Some more tenets of the canine existence:

If it touches the floor it's mine.

Theft is entirely justifiable, because possession is 99 per scent of the law. In fact, upon possession hang the Judges, the Law, and the Prophets.

The worse I smell, the more attractive I am.

I will always show you lots of close physical attention, specially when I'm wet or covered in dung and carrion which I have recently rolled in. This is because I love you.

To err is human, to forgive is canine.

Cats are living proof that Satan exists and is in control of planet Earth. That is why I intend to wipe them out.

You can get a skunk before he gets you if you're fast enough, but it takes a lot of practice...

Same with porcupines.

Dogs never need baths. Disabuse yourself of the mad notion that they do and we'll get along much better in future.

I pity you people, I really do. All that time wasted fussing around with worthless, meaningless objects that can't be eaten, staring at a flickering noisebox, jabbering incomprehensibly at each other... Why do you do it? Why not just nap instead?

So when's dinner?

- LH