YIPPEE! I finally get to post a song that I actually wrote! I write very few songs, and the ones I have written are usually judged to be simply awful! So, with that warning, here is one of my awful attempts. This is a talking blues, as in the "Original Talking Blues" as recorded by Woody.

THE TALKING HOT TUB BLUES

If you want to get in trouble, let me tell you how to do it,
Just get yourself a hot tub, then you're into it,
'Cause you soak all day and you soak all night,
And come out lookin' such a fright ...
Kinda' prune like ...

Now this hot tub thing is a new kinda toy,
That's bringin' everybody a new kinda joy,
But there's a couple of problems, 'twixt you and me,
That make me think it ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Now the number one problem, as I've observed,
Is almost silly, it's so absurd,
For the people keep wonderin', and the question is pressed,
'Bout what you should wear, to be considered well dressed.

Well, you can wear your new suit, if you're inclined,
Or your hat and coat, folks won't mind,
Or your diamonds and baubles, to show off your loot,
But best of all, is your birthday suit.

For it'll never shrink, much as you might wish,
Or never stain, if you spill a dish,
It'll always fit, and it's ready to wear,
And try as you might, it won't even tear ...
The best seersucker.

Now the number two problem is really number one,
For it sure can spoil an awful lot of fun,
For some folks think, when they jump in a tub,
That they's like to do more, than sit, and scrub ...
If you get my meanin'

But there's a strange phenomenon, that's mostly male,
That makes this really a horror tale,
For sittin' in a tub, at a hundred and five,
Can make you appear more dead than alive ...
Called the wet noodle syndrome.

Well I've got no answer for this kind of thing,
Except to sit here ... And write ... And sing,
But if you'll give me a clue, 'for I go 'outta my tree,
Maybe this job won't be ... So ... Hard on me.

For I'll have the answer, to restore my power,
And I can stop taking those damned cold showers,
And I can jump in the tub, with an easy mind,
For I'll know what to do ... If I'm inclined.

Written by Bob Nelson, Everett Washington. Sing it, if you dare, and enjoy!