This is serious! It's really going to happen! The martians are going to bend you over a chair and make your dog kick your wife, and there will be at least ten of them , all trained by John Ashcroft on the sacrosanct property of the bigmoney boys of the Bohemian Club, cranked up on craic and each one armed with one of these    , which will destroy anything in its path.

There is nothing on Earth which can stop them once they land. Don't let them land!