Pete I fear you may have developed the exceedingly rare 'Patio Complex' (Patitious Complexio to use the more formal term).This generally occurs in males that are going through the male senna pod (or male menopause). During this period the male has conflicting emotions.He worries about the loss of his virility, wanting to shag everything that moves whilst at the same time is relieved he doesn't have to' (or can't in some cases) put too much effort into it any more. He lusts after tight jeans but is really quite happy with a pair of comfy flannel trousers. He wishes he could be dynamic & exciting but is quite content watching Coronation Street and drinking barley water and so on and so on. Of course he is most worried about developing fungal infections (see Oakley 2003). To sublimate these conflicting emotions he has to build a patio, a beatiful, well-ordered, spacious, clean patio. Whereupon he will place THINGS. He will go into the room where they keep the bright shiny things, the bright shiny sharp things.......oooops sorry getting sidetracked, where was I? Oh yes, the problem with patios is they are the mental equivalent to castration therefore to prove he isn't a castrati the male must do macho things like whistle at people, wear trousers that show off his manly bum cleavage, in fact all the things you've described Pete. The prognosis is good on the whole, you should grow out of it. But if you start building a conservatory I personally would be seriously worried.