Shantieman, those are great! :-) Thanks, and thanks in advance from my students!

Here's a couple more howlers from David Barber's "Musician's Dictionary":

RHYTHM - A faculty in great demand and, unfortunately, very short                                          
            supply among those involved in music
       - An unreliable method for curtailing the population of                                 
            musicians.

BAROQUE - A period of music so called because the study of it leads to   
          impoverishment.
         - A slang term of encouragement used by musicians. Best   
          exemplifed by the phrase "Go for Baroque".

ARIA - The product of multiplying the singer's length by his or her            
       width.

BEAT - The basic unit of measurement in music. It varies from piece to
       piece, from performance to performance, and from person to
       person. Using a complicated algebraic formula - based upon sum      
       totals, averages, and phases of the moon - the beat is   
       established by the conductor and then promptly ignored by all.
    - what a performer is after a performance.

PIANO - A cumbersome piece of furniture found in many homes , where
       playing it ensures the early departure of unwanted guests.

PIANO TUNER - A person employed to come into the home, re-arrange the
             furniture, and annoy the cat. The tuner's chief purpose
             is to ascertain the breaking point of the piano strings.

PERFORMANCE - The main reason for the getting-together of any number of      
             musicians, usually to perform a piece of music. It is
             the best excuse for a drunken party, although any excuse            
             will do.

OBOE - An ill wind that nobody blows good.

MUSICIANS - Individuals bent upon producing sound or noise by means of
            scraping, hitting, beating, or blowing into an object made
            of brass, wood, or catgut. In a performance, each may be   
            seen wearing an ill-fitting tuxedo or black dress. (In most
            cases , the men wear tuxedos and the women wear dresses.)
            Orchestral musicians are allowed to sit, for which they         
            get paid extra. Choral musicians rarely get paid at all,   
            and they must stand through the performance, unless they   
            faint. Most musicians can count to at least four, and some   
            to five. Not to be confused with singers.

MUSIC LESSONS - A form of cruel and unusual punishment inflicted upon   
                young children by their parents, and upon teachers by
                their shrinking bank balances. In such instances, it         
                is a debatable point which is more unbalanced - the
                bank account or the teacher.

QUAVER - what many performers do while performing.

SNOB, MUSICAL - A person who pretends to know more about music than we
                do.

TRILL - the musical equivalent of an epileptic seizure.

VIBRATO - A technique used by certain instruments, said to add warmth
          and body to the tone, and by singers to hide the fact that
          they are on the wrong pitch.

BRAIN - A large human organ that controls thought and reason.
       Distinguishes Man from lower animals and musicians from the
       rest of Mankind. In accordance with the principles of Darwin's
       theory of natural selection and evolution, the cranial space   
       normally reserved for the brain is, in musicians, given over to   
       lung capacity. (So that they have, quite literally, blown their
       brains out.) In singers, the absence of brain matter leaves
       extra room for resonance. Science has been unable to discover   
       whether conductors have been provided with any sort of
       replacement for the missing brain, but that is highly unlikely.

Cheers!   daylia