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BS: Should a lady make the first move?
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: John MacKenzie Date: 02 Dec 06 - 04:36 AM Oh katlaughing, you certainly had me laughing when I read the final words of your post at 10:48AM. "I do still favour upfront communication." Giok |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Pauline L Date: 02 Dec 06 - 01:50 AM Say it with a song. There are plenty of songs that address the issue. One of my favorites includes the lines I long to see you in the morning light. I long to reach for you in the night. *Sigh* One of my favorite romantic songs. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Bobert Date: 01 Dec 06 - 09:16 PM An' in the words of Donnie, "I'm a drunk" Pettit, who would jump on anything, hanky or not, providin' they had a recent pulse.... ... get her done!!! Myself??? Hey, I got some morals and would more than likely pick up the hanky an' say, "Next time, jus' answer the door in somethin' skimpy..." Like Donnie says... ... get her done!!! Bobert Juan (Ans then the Bobert woke up...) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: kendall Date: 01 Dec 06 - 07:27 PM That's what I mean by "equal opportunity" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,lox Date: 01 Dec 06 - 07:10 PM Nowadays they just drop their knickers (assuming they had any on to begin with) and hitch up their skirt. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,memyself Date: 01 Dec 06 - 06:25 PM "let's get real here... This ain't the late 1890's when the dropped hankie might bring on a suitable suiter..." By jingo, I'll bet that explains why no dame has dropped the hanky for me since 1896! And here all this time I thought it must be my old-fashioned notions that were scaring off these "flappers" and "New Women" and "'It' Girls". Well, blow me if you don't learn something everyday! By cracky, Bobert, I surely am grateful to you for catching me up with these modern times ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Bobert Date: 01 Dec 06 - 05:53 PM Hmmmmm? The ol' "dropped hankie" trick, eh??? Better not try it in this holler 'er when ya' bend over to pick it up one of these holler gentlemen will most certainly make his move... Awwww, jus' funnin', but let's get real here... This ain't the late 1890's when the dropped hankie might bring on a suitable suiter... Meanwhile, I'm stickin' with my oroginal advice some 3000 or 4000 posts ago to say "Hey, can we talk???".... Bobert Juan |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Rowan Date: 01 Dec 06 - 05:38 PM Great song! I haven't heard it for years but it's spot on! Cheers Rowan |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,Bloke Date: 01 Dec 06 - 05:37 PM Look, if a bloke wants a shag it doesn't mean he wants a relationship. If he has a good shag it might lead to a relationship. But by and large a relationship with a woman is a lot of trouble. Also, he might quite fancy a shag but be worried about his own body image or lack of practice. If you (woman) fancy a shag, ask. At least you are unlikely to be accused of sexcrime as a result. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,Marion Date: 01 Dec 06 - 03:08 PM (I WANT TO BE) SEDUCED (Gary Richard Tigerman) Recorded by : Peggy Lee; Leon Redbone; Richard Dreyfuss. I wanna be seduced, Let a woman talk to me suggestively; Wanna know that she'd like me to be with her tomorrow morning Drinkin' hot jasmine tea. I want her to make me laugh (ha ha ha), Make a point about touching me when she talks (uhhmm ho ho hmm), Leaving all the jealous guys in the place to mumble in their wine and gawk. I know it only happens when I'm napping, Nodding in a reverie, That I find myself a woman that understands about seducing me. I know it only happens when I'm napping, Nodding in a reverie, That I find myself a woman who understands about seducing, I'll dream about the moon until she'll introduce herself, I'm imagining a woman who understands seducing me. I want to be seduced, I want a woman to take me out to dinner for two I want to see her eyes gettin' moody, Flirtin' with the thought of what flirtin' can lead to I want to act real cool, have her think about gettin' little me in bed Have a chat about Magna Charta, or Puerto Vallarta, or somethin' Gandhi said I might demur politely, falter slightly, if she starts to fondle my knee, But I'm relatively certain I'd compromise if I know me I want to be seduced, I want a wom-an to talk to me suggestively I want to hear her say she'll be with me tomorrow morning, Drinking hot jasmine tea I want her to make me laugh, make a point of touching me when she talks Leaving all the jealous guys in the joint to mumble in their beer and gawk I wanna be seduced, I wanna a woman to take me out to dinner for two; I'd like to see her eyes get moony Flirting with the thought of what a little flirting outta to do. I'd like to be real cool Let her figure out what I really mean, instead of havin' a chat about African genesis, psychokinesis or something Stanislavsky said. I might demure politely, Or falter slightly If she tries to fondle my knee, But I'm relatively certain that I'd come across if I know me. I know it only happens, when I'm napping, nodding in my reverie That I ever find a woman who wouldn't mind seducing me I know it only happens, when I'm napping, nodding in my reverie That I ever find a woman who wouldn't mind seducing Starting from the moment that we'd been introduced That I ever find a woman who wouldn't mind seducing me |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,memyself Date: 01 Dec 06 - 02:04 PM The lady waiting to be asked will drop her handkerchief at a convenient moment. That's the gentleman's cue to make his move. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: autolycus Date: 01 Dec 06 - 01:49 PM Perhaps I canb put my dilemma another way. Are there at least two sorts of lady, those prepared to take the initiative, and those who are not? And is there a way to distinguish between a lady waiting to be asked and a lady who is not interested? They can look interchangeable. Thanks. Ivor |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST Date: 29 Nov 06 - 01:05 PM If ladies don't make the first move, how will they make a living at it? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Schantieman Date: 29 Nov 06 - 12:29 PM ...or, indeed, in British. S |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: kendall Date: 29 Nov 06 - 12:22 PM There are things that need to be clarified before you marry, but you shouldn't wait until the wedding day. A young couple were on their way to Las Vegas to get married. She was visibly nervous, and finally, she said to him, "Look, before we marry, there is something you need to know about me, and you may change your mind about getting married. I don't have hardly any boobs at all. He said, "So what? I'm going to marry you, not your boobs. And, while we are doing the confession thing, I have to tell you something too. Below my waist I'm like a new born baby." She said, "That's ok, size isn't everything." So, they got married, and that night in the bridal suite, she got ready for bed, dropped her dress and sure enough, very small boobs. He dropped his pants and she fainted. When she came around, he said, "I told you I'm like a newborn below my waist" and she stammered, "I know, but my God, 9 pounds, 18 inches?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: bobad Date: 29 Nov 06 - 12:01 PM " There...I hope that was sufficiently vague and neutral." There's a future for you in Canadian politics, Bill. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Bill D Date: 29 Nov 06 - 11:26 AM There seems to be a general understanding that most people of both sexes would like to have a close, intimate relationship with someone else...usually of the opposite sex. Thus, if two people are spending some time together, and both are aware that the other have no current marriage or other close relationship, it is usual to wonder if THIS could, or should, become one. There can be all sorts of reasons why someone is NOT willing to "go further", and it is not always easy to provide details, but it is usually best to politely state where they stand, if not why. So, someone has to ask, hint, make a move...etc...in order to clarify the situation. In the case of 'guest', this was done....and whether these two people continue to enjoy each other as 'company' is between them. It is perfectly possible to continue to meet, date and enjoy the company of someone without expectations of it becoming intimate, but it is always good for both parties to be aware of whether the other is seeking a relationship with intimacy...whether marriage or otherwise. There...I hope that was sufficiently vague and neutral. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: katlaughing Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:48 AM Sometimes it paid to be blunt when I was divorced the first time and barely drinking age. I went out to bars wth live music several times per month. It got to where if a guy offered to buy me a drink, I'd look him in the eye and tell him, "Thanks, that would be fine as long as you know I am not going to f*** you for it." Most of them expressed relief that we'd gotten THAT question out of the way, even if it wasn't exactly what they were hoping for.We'd usually have a nice evening of dancing and talk, OR, they'd go try it on someone else. That was many years ago, pre-AIDS, but it did seem the prevalent implication, i.e. if a fellow bought a girl drinks, she would have sex with him. I do still favour upfront communication. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: SINSULL Date: 29 Nov 06 - 09:50 AM "Please leave! You're upsetting my cat" works too. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 29 Nov 06 - 08:40 AM "We have dated three times now, and you haven't tried to get me into bed." That's the problem with those stupid mass market popular books - nobody need to use their brain or actually observe the signs in the world around you any more - just count on your fingers.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,memyself Date: 29 Nov 06 - 08:20 AM I'm sure she'll make some nice young man very happy ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Mr Yellow Date: 29 Nov 06 - 08:15 AM Nowt so queer as folk 'appen |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Rowan Date: 29 Nov 06 - 01:40 AM Sigh! Well, she is young. And perhaps I'm the forgiving type. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,memyself Date: 29 Nov 06 - 01:29 AM Pretty hard to believe she "didn't want to be rude"! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Rowan Date: 29 Nov 06 - 01:12 AM In a sense, Pauline and kendall 'had it right' for the situation I was in. I was happy with the convivial and continuous nature of our contact; by being there I was sending a signal that I wanted to continue. I didn't want to 'push' my friend into feeling she was required to respond, in any way, more than she felt comfortable with. I was prepared to let the relationship develop at its own pace. I suppose I'm old-fashioned enough to think I appreciate the difference between "courting" (which is what I regarded us as doing) and what I understand by the American term "dating". Then again, perhaps I don't correctly appreciate the differences, if any. I think I can read situations properly and I think I can test them with subtlety, but then, I'm biased. I don't think Australians of my generation would often use the term "courting" but I also don't think they'd use "dating" to describe "going out together", either. I suspect there are cultural differences at work here. I also think there are behavioural differences between generations too. A young lady colleague (the daughter of other colleagues of mine with whom I lunched at our caf, occasionally; she joined us frequently) recently started work at our institution. She is almost young enough to be my granddaughter and I have no "interest" in her at all. By email, I suggested, "Coffee?" (literally, that was the full text apart from my signature file, which has "Cheers, Rowan" and my work contact details) as I wanted to give her some info about coming events that she might also pass to her parents. Her reply read, "I don't want to be rude so stop imposing on me." I take it from this that, to some, an invitation to coffee at a rather public caf conveys more than I had intended. Curiouser and curiouser. Needless to say, I offered her my apologies and won't be offering her coffee in the future. Cheers, Rowan |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: EBarnacle Date: 29 Nov 06 - 12:04 AM Be thankful that he is a gentleman. If he were not, you might have had an evening of wham bam and never heard from him again. Here, there is at least the possibility of a continuing friendship and someone to go to events with when you are not otherwise involved. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST Date: 28 Nov 06 - 08:08 PM Well, in regards to a relationship, the phrase "What are we doing here?" has been heard on more than one occasion. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: kendall Date: 28 Nov 06 - 07:17 PM Game playing is for teen agers. There are subtle ways of asking what he wants. I once dated a woman three times, and the forth time she got all nervous about something. I had to insist that she tell me what the problem was, and she finally said "We have dated three times now, and you haven't tried to get me into bed." I didn't tell her that the reason was I didn't know if I wanted to see her again. That did it, never saw her again. If he wants to "see more of you" he will give you a sign. Most men make that sign very clear. If you see that sign, ask him if he would like to stay the night. His answer will tell you all you need to know. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Pauline L Date: 28 Nov 06 - 06:48 PM Rowan said For six months we spent lots of time together and did a wide variety of things but never even so much as held hands.. OMG! I would have written you off as hopeless from a dating point of view. I certainly haven't encountered any men with your attitude. Thanks for letting me know that there are men out there with attitudes and expectations very different from mine. I appreciate the need for communication and clarification. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: autolycus Date: 28 Nov 06 - 06:30 PM A fascinating discussion. Is it possible to make the right suggestion(s) given that every single relationship is unique? It does still seem a problem for me,61-y-o man with 2 grown-up daughters and divorced STILL to know if there's any clear boundary between taking some kind of initiative, sensitively as poss., and being thought of as objectionable/threatening. hence I rather take the let-her-make-the-first-move approach, while wondering if I'm encountering a lot of 'waiting-for-the-bloke- women. Ivor |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Rowan Date: 28 Nov 06 - 04:42 PM I wish Pauline luck but both she and someone earlier made me think about a couple of occasions in my past. When my first marriage ended I was at a loss for a while, although I had some great times and it took me a few years to find someone with whom I thought I could settle down. Being one of those whose shyness was dealt with by overcompensating as an extrovert achiever I felt I wanted to avoid 'manipulating' or ' directing' this new relationship towards sexual consummation. For six months we spent lots of time together and did a wide variety of things but never even so much as held hands. Even when we returned from a field trip and both had to stay at my place (being reconstructed and with only one bed) I gave her the bed and slept on the couch. [After some years she told me she expected me to make a move on her on that occasion, but I'd been brought up in the old fashioned way.] Then, one evening after seeing a play, I took her to her place and she just turned on me and said, "Are you interested in sleeping with me or not?" I was gobsmacked but told her it was what I had been hoping for as part of a long term commitment. Seventeen years (and two daughters) later we had to call it quits, although we still work in the same building and she has married again. It took me a while to recover and, while I was coming up for air, I was part of a group who knocked around together and played music. We were joined by a woman who took a shine to my daughters and, while never saying it in so many words, gave me the impression over the weeks that she would like to get closer to me. Before it came to a head (in my view) I let her know that I was still "damaged goods" and not interested in an emotional relationship with anyone until I'd got through recovering. That was six years ago and she's never spoken to me since. On every occasion when we (occasionally) pass in the supermarket or the street, it appears I'm invisible and inaudible. It's her loss, as far as I'm concerned, and I lost no sleep over it. And I've long since ceased to regard myself as damaged by all this experience. But I do think that, to a large extent, we are creatures of our upbringing. As a reasonably ordinary male growing up in a relatively conservative society in the 40s and 50s I was acculturated in many ways, including taking the initiative when establishing relationships. I've spent a lot of effort over most of the time since the 50s weeding out the acculturations I think 'wrong' and developing ones I think 'right' and I recognise how difficult it can be for someone like the originator of this thread who, it seems, recognises similar acculturations. Change always requires an effort and I wish her every success. Cheers, Rowan |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Pauline L Date: 28 Nov 06 - 01:34 PM I'm a divorced woman in her mid 50s and I've been-there-done-that. I'm amused at the people who've been married (and presumably monogamous) for years who consider themselves qualified to give you advice. I'm with those who advised that it's better to broach the subject than to wonder forever about missed opportunities. My approach depends on the situation. I've ranged from asking "Where do you see our relationship as going in the future? Do you want to be friends or something more?" to "Do you think you could sleep comfortably on my Futon?" The latter was for a man who is a direct communicator, expressed interest, and told me several times, "I've never been sexually aggressive. I don't want to offend a lady." I asked him, "Would you mind if I'm sexually aggressive?" Honestly, I can't believe I've said these things. I'm generally shy and unassertive. However, I'm also goal-oriented. ;-) I've gotten various responses in my career as a dating woman. One fellow was emotionally incapacitated by a sexually abusive mother. (I've been told that this occurs more commonly than one might suppose.) He was attracted to me but couldn't act on it. In other cases, I've had more positive results. One really needs to be sensitive to the situation and the individual. I'm very glad that you had the courage to broach the subject, sorry that it didn't work out the way you would have liked. I believe that it's best to know. PS. Wish me and my Futon luck. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Donuel Date: 28 Nov 06 - 12:41 PM What ever makes another person comfortable is polite, respectful and loving. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,lox Date: 28 Nov 06 - 09:59 AM "Last week you had a friend, but were uncertain about his intentions. This week you know his intentions. It's up to you (and to him) whether he is still your friend, of course; but there has certainly been progress of a kind." I absolutely agree! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: JohnInKansas Date: 28 Nov 06 - 06:00 AM Last week you had a friend, but were uncertain about his intentions. This week you know his intentions. It's up to you (and to him) whether he is still your friend, of course; but there has certainly been progress of a kind. If you are at all interested in having a special and intimate friend, it's quite obvious that the more friendly acquantances you have, the more likely you are to find the one that's appropriate for that Now that you know his level of interest, the only real ruminating you might do is to look at whether there were clues that you can use the next time you're uncertain, when the next one comes along. Fluff up the feathers, and get back out there. Go forth (a little more) boldly. John |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 28 Nov 06 - 05:51 AM As long as you jump out of the way, so it doesn't break your nose, no real harm done! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: John MacKenzie Date: 28 Nov 06 - 05:21 AM There is also the school of thought Villan that says, As one door close, another one slams shut in your face! G ¦¬] |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Rasener Date: 28 Nov 06 - 02:18 AM It obviously wasn't meant to be Guest guest, but I am a strong believer in "for every door that closes another one opens" I hope that won't be too long for you. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Lonesome EJ Date: 27 Nov 06 - 09:47 PM Well, I admire you for taking the bull by the horns, Guest,guest. You did the right thing. We can't know who's going to be attracted to us. I always figured most women were, and was often amazed to find out they didn't find me as dashing as I think I am. And that's the key. You keep a healthy regard for yourself, keep being up-front, let those rejections bounce off like raindrops on naugahyde, and you'll find that guy who IS worth your time. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Big Mick Date: 27 Nov 06 - 08:39 PM Forget that egghead, m'dear. His loss. You took the control of the situation. I don't know this chap, but if you were attracted to him I am sure he was a nice fella. But there are plenty of others, and you now know that you have enough control of the situation to carve your own path. You grew on this one. Don't stop, keep moving down the path of being a woman in control of her own life. Good on ya. All the best, Mick |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 27 Nov 06 - 08:33 PM As one who has said no to a woman, trust me, many ladies just can't take rejection - yet us poor males have to learn to cope with it from the beginning of puberty. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Richard Bridge Date: 27 Nov 06 - 07:50 PM Bad luck. Worth a try though. We all feel for you but don't let the let-down (don't call it a "rejection") get you down. Also don't let that cause you to lower your own standards. Do remember however that men can be just as negative about their own body images as women and some will reject advances because they fear their own body image. It is conventional wisdom that women are less bothered about physical appearance in their partners and it may be a safeguard to make it clear that that is not a make or break issue (assuming that to be so). Also remember that candy is dandy but liquor is quicker - although alcohol, while it increaseththe desire decreaseth the performance. Alcohol may therefore be said to be an equivocator. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,lox Date: 27 Nov 06 - 07:20 PM Good to feel alive though! isn't it? Now you can get on with the rest of your life and not waste any more of it wondering. Respect to you for everything - for being honest - to all concerned - but mostly for going for it. The heart needs frigging exercise. The adrenaline rush was wicked - don't pretend it wasn't You go girl!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,Guest Guest Date: 27 Nov 06 - 07:12 PM "I'm feeling rather disappointed because unfortunately it didn't work out like I'd hoped. Bottom line, he made it clear he wasn't interested." Oh, Blue Monday! Just remember Guest, guest, this does not need to be the last time you try the advice you were given. I guess is everyone has faced rejection in their love life before. I would also say we all learned something along the way. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Rowan Date: 27 Nov 06 - 07:02 PM Commiserations! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Tweed Date: 26 Nov 06 - 11:14 AM Well the guy's obviously either a complete danged fool or has lost his gear somewheres. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: John MacKenzie Date: 26 Nov 06 - 11:10 AM Obviously a man lacking in taste and discernment. If I lived any closer I'd offer you a consolatory [?] drink. Giok |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: GUEST,guest Date: 26 Nov 06 - 11:02 AM Thanks to all who were supportive. I'm feeling rather disappointed because unfortunately it didn't work out like I'd hoped. Bottom line, he made it clear he wasn't interested. He did so in a way that was as nice as possible, but I'm still smarting from the rejection, even though it was done in a kind manner. I'll get over it, but I don't want to go into details. I think all the advice was good, but if somebody just doesn't find you attractive in that way, none of it works. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: Richard Bridge Date: 26 Nov 06 - 10:27 AM Rising from the dead? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move? From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 26 Nov 06 - 07:28 AM ... more likely - The Mourning After.... |
