BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Peace
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 02:57 PM

"I will donate some of my spatulas (spatulae) to the spatula poor so that we may strive toward spatula-parity."

Startin' tuh sound like a commie tuh me!


"that nonsensical virgins thread"

What virgins thread?

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:23 PM

Damn, Bill. What can I say. I'm speechless. I'm in awe. That someone would post a photo of their guitar collection or their pets is normal. That someone would post a photo of their spatula collection is... Well, it's the sort of thing Dali or Warhol would have done. Congratulations!

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:11 PM

Posting anonymously works MUCH better if you log out first.

Brucie, you're losing it. You're conflating threads again. Either I have to go read that nonsensical virgins thread or you have to explain yourself better.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: GUEST,Layah
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:11 PM

The recent bout of conscience among the spatula rich must be addressed. I am among the spatula poor, and I say you can keep your spatulas! I don't want any filthy spatulas earned by the backs of the poor! Don't go doing me any favors. I'll earn my own spatulas, I don't need your help or anybody elses. And you can keep them fancy words like spatulae too. I'll use good plain English.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:05 PM

I promised I'd get back..it took some digging thru drawers to be sure I found 'em all....

the answer is enough... 14, I think.


(oh...THAT one?...you've heard about frying an egg on the sidewalk? THAT one is for removing the attempt...)

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:05 PM

Well, since my conscience is bothering me for having started this thread in the first place, I have decided that since I seem to be one of the spatula-rich (or at least the spatula-upper-middle-class), I will donate some of my spatulas (spatulae) to the spatula poor so that we may strive toward spatula-parity. Others of the spatula-rich are encouraged to do the same, though it seems pretty obvious that some, like Rapaire, will horde their spatula surplus and laud it over their less fortunate comrades.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Peace
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:03 PM

What's the difference between a democratic spatula and a communist spatula?

Like, suppose one spatula was used to flip free-range eggs (the democratic spatula) and the other--the filthy commie one--was used to flip eggs that came from chickens that were raised in captivity. OK would they have sold out to the fascist market economy system that is being manipulated by the Euro and the Yen and the Dollar? If the spatulas go to shrift, will the be absolved of their wrong doing? I ask you. And if the situations were reversed, how WOULD the hens feel about being wannabe virgins? And the spatulas?

Responses, anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Peace
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:51 AM

I must agree with my worthy colleague--and his culpa is mea culpa, too. Foolishly, I felt this thread (frivolous as it is--unlike Rapaire's thread on 1000 Virgins which speaks to a deep and important social issue) and stand by his side in his hour of shame. Please don't admonish Bruce; I am sure it was s spur-of-the-moment thing--a will 'o the wisp, a chimera of a memory of a recollection of a time when this world was a simpler place devoid of nuclear weapons, biochemical substances for use in warfare and beer that goes flat when you leave it in a glass for twelve days, and it was to the aforementioned contextual angst-causing world problems to which he was responding. Like, what's THAT about, huh? The flat beer I mean.

Anyway, please forgive Bruce for this error, and please forgive Bruce for 'jumping right in there' to fart around.

Bruce and I did NOT discuss his public apology before he made it. It was a surprise to me--and him to. Creatures of impulse: that's what humans are. Creatures of habit--that's what, OH! forget it, that's religion.

It's nice to see someone else in deeeeeep dung for a change. Thanks for takin' it for the team Bruce.


TO THE CLONES


Bee-dubya-ell is a real trouble maker. Give him sh#t.

Signed,

Anonymous.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Jim Tailor
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:46 AM

Was it Sir Isaac Newton who postulated that, "With a spatula big enough, I could lift the world."?


In answer to SRS...

...is anyone watching?

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:46 AM

yuck! RAW EGG has touched that spatula! don't use it for ANYTHING ELSE until it has been sanitized in 160 degree (F) water for 10 minutes and or a 1 percent bleach solution for 15 minutes. Or both.   Otherwise you are at high risk for food poisoning.

You should probably dispose of the utensil and buy a fresh one. Beware of raw egg!

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:45 AM

"lots of spatulae"

Plural for spatula spatulae? Or spatulas?

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:35 AM

Them that has, gets. Them that don't, don't. I'm spatula-rich, and you spatula-poor are just the unwashed. Perhaps if you worked harder you'd have enough spatulae, but obviously you are either lazy slobs or God has it in for you, or both. My life has been filled with the joy that having lots of spatulae can bring because I have lived a good, pure, God-fearing life. So there.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Sorcha
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:28 AM

3 if the rubber scrapers don't count. 5 if they do.
1 metal in the house
1 metal in the camp box
1 BIG hummer for the grill
1 large, 1 small rubber scraper spatulas.
I'm deprived!

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:25 AM

Bonus points:

You're in the middle of mixing banana bread batter. You used your last good (locatable) spatula to scrape the lightly beaten eggs from their bowl into the stand mixer. You reach over and drop it into the sink. Now you have the mixer going and need to scrape down the sides.

Do you:

Pick up the next spatula that is in the pitcher of utensils on the counter, even if it's that big honker that you never use because of its size (and because you use it so rarely you know it's dusty)

Scrounge around for something else that will do the trick

Grab the spatula out of the dishpan where you just dropped it and use it as is because it landed on a clean surface and didn't touch the water yet?

Follow-up:

If it did touch the water, do you wash it before you reuse it?

Is a quick rinse under the faucet sufficient to render it reusable or must you use soapy water (knowing that the water in the dishpan is old and no longer soapy)?


Leave your papers by the door on the way out. Thank you.
SRS

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:23 AM

I have been feeling very guilty about starting this thread. A have come to realize that spatula ownership has the potential for creating even more division among our membership than already exists. It's not enough that we must be pigeon-holed as liberal or conservative, religious or secular, purist or eclectic, accordion player or accordion hater. Now we're either spatula-rich or spatula-poor. Will those who have lots of spatulas begin to shun those who only have a few? Will those who have few spatulas come to think of the spatula-rich as being elitist snobs?

Will someone please delete this thread before it causes Mudcat civil war?

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 11:06 AM

3 small metal ones we use primarily as serving utensils
2 wide "rubber" spats
1 narrow "rubber" spat
1 wooden icing spat
2 barbecue flipper thingies
2 metal pancake flippers
2 "non stick" pancake flippers
1 pallet knife USED and reserved for use as a spat
2 wierd ones that showed up one day and took up residence in the utensill drawer.

that's 16 - but we could use a few more of the rubber ones.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: An Pluiméir Ceolmhar
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 03:42 AM

Old-fashioned family here, and it's my wife who owns the kitchen ones. But I have a treasured Polyfilla spatula which I got from my Dad, and I think of him every time I use it for little plastering jobbies.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Sooz
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 02:54 AM

I'm sure that many of the above spatulas are actually pallet knives. We need a better working definition!

Just off to work now where I have dozens of spatulas in the lab. Theres a particularly nice one called a Griffin Trulla which is brilliant for pricking out seedlings.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: open mike
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 02:51 AM

2 long bar-be-que sized metal ones
1 giant rubber one--industrial grade
2 wooden ones
3 regular sized rubber ones
3 narrow rubber ones
2 mini rubber ones
one nylon one
one slotted plastic one..for teflon
one long metal one..frosting spreader
one with scalloped edges...not sure what it is good for..(slotted)
one metal slotted one with bake lite handle--part of my mom's set
but i so far have resuisted the temptation to get one of the
handle-free models--unless you count the stainless steel one
where the spot welded handle broke off and i kept the blade..
because i thought it might be good for cutting brownies..
wow i guess that makes 19

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 02:06 AM

I don't burn myself though [knock wood]--I think we all learn what our threshold is as far as dealing with heat, and people who cook a lot are in a good position to refine this sense. I wouldn't pick up anything out of hot oil, for example, or stick my hand in boiling water. But the physics of cooking (in conjunction with the chemistry of cooking) is such that it can be a hands-on process. As Moonglow noted to me a little while ago, it's like knowing if you can reach in (sans implement, in our case, bamboo tongs) and get that slice of toast out of the toaster without burning yourself.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Teresa
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 01:44 AM

ah, yes, the calluses on my fingers are most certainly not from playing guitar. They could be, but ... but ...

I subscribe to the sRS mode of cooking. I've burnt myself pretty good, too. But it's the best way to feel where the food is, as I don't see. My cooking teacher always said that too ... "just don't show anyone what you're doing. Heheheheheh.

Teresa

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Kaleea
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 01:32 AM

Ummm, I have bunches of 'em. Not as many as I did have. My neice came over in a bug hurry to borrow a slotted spatula the other day. Sure, I said. She'd bring it right back as soon as she got a new one.
    When she brought it back, I asked her what she had been cooking. "OH, I wasn't cooking anything. I just needed to clean out the cat's litter box!"
   That particular spatula is no longer in my utensil drawer.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Peace
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:31 AM

Grasshopper,

If you use a knife as a screw driver, will the screw know the difference? If you use an AK 47 to scramble eggs, will the guests laugh nervously? If you use a living Bengal tiger as a placemat, will your guests be happy you have the AK 47?

To clarify my answer Grasshopper, in a word, gimme a hit.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 12:17 AM

The question has arisen (Please don't ask from where. You don't really want to know. Trust me on this.), "If a spatula is not used as a spatula, is it still a spatula?" For instance, if you keep a spatula in your car to scrape ice from your windshiled, is it still a spatula or is it an ice scraper? If you use a spatula to stir paint, is it still a spatula or is it a paint stirrer? In other words, is spatulaness inherent in the physical item itself, or is it determined by the use to which that item is put?

You may rest assured that I await your comments with bated breath.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:44 PM

One curved spatula for moveing the scrotum.

On Cyclendirca for lilting the the latter regions.

One flat one packetaged with the Clother-line-clips - for kink.

Two for speading adible.

One for the waffle jar.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Peace
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:43 PM

OK, guys. Sorry. I got carried away. Internet sites--some just get to ya, ya know? I'm back on track again.

deluxe edition

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:31 PM

I myself don't have them, but there is such a thing as "spatulate fingers." They could be used in place of spatulas, saving both money and counter space.

Well, that's a medical condition. However, my ex calls them "asbestos fingers" when I pick up things that were in the pan (or are still in the pan) and move them, turn them, slide, nudge, or on occasion, pick them up off the stovetop or floor and put them back. (Julia Child said that what they don't know won't hurt them. . .) anyway, my ex (the guy with the colorful spatulas) says his mom also has asbestos fingers. I think it just comes from cooking a lot and running out of spatulas. . .

I'd love one of these for out in the back yard. It could double as a spatula.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:29 PM

Nice, Brucie, but it ain't spatulas. I mean it's okay to be into woks and sushi sets if that's what trips your trigger, but it's just not the way I'm wired. I'll just stick with my spatulas.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Peace
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:19 PM

You guys, this stuff is all over the internet. The depravity of cooks--well, I just never knew. Look at this link and don't even TRY to tell me we aren't living in a strange world. And the sublime nature of the sales technique? Pass it off as KITCHEN implements. Huh! Like, WE know what it's REALLY for!

http://www.wokshop.com/products_main.html

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: moonglow
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:11 PM

Well, I went and did a quick spatula count and came up with this:

10 "proper" spatulas- (the rubber/silicone type- my mom's (SRS') are white, but my dad has some quite nice coloured ones)
1 wooden spatula (used mainly (to my knowledge) for scrambled eggs and the occasional italian sausage, and for nonstick pans)
1 spreading-spatula (the variety of which my Home-Ec teacher insisted was the only true variety of spatula, although I refused to believe her)
4 pancake/hamburger-flipping-type spatulas
2 antiques of the former, both of which are highly evolved and contain mechanisms to grip and/or turn with but a squeeze of the hand
1 cake server (which could be used in times of dire need as a spatula)
2 (handle-free!) nylon pan scrapers

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: GUEST,ragdall
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 11:04 PM

Don't forget the left handed spatulas.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:45 PM

Cigarette, hell! How about some Prozac? God! Those are some fine spatulas! I'm in lust!

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:41 PM

and for years, I thought that "Spatula" was a Yiddish word. Like "Tumult".

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: GUEST,brucie
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:33 PM

I know Rapaire. It's like nothing is sacred anymore. I no longer understand this world. I would become a recluse--but I think they're spiders.

Notice, as I am sure you did, such phrases as

extremely flexible, lightweight, and versatile
upward tilt of its front edge
from an angle rather than straight on
no risk of the handle loosening
tiny recessed dots that give it a slip-proof grip

Whew.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:11 PM

God, Brucie, did you have to?

Because of the gaps in its thin, spare metal skeleton, this turner-spatula is extremely flexible, lightweight, and versatile. The upward tilt of its front edge means you can lift and loosen foods from an angle rather than straight on. The 4.5-inch long slots in this turner also allow for good drainage, so cooks often use it for lifting delicate fried foods like fish fillets from a skillet. Constructed from a single piece of stainless steel, there's no risk of the handle loosening. The handle is imprinted with Global's signature tiny recessed dots that give it a slip-proof grip.

I hate to post such, well, arousing stuff here, but oh my god...oh my god...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Got a cigarette?

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Peace
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:05 PM

A detail from the post above.

http://www.epinions.com/Global_10_5_Turner_Spatular__Spatulas_GS_27/display_~full_specs

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Peace
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 10:00 PM

For the lonely chefs out there. Not quite pornography, but certainly arousing.

http://www.epinions.com/hmgd-Cooking-Tools-All-Spatulas

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 09:53 PM

I myself don't have them, but there is such a thing as "spatulate fingers." They could be used in place of spatulas, saving both money and counter space.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 09:11 PM

Thank you. I'm glad I didn't insist.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: GUEST,Layah
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 08:55 PM

Since you brought it up I wasn't really sure it was Spatula City, but I just did a quick internet search and it appears to be city, not world.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 08:47 PM

I thought it was "Spatula World" in that Weird Al movie, though I'd never be rude enough to insist I'm right. I always leave insisting I'm right up to other assholes whenever possible.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Joe Offer
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 08:40 PM

Amos, remind me never to eat at your house....
-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: GUEST,Layah
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 08:39 PM

In the Weird Al Yankovic movie UHF there is an ad for a store called spatula city, and it had a wonderful jingle "Spatula City, Spatula City, we sell spatulas...and that's all" I've always wanted to go to that store.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 08:34 PM

But flippers are only a small part of the grand totality that is spatulaness! Spatulas don't just flip! They scrape! They smooth! They saute'! They stir!

If you are only using your spatulas to flip, Brucie, you are only experiencing a small part of the spatula experience! Get with it, man! Go to a store and ask someone, "Excuse me, but can you direct me to the spatulas?" Don't be afraid to ask for help. Many people need a little push to get over that initial fear of spatulas. Just do it! You'll be glad you did.

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 08:13 PM

Nothin' fishie about my boy Bruce!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Peace
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 08:11 PM

Free at last, free at last . . . .

Thank you, Venerable Rapaire. Flippers. Why the heck didn't someone say that to begin with?!! I coulda answered that right off if a certain someone who will go unnamed BRUCE hadn't used the word spatula like eveyone knows what it is. Sheeeeeeesh! I suppose we're gonna start giving them colours now, like cherry blossom mauve and antiquated begonia teal or stuff like that.

YES, I have NO flippers.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Blowzabella
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 07:47 PM

None - altho I do have 2 fish slices...and i don't eat fish...they all do the same job don't get? getting flat things out of things?

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 07:46 PM

I have

a bunch of little nylon flipper types
a bunch of rubber scraper-types
a bunch of regular-sized flipper-types
a bunch of wooden flipper types
a bunch of wooden scraper types
a bunch of rubber scraper types with slightly concave scrapers
a bunch of metal spreader types
a bunch of assorted types I can't make heads or tails of.

TOTAL: a bunch of various types of spatulas.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 07:45 PM

Hot damn! You heard the man! Now we've got something to blackmail Offer with!


Dear Mrs. Offer,

I know this may come as a shock to you, but are you aware that when you're away Joe uses metal spatulas?

A Friend


Just get in touch with me, Joe, and we'll see what we can do about making sure that letter never gets sent.

Be sure you have your checkbook handy.

Subject: RE: BS: How Many Spatulas Do YOU Own???
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 07:44 PM

Wow!!What a WONDERFUL idea for a thread. I am stoked -- this is the first original idea to appear on the Cat since 2001, April.

My answer is five, including one large slotted originally used for filtering ktity litter but since converted to a chef's spatula....

maybe that was in the don't ask, don't tell department....


A