Teaching McFadden to Waltz

Now Terrence McFadden he wanted to waltz
But his feet were not gauged that way
So he saw a professor and stated his case
Said he "Sure I'm willing to pay"
The professor looked down in alarm at his feet
And he viewed their enormous expanse
Then he tacked on a five to his regular price
For teaching McFadden to dance

Chorus:
Oh, one, two, three, balance like me
You're quite a dancer but you have your faults
Your left foot is lazy, your right foot is crazy
But don't be uneasy I'll teach you to waltz

He took out McFadden before the whole class
And he showed him the steps once or twice
But McFadden's big feet got tied up in a knot
Sure, he thought he was standing on ice
At last he broke loose and struck out with a will
Never looking behind or before
But his head got so dizzy he fell on his face
And chewed half the wax off the floor

Chorus

When Terrence had practiced the steps once or twice
Sure he thought he had put them down fine
He went to a girl and he asked her to dance
And wheeled her out into the line
He walked on her feet and he fractured her toes
And said that her movements were false
Sure the poor girl went 'round for two weeks on a crutch
For teaching McFadden to waltz

Chorus x2