S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder. My music has been the pits lately. I have deducted that living in the NW during the winter months with rain and gray days for long periods of time has a way of deppressing and making one feel like sh-t.
Your situation is obviously compounded and likely more serious.
Get help or what ever it takes to get yourself back on track to being a happy camper.
Mudjack