I AM a snob about this stuff, so if you wanna pull my chain it won't work. Blame it on my parents....the fact that I became President of the "Film Society" in school....or whatever.....but even when I was 12, I thought Jerry Lewis was revolting.

So I go off to the Video store tonight. It's freezing cold in Toronto...I DON'T want to think about Iraq for the WHOLE day...I just want to get a GOOD film.

Here's where the problem starts. Everyone else at the store is happily grabbing up Richard Gere Films, Mel Gibson Films, Harrison Ford films, Gwynneth P. Films, Rene Z. films, Arnold S. films, and so on, and so on.

Not me....I'm too much of a snob!

I want some:

A. Reality.

B. FUNNY Comedy.... that doesn't seem to be written by the people who put "Friends" out. I'm sorry but I just don't GET Adam Sandler.

C. or something "DARK" (like Fargo, or Being John Malkovitch)

Now most of the popular films seem to be in a very narrow number of categories: Like:

"Black and white Crime fighting" Buddy films. These worry me 'cuz I figure after a hard day of fighting crime (domestic or extra terestrial) Does Mel offer Samuel L. a lift home out to the burbs? I DOUBT it! I've known quite a number of cops, and they generally don't look for "mixed neighborhoods" to reside in....so where does Samuel L go after getting splattered with blood all day? His Momma's?

"Julia Roberts and Hugh Grawnt" films. Holy cow! Before Notting Hill is one tenth over, Hugh has "touselled" his hair thirty eight times and stared shyly at the floor thirty seven (I'm not sure what happened to one of the tousells)
Julia has looked at the floor twenty times and then broken into the cutest most adorable toothy (she has 127 teeth) smile imaginable. It takes her about forty seconds to go from "partial tooth to complete toothieness", so that DOES take up a lot of the movie. Then Hugh tousells some more.

All that touselling and toothying drove me crazy before it was half over.

Now one film that was positively FLYING OFF THE SHELVES caught my attention (there was one copy left) On the cover there seemed to be a picture of Pappy Yokum, if he pumped a lot of iron. Pretty wizened, but obviously popular....I grabbed it for a look....My Gawd it was "Swept Away"....not even the old pretentious one with Gianini (I'm not a total snob, cuz I HATED the original) Poor Madonna! I'm not a fan, (although I love Weird Al's versions of her songs) If that new husband of hers talked her into THAT, he should marry Wynona Ryder next. (but keep an eye on the silverware!)

Awww poop, what I really want is those great Ealing comedies from the fifties. Or one of the two or three GREAT films that Woody Allan made, or some French "Film Noir" stuff with Belmondo, or Bergman, or Fellini, or Kubrick,.....

By then the line up was half an isle long.....so I just went home and said "Screw it, I'll whine on Mudcat instead".

Cheers

Rick