Brett, I was gonna write last night but thought I'd better wait. It sounds like there was something bothering her very much and she couldn't tell you. She swallowed pills perhaps because she needed to at least show you. It sounds like she still can't or won't communicate. Imagine what that lack of communication would have been like if you had married! You could have wound up miserable for quite a long time and probably still, at the end, had to deal with the intense pain you're going through now.

You can usually figure out what goes on in your own head, but forget trying with other people's. I think most folks have some regrets and I KNOW most people occasionally think "If I had just..." Well, we only know what we should have done because what we DID do didn't work. Can't travel back and fix it and anyway, we might screw up something completely different. Shift, dear. From past to present, from present to hopeful dreams of the future.