pretty as red shoes
pretty as a speckled pup
dumb as a sack of dog hair
it's better'n snuff and ain't half as dusty
I wouldn't piss in his mouth if his guts was on fire (spoken of somone that ain't worth a pisshole in the snow)
Boy, you really pissed in your oatmeal this time
He' so tight he squeaks when he walks
steeper'n a mules face