These from another chat site.

Allan

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is
optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the
preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you
can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same
sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the
answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy
beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age
comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your
pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers
license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers
license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your
pants.