I notice from the original request that 'Transplant Calypso' is still outstanding, So:
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TRANSPLANT CALYPSO
Jeremy Taylor

The other day I was feelin' ill
I went to the Doctor to get some pills
He looked at me in despair
Said "My friend you're badly in need of repair
Now with this up to date surgery
We get our spare parts from the menagerie
So if you'll kindly sit down a while,
I'll just telephone for a crocodile."
Soon I had:-

        The heart of an ape, the liver of a chicken,
        The blood of an ox, through a tube which was they stick in-
        To me spleen which I borrowed from a cow
        I was human once but I'm not sure now.

Walking down the street,
Me girlfriend I happened to meet
Me heart went bom-diddy-bom
Just like the ape that I got it from,
Me ox-blood boiled, I started to moo
I was pawin' at the ground, what else could I do ?
And when at last she walked on by
I said "Cock-a-doodle-do"
And started to fly.
Hit Me:
        Chorus

Going out one night,
Me an a fella got into a fight
I hit him with a left I hit him with a right
But somehow I just couldn't finish the fight
No matter what I did he kept comin' at me
He was the stubbornest man I ever did see
It was in vain I find out at last
This fella got the jawbone of an ass.
An' he 'ad:
        Chorus

(Spoken) Come on Doctor, help me!
Now in the end I was getting fed up
I said to this doctor "look man, I've had enough.
All this animal junk won't do
Get me some organ that doesn't come out of the zoo"
He said "Well now, what about this for size ?"
I tell you, I could hardly believe my eyes.
I looked at this thing with dismay and suspicion
It was the brain of a politician !
I'd rather have:
        The heart of an ape, the liver of a chicken,
        The blood of an ox, through a tube which was they stick in-
        To me spleen which I borrowed from a cow
        I was human once but I'm not sure now.
        I was human once but I'm (pause) not sure (pause) MMMMooo Now!




Notes:
Introduced by JT as being "A song which I wrote for Dr. Barnard, the well known medical satirist"
Transcribed from "Spike Milligan & Jeremy Taylor 'Live' at Cambridge University 2/12/'73"
NP

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Nigel