CUSTARD CREAMS
(Les Barker)

Those midnight snacks bring what you always dread.
Crumbs in your blanket and your feather bed.
Crumbs without number
Keep you from slumber;
Yield up the night time to old custard creams.
Yield up the night time to old custard creams.

The late night sandwich and the ginger nut
Stick in your shoulder, lie underfoot.
Huntley and Palmer
There is no armour
Yield up the darkness to old custard creams
Yield up the darkness to old custard creams.

Barm cakes and biscuits, whole loaves of bread
Mate on your mattress, breed in your bed
One million croutons
All on one futon
And down your duvet there's old custard creams
And down your duvet there's old custard creams.

I think I know now why my mother said
That gentlemen don't take tarts to bed
And when you're restive
Blame the digestive
You'll find no comfort with old custard creams
You'll find no comfort with old custard creams.