What's the difference between a Melodeon and a Foot Spa ?

Answer - A foot spa bucks up the feet.

A melodeon player goes to a John KirkPatrick Concert. John is taken ill and our melodeon player offers to stand in. After the concert, he goes to John's dressing room and says how he felt a bit inadequate stepping into such famous shoes. "I,m a bit like that bit of cardboard stuck in as a temporary substitute over that broken window" he says pointing to the window frame. No you wern't says John you were no substitute, you were a real pa(i)n(e)

What do you call a 50 seater coach full of melodeon players, except for one empty seat, going over the cliff at Beachey Head ?

Answer - a waste of space.

If you find a melodeon player half buried in sand, what should you do?

Answer - get some more sand.

The melodeon is the last refuge of the musically incompetent.