I don't know if I could be counted as a kid when I was 16,yeah I know it's pushing it a bit,but at our school at the last day I had not had a Physics/Chemistry lesson and the only person in the whole school who could do joined-up writing was the Headmaster.So from this poor start I entered the Electricity Indsustry(shocking innit?).

As an Apprentice one of my chores was to go to a local Garage/Gas Station(hope you all noticed my switch of laguages just then)to purchase a Gallon of Petrol/Gas(did it again)for the purpose of removing grease from electric motors and such like.
Returning one day from a mission I went into a toilet block which was situated on the edge of a huge yard used for storage of large cable drums and inhabited by huge muscular Irishmen who laid the cables. Now my tale goes downhill from here.

Whilst washing my hands a thought hit me. Having recently seen the war-film 'The Cruel Sea' and as previously stated having had a 16th century education,I found it highly unlikely that oil floating on water could be set aflame,Reasoning that the water would conduct the heat away(Who says 'a little knowledge is a dangerous thing' eh?).Now always being one to experiment I poured a moderate amount,sat 2 pints of Gas/Petrol(2 way translation) into the sink of warmish,well quite hot really water and applied a naked flame.To say what happened next was spectacular would be an understatement.

A sheet of flame appeared taking away my eyebrows,93% of the hair at the front of my head as well as doing terminal dammage to my woolen sweater.
And just when I was thinking the worst was over,bugger me!! it wasn't.
From one of the adjacent Sit-you-Downs came the voice of a man who want's to remain anonymous(Cyril Briggs if you must know) . Now Cyril was the works Arse-Licker/Brown-Noser(Seamless innit?)known to his best friend as 'Shitface'. "What the F*** was that?" he enquired
"My lighter blew up" I replied in a high falsetto voice hoping to wrong foot him.By now Cyril was wiping furiously and pulling up of his Strides/Trousers(Ozzy/English)meanwhile I had pulled the plug,got rid of the fiery liquid and was nonchalently coming my hair,or the bit that was left.

Oh Joy,Oh Happiness I was in the clear or was I?

"Jesus look at this" exclaimed Cy in an even higher falsetto than mine.I went to the toilet door to find every drain grid in the cable yard emitting flames 6ft high,one of the Irish lads said it's Methane in the sewers
And so Dear Reader I left it at that.