This translation function is crap. It won't let me in. Ho hum what else can we do?

Hey guys, sorry to intrude but there's a load of excitement here! A chemical factory has exploded off Swinemoor Lane in Bev. About half a mile from my office. Its well exciting....!! Hope nobody was killed. There's police, fire engines,sirens blasting, knobhead spectators all over the place. Who said nothing exciting happens in Beverley??

Try another way......This thread will go long beyond the 300 mark God willing.

   becomes.......Dieses Gewinde geht über dem Gottwillen mit 300 Markierungen hinaus lang.

   or even......Este hilo de rosca irá largo más allá de querer del dios de 300 marcas.