-a-aid (?)

Ten minutes ago I rang the bell
And I shouted to me mate
Ee, I'm gone a minute, lad, I'm goin' for a sludge(?)
He said, Right but don't be la-a-a-a-ate

Well, in the loo there was such a queue
I just 'ung on in anguish
When I came out, well, the bus 'ad gone
The bloody lot had va-a-a-anished

So we fetched a cop but 'e couldn't 'elp
For t' bus were nowhere in sight
And the polis and the sanitary cleansing department
Was searchin' all that ni-i-i-ight

Now it's seven long years since bus disappeared
The 81 to Crumpsall Green
And on moonlit nights down Cheetermill(?) Road
Its ghostly shape can be se-e-e-een

It's red outside and lit up inside
The driver 'as a long grey beard
And the faces all peerin' out can be seen
And their plaintive voices may be he-e-e-eard

It's seven long years since 'e went for a pee
Since then 'e's never been seen
Does any bugger know where's conductor Joe
Of the 81 to Crumpsall Green

(Written by Mike Harding, recorded on 'A Lancashire Lad', 1972)

The tune is 'The Old Dun Cow'. 'Financée' is NOT a misprint. The line before the second question mark I can't make out at all, with the other three it's only the words immediately preceding them that are in doubt. Has anyone got the album and could help out? Or perhaps - Mike, are you lurking in the Mudcat Café? (Too busy doing his BBC2 show, I bet!)