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BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Geoff the Duck Date: 14 Dec 04 - 05:20 PM A head appears over the parapet from the Minstrels Gallery. "What's all that commotion down there then???" "Did I hear my name being taken in vain?" "Why is that squid back? I thought I'd given him the bus fare back to the docks!" "And who's that 'Duck Herd' in the reflective jacket? (Probably only a joke to those who live in 'Ull). It's getting too rowdy in here for us that just want a quiet drink with the odd brass band and chip supper. He opens the shutters on the far side of the landing and lets a Blue Clicky fly through the window. It rests on an ornately carved pedestal half way along the balcony and sings to anyone who tickles it gently behind its neck. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 14 Dec 04 - 11:23 AM "duck wrangler" My hearing must be going, I thought they said duck w**ker! Still, you must admit that swan upping is a bit of a lark. Nearly as much fun as goose gandering. Best to keep it temporary, it can only lead to fowl pest and a withered beak. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 14 Dec 04 - 11:02 AM I don't care WHAT my siblings tell you - I was *NEVER* a proffessional duck-wrangler. It was strictly a temp summer job - along with the occasional goose gaggling and swan herding. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:42 AM I trust that bus is fitted with all the statutory safety devices necessary for the carriage of rubber wildfowl. To whit, harnesses, belts, nets or other equipment to restrain the said ducks in the event of collision and sufficient seating for said ducks. Are the ducks accompanied by a suitably qualified duckherd? Are they to be issued with high visibility reflective jackets for use during herding? Love the song MMario, is it based on personal experience? The squid returns to the tavern muttering about union rates and overwork. Multifooted shouldn't have to mean multitasking and now he's lost his voice shouting at ducks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 14 Dec 04 - 10:18 AM I was wondering what I did wrong... As I was a-soaking one morning in jello, |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:58 AM OOps, soorrry, Mmario--RAPAIRE--You're toast if you come near the tub! (I was still proofing the thing when it accidentally sent the last message--going off half-coded). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:56 AM Aaaacckkkk! Splutter Splash splash splash MMario, you're toast if you set foot out on this deck for the rest of the day! Where's the squid? I have a job for you! You see all of these duckies? Corral them, please! You see that electric koolaid acid painted bus out at the back of the parking lot? Yeah, that one. Fill it with rubber duckies, please. You know the words. . . move along, little duckies. . . hmmm hmmmm hmmm and Wyoming will be your new home. . . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:33 AM Oh no! Look at all these ducks, what fool let them free? Does he not realise that these ducks cannot live without their life support system. They need constant latexing and rubbing and contact with something called a Geoff, who I believe to be their leader. No only that, but 2 have been lost, there are only 4,374 here. Lorcan also realises that not only are his feet cold, but they are in fact his own feet. This is strange as he thought he had swapped them for a pair of red, sparkly bed socks with a bearded man on a sled. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:20 AM I'm tempted to give you all a rendition of "Boris the Blue Balled Reindeer" - but maybe I'll save it for Christmas Eve. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 14 Dec 04 - 09:07 AM "Whee!" he yells, as he pulls a cord and with a chord 4,376 rubber duckies descend like the balloons at a US political convention. And descend they do, into the hot tub, the jello, the lobster bisque, the punch bowl, and various glasses and cups of liquid. "Merry Christmas, rubber duckies!" he shouts. "I have set you free!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:47 AM So that's why he keeps returning to the hot tub. I thought he'd just lost his soap but then I am going quackers. As it has gone quiet in here I shall now give a rendition of my new song "Sod off you Hairy Old Pervert" to the tune of Rudolph. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: InOBU Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:44 AM After a brief snooze of some time 47 hours or so, Lorcan wakes up and notices that his feet are very very cold! AND THEY ARE! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MBSLynne Date: 14 Dec 04 - 08:29 AM Mingulay, I suggest you ask Geoff...he has a rather peculiar smile on his face! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 14 Dec 04 - 07:05 AM Is this duck rubbing some strange Christmas custom that I have previously missed? What happens to the ducks when rubbed, or is that a leading question? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MBSLynne Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:52 AM *Rubber duckie, you're so fine And I'm glad that you are mine, Rubber Duckie you're my very best friend it's truuuuuuuue.... Every day when I make my way to the tubby I find a little fella who's cute and yella and chubby........* Something very sad about someone my age who knows the words of all the Sesame Street songs................... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MAG Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:43 AM Wow, I go away for the weekend and the singers have all quit?? I need that hot tub, but no torturing of felines in my presence. I'll round up whoever wants to sing after a good soak ... zzzz ... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rustic Rebel Date: 14 Dec 04 - 02:16 AM Don't mind me I'm just sneaking up on the cats and squawking my bassoon. Ha! Did you see that sucker jump? Oh! Ha! that one fell right in the hot tub. That cat can scream, scared the hell out of it. Sorry folks in the tub, I didn't mean to scare you too. Good thing the cat's declawed huh? Come kitty, kitty. I have some Baileys....SQUAWK...... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Susan A-R Date: 14 Dec 04 - 12:06 AM Ah, now this is civilized, lobster bisque and a nice pint of amber ale. I've got some yummy fresh pears, perfectly ripe, just the thing after a nice rich meal. A little juicy on the fiddle strings, but things seem a little mellow in here for a tune anyway, not bad after a long day. I'd consider the hot tub, but I'd fall asleep and drown at this point. I'll just cheer the duck races from the sidelines. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 13 Dec 04 - 07:11 PM Grroooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn.... Limpit is tucked up asleep again.... she does things to a rubber duckie that ought not be witnessed by any ornithologist.... she won't even let me sing the song.... All together now.... Rubber Duckie, you're the one, You make bathtime lots of fun, Rubber Duckie I'm awfully fond of you.... boe doe dodi-oe... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Geoff the Duck Date: 13 Dec 04 - 03:14 PM Liz - I think the Carol Singers went off like a damp squab.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: SINSULL Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:15 PM No duckies...but I do have a red rubber rabbit who is my best friend. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 13 Dec 04 - 11:23 AM And exactly what's wrong with rubber duckies in the hot tub, may I ask? I take MY rubber duckies with me whenever I get into the water, including my morning shower. After all, they saved my life once and it's the least I can do for them. Maybe you just don't have a good relationship with your rubber duckies. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 13 Dec 04 - 10:46 AM so that's why they've been singing 'Lo how a rear descending?' |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 13 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM You have a point, Liz. Better keep her royal behindness bundled up inside then. But what happened to the carolers? Who sat on them? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 13 Dec 04 - 04:03 AM Brrrr! That cold air hits hard when you get out of that hot tub. Glad to be back inside for a hot toddy. I hear the Canadians are in and in good voice singing their one and only carol "We Three Kings of Ontario are". Ah, lunch. I think the lobster bisque followed by pigeon pie and maybe just a morsel of christmas pud. Thankfully the jello has all gone now, swept out with the empty shell that was once John Boy Walton. That Knacker Lacquer was fading fast at the end, I think in future we'll try the ACME "BOLLOCK BRITE" and the festive headed thumb tacks. Getting close now. Time to do the Christmas shopping. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 13 Dec 04 - 02:42 AM YAAAYYYYYYYY!!! 200th Post!!! MINE, MINE, all LTs |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 13 Dec 04 - 02:21 AM Did you sit on those carol singers by mistake? I heard a distinct squishy sound..... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 13 Dec 04 - 01:53 AM SRS - she's 8... she'll bring her Barbie mermaid, the Baby Born bathable baby doll, several rubber duckies and some unsavoury habits with her.... do you really want to share? Now I, on the other hand have learnt to get out of the bath to pee.... but I insist on there being lots of bubbles and a vanilla scented candle. However, the food will have to wait.. I've got 16lbs to lose before next month's surgery (or else they'll not be able to find the right place)... hang on though.... remove the pastry from the pigeon pie take the fatty skin off the goose - hey, it's all Atkins friendly - I can scoff the lot! (Oddly enough, my mothers' pet name for me when I was little... her pigeon pie.... could this be why I hate the damn birds now? Only good pigeon is a squab, with hollandaise!). Now.. where did those carol singers go? LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 12 Dec 04 - 11:09 PM Ooooh--fix us up a nice tray and have Thisbe bring it out, would you? And maybe Liz and Limpit would like to join us out in the tub. A mother/daughter soak sounds nice. SRS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 12 Dec 04 - 06:56 PM Sorry - it wasn't an elizabethean time warp this time - just a Victorian one! But I brought back a bunch of figgy pudding, a big bowl of Wassail and all the leftovers from Clara Hollywells Christmas party. Mrs. O'Hara (the Hollywell's housekeeper) got a bit carried away - so there's a crown roast of venison; two untouched roast goose, some excellent pigeon pie and and entire tureen of lobster bisque! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 12 Dec 04 - 04:48 PM Right, Limpit and I are back from the wilds of Norfolk and are ready to party... just as soon as I recover from last Friday - 40yrs old with a dicky ticker is NOT the time to start going to rock gigs! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 12 Dec 04 - 03:52 PM Nothing much was going on, and so, on the Seventh Day, he rested. Just as he had been doing the previous six. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 11 Dec 04 - 10:41 PM Sage invited Moonglow to join her, and they are soaking in the hot water of the hot tub, enjoying the dark, cool night air surrounding the steaming water. There are a couple of cats, Siamese-mixes, perched happily on the edge of the tub, the calico trying to delicately groom the wet hair when it moves close to her. The jello was apparently contained within the building, and judging from the green rivulets running across the pavement from the front and side doors, the hose-down seems to have done the trick for the inside. "Is there anything left to eat in there?" one of the women shouts towoard the open doorway. It that cute cook hasn't slipped back into an Elizabethan time-warp, maybe he still has some fresh rabbit stew. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: el_punkoid_nouveau Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:43 PM The punkoid looked around him. "Hey - where's everyone gone suddenly? It's a bit quiet in here - maybe they're watching out-takes from the Waltons... Or are they all in the hot tub washing off the jello flavoured duck empties?" Even the resident carol singers were quiet. Quietly, he begins to hum, and then sing... "It was Christmas Eve, Babe..." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: InOBU Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:58 AM (long phone call! Outer Mongolia, lost Friend, needed directions, on foot, to Katmando... wanted to stay on the phone till he got there...)... the back of dick Cheney's guitar... head poping out the sound hole. "Ah JAZUS will ye look at all this ree rah!" says Lorcan... "we need to slow all this down!" So, with Cheney's guitar still around his neck, he picks up his own, and plays as Amanda sings, leaving the Monkey House... (Lyrics posted in the music threads). Cheers - glad the fire was put out while I was on the phone Lor |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 10 Dec 04 - 09:44 PM Thanks, MAG! I was just about to post a query about how the place could have been so clean 10 days ago and in such a state now! It just needed a little TLC (Terrific Licquor Concentration). Ask the barkeep if he'll pass along one of those hard apple ciders to the hot tub, please! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MAG Date: 10 Dec 04 - 09:31 PM OK, here comes the super green clean machine, which squirts water and sucks it up again. A quickie all around the floor. Have to get rid of the smell before I discover chocolate stout. wow. Can it get it in Portland, OR.? Round singers are taking a break. will resume shortly. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 10 Dec 04 - 05:27 PM Who'da thunk it--I entered "duck poop" in Google images and got this. Of course, the image doesn't convey the slipperyness, the size or the smell. . . this is of the avian kind of duck, naturally! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Geoff the Duck Date: 10 Dec 04 - 03:01 PM MMario - if you need to expand the Hare Stew exponentially I expect that Frizbee can use her connections to borrow a Cornucopia to cook it in. You'll have to keep it quiet though, I dread to think what sort of scenes we'd get if Oaklet and company hear that somebody has got a "horn of plenty".... Barkeep - by the way - who IS behind the bar this year? I like to have a face to attach to a name.... Anyway, whoever you might be, can you pour MAG a glass of the Young's Double Chocolate Stout and a round of their Christmas Pudding Ale for the rest of the company. BLICKY HERE You'll have to navigate to the beers yourself... And I don't understand why people are complaining about Duck leavings. About the only thing I've ever left in here is empty glasses..... Mind you - if somebody offered to refill them............... Quack!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 10 Dec 04 - 12:56 PM Sage decides that the steaming hot tub out on the covered back patio looks like a quiet retreat from the chaos inside the tavern. Picking up her bag with the swim suit and fluffy towel and robe, she heads for the infamous Mudcat women's room to change. "Gotta remember not to get near that third stall, that's the one where Liz got stuck a couple of years ago." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:55 AM Picking himself up, slipping several times in the...duck leavings, he downs the Moose Drool and gasps out, "Afterburner!" The barmistress knows what is needed, though she fears what is coming, and hands him a mixture of 151 proof rum and grain alcohol -- and a butane lighter. "Point it away from the drapes and try not to singe Limpit," she says. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:54 AM John Boy alerted by a prescence at the base of tree stares down in horror at the sight below. A mad punk covered in jello crawls toward the fire canister in hand, chaos in mind. John Boy knows the power of the aerosol contents only too well, with added flame who knows...... The concertina after describing a perfect arc through the air lands on the face of a slumbering drunk, who, thinking it some kind of bug, throws it off herself only for it to land on the punk's hand thus dislodging the can which rolls under a chair. John Boy faints with relief. Too many nuts have been scorched already. Four waiters stagger in with a huge hare pie, steam rising from its crust. They are closely followed by several hares protesting about the making and consumption of pies. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: InOBU Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:42 AM Not WHISKEY! Cries Amanda Plain and Tall, realizing that it is Punkinoid's intent to put out a wee fire started next to the grate, here throw this on it... APPLE JUICE! ...... WOOOOOOOOFFFFFF! she tosses the apple juice (whiskey... see earlier part of thread) Lorcan jumps up to help, putting his head through.... oh... there's the phone.... tell you in a.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:38 AM If you can't find enough rabbit, try this recipe instead (since you only need one bison, the shopping would be much easier): Yanasa Gunvhi (Cherokee Buffalo Stew) Buffalo meat is very tasty, and has less fat than beef. 2 lbs of buffalo stew meat, cut into 1-inch cubes 24 wild onions 4 qts wild game stock or water 2 lbs of wild tubers such as yucca 1 Tbsp sage Salt Brown the buffalo cubes on high heat until seared (about 3 min.) Add 4 quarts of water, tubers, onions, and sage, and boil until ingredients are tender. Remove from fire and place into baking dish. Bake at 425 degrees for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and salt to taste. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: el_punkoid_nouveau Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:28 AM el_punkoid picks up InOBU's conertina, and smiles gratefully (a fatal think from a punkoid). "Does this thing give a good breeze?" He pulls and squeezes the box, and jumps back in amazement at the appalling sound it emits. "Holy flamethrowers!" he cries, doing his best impersonation of a certain caped crusader's assistant. His jump heralds further disasters, as he lands on a particularly sloppy bit of jello mixed with the reminders of duck presence. As he struggles to regain his balance, he throws the concertina - by sheer luck managing not to land it in the fire. He, on the other hand lands at the base of the Christmas tree, his hand on a round aerosol canister. el_punkoid picks the canister up. "KnackerLaquer" he says. "Aerosol can". He pauses, momentarily deep in thought. "That tina was no help in boosting this fire. Butane propellant though - just what any self respecting pyro needs!" The punk climbs onto his knees, and crawls, and starts to crawl firewards. "Hey guys - I could use a whisky as well" he calls... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 10 Dec 04 - 11:26 AM This recipe looks tasty. Anyone know how uch hare I'd need to server 250? Christmas hare Zajac swiateczny 4 lb hare bottle white dry wine 1pint sour cream 3 tbsp butter 2 tablespoon oil 2 tablespoon flour 1/2 ham - diced 1/2 lb mushrooms 10 small onions 1 teaspoon sugar thyme, bay-tree leaf, fresh parsley 2 cloves of garlic, salt, pepper, juniper, basil Cut the hare into portions. Cut the onions into cubes and add to the wine. Add salt, pepper, spices and a tablespoon of oil. Mix and add to the hare. Leave for 8 hours in a cool place. Then take out the meat, leave it for a while, fry in oil and 1 tbsp butter. When the hare is well fried, sprinkle it with flour. Once again add the wine, thyme, parsley, garlic and salt and pepper. (reserve the onions) Cook under a lid for about an hour. Dice the mushrooms and fry in 1 tbsp butter. Fry onions in remaining butter with sugar. Now put the hare in a heat resistant pot, mix the sauce with sour cream, add ham, onions, and mushrooms, pour the sauce over the hare and cook, covered until soft. Add a tablespoon of flour to the sauce to thicken. Serve over toast points, potatoes, rice ,polenta or noodles. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 10 Dec 04 - 10:42 AM Rutherford was last seen pole vaulting through the door in hot pursuit of woman shouting "where did Wendigo?". Woman sneaks back in and is found looking admiringly at tree decoration. Meanwhile Rutherford is pogoing his way to the forest hoping for a deep snowdrift when he spots the rear end of a moose directly in his path at the end of this trajectory........... A four legged squid on crutches clunks his way into the bar throws a hula hoop onto the counter and says "my round I think". He retreives a dustbin lid and two bottle tops in change and, complaining about the prices compared to the Legion, immerses himself in jello. A nightingale sings in Berkeley CA. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,The Amazing Rutherford Date: 10 Dec 04 - 09:39 AM Woman gone. Tree gone. Amazing Rutherford go to make Christmas whoopee with Wendigo. Now Amazing Rutherford gone. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 10 Dec 04 - 09:29 AM "Moose Drool," he whispers, with a furry tongue and a furry mouth and a furry head. "Moose Drool, please. I really need Moose Drool." And he falls backwards, landing on top of (and in the middle of the leavings of) several ducks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 10 Dec 04 - 08:44 AM Careful Lynne or you will dislodge that calming suppository from your previously betwigged nether parts and reinsertion is not an option, not without THE SCREENS. Besides, where can we find a hop pole this far from Kent. What's the pole for I hear you say, I'm going to open the top windows. Those pickled eggs......... Back to my Chocolate Stout and smoked salmon. Playfully cudgel John Boy about the head with a half burnt crumhorn in an attempt to stifle the moans which are drowning out the singaround in the snug. A banjo starts up in the corner. It is soon stopped by removing the rotor arm and battery. Its operator is hung by the scrotum as a warning to others. |
