Shir'Lee studied the piece of paper in her hand. Life on the little farm at the edge of the forest wasn't all that bad, if you didn't mind being raided constantly and having your thatch lit on fire fortnightly, but this piece of paper provided one thing she couldn't find on the farm.....hope.

THE RONNIE SPECTER ACADEMY promised hope. THE RONNIE SPECTER ACADEMY promised lots of fun with girls her own age. At THE RONNIE SPECTER ACADEMY she could make a difference and fight for what she believed in. THE RONNIE SPECTER ACADEMY would give her a leg up in the world, because loads of graduates of THE RONNIE SPECTER ACADEMY went on to be high priestesses, fairy queens, and wise women. If she'd had so much as a bag to pack, she'd have packed it by now.

As it was, she waited patiently at the side of the dirt road. Days went by before she saw the column approaching. Girls, just like her, marching in formation led by two enormous orcs. She quickly fell in step and walked with them.

When they reached the center of the forest, one of the orcs went to the head of the line and pushed a knot on the tree. With a perfumed 'woosh', a secret door in the tree opened up to reveal the main hall of the Academy. Shir'Lee wandered around in near disbelief, while a cloud on the ceiling rained down silver dream glitter on the girls. She noticed all of the precepts mingled with the girls in the hall, pouring glasses of diet cola and carrying trays of marshmallow peeps.

Shir'Lee cautiously made her way to the edge of a chattering group of initiates.
"I want to be in the Soopreem's house. It's the best house by far."
"What about Shangrula's house? That's where I want to go."
"It's Marvulet's for me, all the way."
"Let's just hope we don't get stuck in the Vandallas!"
"Ooooh, YES!" all the girls nodded

Shir'Lee didn't have the faintest idea what was going on, but by further eavesdropping (and equal opportunity literary scavenging) she realized that she would be placed in a house based solely on the direction of a magical pair of silver sequined pumps. She wasn't terribly worried at first, the Shangrula girls seemed okay, not as smart as the Marvulets, that's for certain, but after seeing the shiny faced girls of the Soopreem house, she didn't think she was Soopreem material, and anything was better than being shoved in close quarters with the squinty-eyed Vandallas.

Shir'Lee got in line with the other girls, and waited nervously as each proclaimation was made: "Vandalla" "Shangrula" "Soopreem" "Marvulet". When it was her turn, she cautiously stepped into the shoes, and felt them squeeze in tight around her feet. The room became silent, for what to Shir'Lee seemed like an interminably long time, before the shoes called out: "Shangrula!"

Shir'Lee kicked off the shoes, and ran to join her housemates at the Shangrula table. When the decisions were made, the girls went to their respective houses. The initiates then went through the customary RONNIE SPECTER transformation, lining up single-file to receive their shimmy-mini-skirts, fake eyelashes, coordinated fake purse, and mandatory beehive hair-do. They received their class schedule, and Shir'Lee was delighted to see she got Pillowfighting as well as Synchronized Baby-Baby Backup Dancing. She also noticed that a majority of her classes were in the SPECTERARTS; the sung-fu fighting style of the Great One.

The house mother waited for the excitement to die down a bit before calling order. She explained to the girls the history of Shangrula, and how the house was know to foster the fiercest fighters in all of the Gurlgroops, and most certainly in all of MiddleMax. The girls nodded as one, sedated and entirely brain-washable due to the magic spell that was cast on the marshmallow peeps they'd eaten earlier. When the wash was complete, the girls were hung out to dry. They got in line for demonstrations on how to use the razor-edged powderpuffs and mystical hair-spray cans they each had been given in their purses before traveling on to the SPECTERARACHARIA where they were to receive their own pregnant spider, to be placed gently inside their hair-do, so that in case of certain capture, they could crack open their hair to release zillions of tiny poisonous spiders to devour their attackers.

And through all of this, in a castle far from the Academy in MiddleMax, sat Maurawn. He knew the Gurlgroop training was nearly complete, and that very soon, the G-Chord would be his.