Awesome tale, Long John. Dr. Dogbody has nothing on you, so it seems. Now you've just reminded me of a little ditty which comes from some friends in Ontario, a group called Tanglefoot (copy and paste into WORD/TIMES/12 to line up chords):


By Joe Grant & Steve Ritchie, Tanglefoot © 1994
From Saturday Night at Hardwood Lake
Adapted by Charlie Ipcar 1996

Paddy's Finger

G------------------F----------G—F---Bb-G
'Twas in the town of Pelham one dark and drea-ry day
---F---------------------------Bb----F---G----F
We local lads was in the pub, just sipping time away-a
------G-----------------F--------------G---------F--Bb/G
When in there walked this stranger who dis-turbed our con-tem-pla-tion
---F--------------------------G---F/Bb/G/F
So we decided his facial features need-ed al-te-ra-tion.
------G--------------------F---------------G—F—Bb--G
"Now what's your name, fair stranger? We've not seen you in town."
---F---------------------------Bb-----F------G----F
He answers "David Disher. I'm a man of some re-nown-on."
-----G------------------F--------------G----F/Bb/G
Says Patrick, "Well, now, Disher, lest you think that I'm remiss,
-----F----------------------------G—F--Bb/G/F
They calls me Scrappin' Paddy, and this here is me fist!"

Chorus:
G----------------------F----G---F-----G--------F-----------G-----F---G
Oh, Fight like a wildcat , learn your lesson, up jumps Paddy with a finger miss-in'
-----------------F---G---------F------------------------------G
Poor wee fist, one finger less, for seven pound ten 'twill scarce be missed!.
-----------------------F----G---F------G-------F-----------G-----F---G
Oh, fight like a wildcat , learn your lesson, up jumps Paddy with a finger miss-in'
--------------F----G-----------F------------------------------G
Poor wee fist, great bloody mess, for seven pound ten 'twill scarce be missed!
F-------------------------G
Paddy's finger 'twill scarce be missed!


A room of rowdy roisters, swinging aft and fore;
Disher takes a nasty knock and sprawls upon the floor;
Paddy pounces all too slow, and for one second lingers;
Disher grabs his hand and sets his teeth to Paddy's finger. (CHO)

Now Paddy seeks legal counsel, down in muddy York;
Fighting may be Paddy's line, but missing parts is lawyers' work;
His complaint was swiftly drafted and filed with the court clerk,
With a copy served on Disher before he could embark;
So Disher is persuaded for fear of disputation,
To compensate in full for Paddy's disindigitation;
Now Paddy gets his seven pound ten, a compensation which –
Convinces him that losing fights will make him filthy rich!

Final Chorus

Oh, fight like a wildcat , learn your lesson, up jumps Paddy with a finger missin'
Poor wee fist, great bloody mess, for seven pound ten 'twill scarce be missed!
Paddy's finger will not be missed.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble