On weeknights, when you can stay up late, the kids go to bed early, and so does their mother.

On weekends, they can stay up late - but you are out later. They are quiet until noon, but even that.... is too soon. And road-trips never match up with vacations.

Your clothes smell of tobacco, but you've never smoked.

The bar-tender gives you back the cost of half of drinks the audience bought for you...and still served you cola and water during the night.

Sincerely,