Cynical? Oh, I don't know.......I tried entering "Asshole" as a first name and then "Dipshit" followed by "Scumbag"......Here are the results:

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The name of Asshole has given you an appreciation for many beautiful and refined aspects of life--music and art, literature, drama--and the outdoors, where you find much peace and relaxation, but it creates a far too sensitive nature. You sense and feel much that you do not understand, and sometimes you are alarmed at your thoughts and wonder about their origin. You rarely experience the tranquility that comes with stability of thinking or emotional control. At times, you are very inspired, desiring to be with people and to entertain others as the "life of the party," while at other times you are aloof and choose to remove yourself entirely from association. You crave understanding and affection but your intensity of desire and your self-consciousness prevent you from finding the happiness you desire. You have suffered many disappointments and misunderstandings because of your inability to express your inner thoughts. You could experience sensitivity in the heart, lungs, or bronchial organs, causing tuberculosis, asthma, or depletion of your energies.
While the first name of Asshole has some constructive qualities, it has characteristics that undermine your long-term happiness and success in life.

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While your name of Dipshit gives you an intense desire to be of service to others, it brings out a practical, technical nature, and you become involved in fussy little details that detract from the fulfilment of your greater ideals. You are a very patient person and will work hard one step at a time to accomplish your goals. Not interested in large undertakings, you are content to live from day to day to save for your future. Always budgeting carefully, you do not believe in frivolous spending. You tend to be thorough in building a solid foundation of fact and logic, but you are not especially imaginative or investigative. You are particular and quite set in your way you want things to be done. Once you have made up your mind or formed an opinion it is not easily changed. Hence there is a restriction in friendships and business opportunities. This name stimulates urges and desires for which there is no creative outlet and the ensuing frustration creates nervous tension which centres in the region of the solar plexus and intestinal organs, causing constipation, intestinal trouble, boils, or growths. You feel emotional frustrations and disturbances that create irritability and a strong temper.
While the first name of Dipshit has some constructive qualities, it has characteristics that undermine your long-term happiness and success in life.

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Your first name of Scumbag has given you creative ability, imagination along practical lines, and the patience to pay attention to detail for a while. Although you are attracted to technical, mechanical, scientific fields, you lack the patience to follow through with this interest. This name gives a certain amount of practicality to your thinking; but there is also a tendency to scatter your efforts for, although you want system and order and stability in your life, you are too apt to be distracted from the job you are doing and to become involved in spontaneous interests. You are good-natured, have a good sense of humour, and are fairly easy-going, making friends with those who enjoy a good time. A weakness of this name is a tendency to make promises which you have difficulty in keeping. You tend to be lavish in your tastes and to spend your money freely. You have a heart of gold and are always ready to give generously. Since your feelings are strong and you tend to be enthusiastic and boisterous, you burn up your energies quickly and indulge in quick-energy foods, sweets, and starches. This type of diet affects the functions of the liver, causing either suffering with gall stones, jaundice, or skin troubles.
While the first name of Scumbag has some constructive qualities, it has characteristics that undermine your long-term happiness and success in life.

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SPAW