Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 03:17 AM

Yeah, thats the banjo players Porche.

Dave H

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Genie
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 03:17 AM

OK, who else knows any Duke Ellington or Charlie Mingus?

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Jayto
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 12:33 AM

"That distortion on that banjo is sweet!"

"The accordian player always gets the women."

"The folk band playing here tonight will be a little late going on tonight because thier personal jet has encountered bad weather and it delayed their landing."

" I'll pay for that I have more money than I know what to do with thanks to folk gigs."

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Don Firth
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 12:17 AM

"Does anyone here know all the verses to 'Greensleeves?'"

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Don Firth
Date: 01 Mar 09 - 12:15 AM

"Play something we can dance to. Play 'Mattie Groves'. . . ."

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Clontarf83
Date: 28 Feb 09 - 11:51 PM

(heard at a Dublin concert....)

"this is a song Mick Jagger wrote when he was still alive,,,,"

(ruby tuesday)

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Bugsy
Date: 28 Feb 09 - 11:23 PM

Here's one I've NEVER heard at a folk club.

"There are no strangers here, just friends we haven't met"

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Art Thieme
Date: 28 Feb 09 - 10:42 PM

What brand condom do...

Art

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Aeola
Date: 06 Feb 09 - 12:30 PM

Perfect!! I'll try this new one before Carnegie next month!!!

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 06 Feb 09 - 10:21 AM

Anyone got any "new" songs about the financial downturn or the queues at the job centre?

Someone should start a thread about Statements we ARE likely to hear at folk clubs.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Musket
Date: 06 Feb 09 - 10:14 AM

Is that an oboe? Oh really? I thought it was kindling for a bassoon fire...

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: GUEST,John from Kemsing
Date: 06 Feb 09 - 09:41 AM

I`d just like to sing you my latest protest song. I tells of the trials, tribulations and costs of running and insuring a Porsche!!"

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 06 Feb 09 - 09:21 AM

snork!!! good to know people are trundling around the other threads picking up these gems.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: GUEST,KevBoyd
Date: 06 Feb 09 - 09:19 AM

"And now for my next carefully rehearsed and highly polished performance..."

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Tim Leaning
Date: 25 Dec 08 - 10:20 AM

I wish I HAD heard some of the above - especially "Thanks for helping with the harmony, Tim", cos it's too long since I've seen you, mate!.
Awwwww
Merry christmas BBP you are lovely.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Peace
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 10:06 PM

Is that Telecaster pre-1962?

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Leadfingers
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 04:44 AM

200

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: GUEST,Anon for obvious reasons
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 04:00 AM

Sorry - I've just seen this post

"Look out, that dogs about to piss up your leg! Whew it's ok, hes gone for the table leg instead."

A true story (& why I have used a pseudonym)

I was singing in a very small folk club.
My girlfriend was sitting in the front row six feet away from me.
A guy had his weimaraner with him.
The dog got VERY visibly excited & kept jumping on my lady.

I managed to finish the set without laughing but just wondered if any other catters have had to use the phrase,
'Would you mind stopping your dog from raping my wife?'

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Genie
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 03:23 AM

Inkeeper/Pub Owner: "C'mon, you folkies.   I know I need the money, but why don't you guys take a break from ordering food and drinks and play a few tunes?"

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: johnross
Date: 24 Dec 08 - 12:35 AM

"I learned this at the foot of my father's phonograph"
(apologies to Bill Steele)

"I wrote this song about the hardships of growing up in Marin County."
[Note to British readers: Marin is a suburb of San Francisco; one of the wealthiest places in the US]

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Cool Beans
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 05:50 PM

Open mic performers who really suck MUST adhere to the time limit.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Brakn
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 05:08 PM

"Do you want us to join in the chorus of Amarillo?"
"It'll save you having to look at your crib sheet"

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 04:54 PM

Apart from "Bold Robert Emmett" my favourite song about the heroes on both sides of the Irish war of independence would be Harvey Andrews' "The Soldier".

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: GUEST,pip
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 03:57 PM

would you like a drink?

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Jack Campin
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 02:26 PM

I should think an ud would work very well for Christmas carols. I'll get mine out and have a go. I'd never thought of it before.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Phil Edwards
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 01:41 PM

Still a few tickets left for next week's Child Ballad night!

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 11:26 AM

I really enjoyed the double bassoon solo in "Silent Night." Would you mind doing it again? Oh, by the way; I have to disagree with that chap on your right. I thought the oud was the perfect choice for "O Little Town of Bethlehem."

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Rasener
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 06:14 AM

I am going to sing Hallalujah, Alexandra Burke style

Would you please refrain from joining in the chorus, as you are all pretty crap at singing.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Piers Plowman
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 03:28 AM

Easy Derider,
See what you done done.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 02:55 AM

ARRGGHHH! Must find another set of lyrics now... And I liked 5 Gospel Writers. Damnation!

But hey a quick look at Wikithingie shows there are non-canonical gospels. Q, Thomas, Peter and Judas.   

Well there are lyrics that say 5 for the 5 deriders. Could it be 5 for the Gospel deriders? I wonder if that is how there came to be this glaring inaccuracy. Somebody misheard Gospel Deriders as Gospel Writers.

hmmmmm

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 06:20 PM

I liked Sheppy Paul's telling indication of its religious accuracy too!

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 04:41 AM

Countin on it! Well if I could count. Children go where I send thee is a telling indication of my maths skills.

There! You have now been out self-deprecated.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:17 PM

Hey! I did do Uncle Joe! Next time you ask for it you get Fall Rver Hoedown (American, and of course I don't play American) in stead. And I did the Grey Cock, which only involves the walking dead and therefore necrophilia. And Admiral Benbow, and he only dies after the end of the song so the only dead are French and they don't count! And I did Cupid's Garden which has no deaths at all, only the impending separation of the lovers for up to 7 years (a naval tour of duty). You're right, I must be ill.

And I am also nothing beside the Mistress of Misery, Marian Button.

And so to the statement: "Yous just wait! I'll have "Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road" note perfect by next week".

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 02:48 PM

doing this on a dare from Melodeonboy

"And now for something cheerful, let's hear it for Richard Bridge" Sorry Richard the shirtmurderer made me do it.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 07:08 PM

I learned this next song from an old cowboy...well, he wasn't really a cowboy, more of a farmer I guess, but anyway, he rode a big horse, a bay if I remember, with a really working saddle, like he'd been riding all of his life which was probably the case, and you remember that scene in "Deliverance" with the banjos? well, he was better than any other banjo picker I've ever seen on a six-string fretless, sort of like the one Doc Watson might have used if he'd been a banjo picker but anyway, this old codger was could pick a rhythm better than anyone else and did he ever know the those old songs only it would cost you a bottle of whiskey to get him to sing them because you had to sort of lubricate his throat and loosen him up before he'd.... Oh, I'm sorry, I see I'm out of time, so let's close this set with "Michael Row The Board Ashore."

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Acorn4
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 06:49 PM

This is a slight variation on the first post on the thread:-

We normally sing this in Eb, but we'll do it in D so you can provide some subtle accompaniment on your melodeon!

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 01:18 PM

I could sing soprano before I had the operation.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: The Sandman
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 01:08 PM

or we are sending all our floorsingers to a singing workshop with Britney Spears.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: The Sandman
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 01:00 PM

we made so much money last year ,that we are going to give every member of the audience, one pound.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: The Sandman
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 12:35 PM

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: greg stephens - PM
Date: 16 Dec 08 - 09:55 AM

"I'd like you all to put your hands together for the guests tonight, the ever popular close harmony duo Diane Easeby and Lizzie Cornish"
what happened to Ruth Archer.Ithought it was a menage de trois.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Bob Hitchcock
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 10:19 AM

Things I have never heard while on tour.

- "I'm so happy we all had our own rooms at that Hilton"

- "Can you believe how much money we're making"

- "Isn't it wonderful how close these gigs are"

- "So what kind of long term investments are you into?"

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Acorn4
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 01:26 PM

I went up to my local the other night for an "open mike" - it was actually an open mike for bands, which I didn't realise at the time, but it was, in fact, very enjoyable with some good bands. What I didn't realise was that punk is, in fact, alive and well.

Two lads in their teens got up on stage, plugged in, switched the volume up to max, the lead singer then went:-

"ONE TWO, F*** YOU!"

and the rest of the lyrics were inaudible due to being drowned out by guitar, so I couldn't even ask :"How would you like me to f*** off?"

Don't think I would have heard this at a folk club!

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: GUEST,DaveMc
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 11:32 AM

Here's a pit song, in praise of Margaret Thatcher.... I learned it from the singing of Dick Gaughan (or was it Roy Bailey?). Please join in the chorus.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Acorn4
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 10:46 AM

or...


We've only got about ten minutes left, so I'll do a short one so that we can fit another couple of singers in.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 07:02 AM

Perhaps she meant she hates making a mess of it :-)

Another one -

No, I know it is late and the landlord wants us all to to go home but we realy don't mind you doing a medley of Matty Groves, Black Velvet Band and Famous Flower of Serving men for your last spot...

DeG

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: GUEST,OldNicKilby
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 06:07 AM

From a Scottish organiser in the East Midlands
"I HATE F>>>>>>G FOLK MUSIC"
I think that she really meant it

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 04:39 AM

Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs...

English Culture - what is it?

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 04:33 AM

TwickFolk - I have heard that one too.

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: GUEST,Steve in Idaho
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 09:11 PM

You wear a pistol in this club? How clever - and what's the wire screen in front of the band for?

Subject: RE: Statements you seldom hear at folk clubs
From: Genie
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 08:10 PM

"This trad. fiddle tune is in the key of F# and has an A part, a B part, a C part and a D part.
Each part is played through only once."