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BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too....
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MBSLynne Date: 10 Dec 04 - 07:33 AM Damn Mingulay! Just as I was calming down...snigger..snort...guffaw..hhaaaahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! Oh Gods! I can't breathe!!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: InOBU Date: 10 Dec 04 - 07:03 AM Ah my good pal Punkinoid... I'll lend thee my concertina... but thee must promise quite faithfully not to throw it in the fire! Chheeerrzzzz Lor |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 10 Dec 04 - 05:25 AM Just attacking my fourth Double Chocolate Stout (yes there is such a thing and it's extremely moreish) and saw John Boy's balls through somewhat misty eyes. How DID he apply that glitter, if indeed it is glitter. John Boy's alcoholically lifeless hand drops an aerosol can emblazoned with the words "Knacker Lacquer - Adds Lustre to your Cluster". Ah the smoked salmon, a little pepper and lemon, buttered brown bread, maybe a smidgin of caviar. John Boy stirs and gazes enviously at MBSLynne now free from her arborial encumbrance. However, even that slight movement lodges the offending branch deeper into it's unwilling receptacle and the resulting tears once more cloud his sight. Millions of TV viewers rejoice, it's payback time. God! those pickled eggs..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MBSLynne Date: 10 Dec 04 - 04:30 AM MBSLynne rolls on the floor...helpless with laughter at Geoff the Duck's last posting. Quick someone...give me something alcoholic...I need to catch my breath! And that Pacific smoked salmon sounds JUST the thing I need too....But don't let me look at the Christmas tree or it'll set me off again...snigger...giggle...titter.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Stilly River Sage Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:58 PM Sage was not aware of the (alledged) reputation of the small child Limpit, so engaged her assistance in retreiving the ornaments from the rafters to place on the tree. The jello-daubed harness wasn't needed, and was left dangling near the wall out of sight. Sorry about no more squid--the last one refused to practice self-immolation and scuttled off to sea. You'll have to do with hot dogs instead. Jacqui.c, did you check under that chair before you sat down? I think there were a couple of eeeewwwwwwww! you'd better clean your shoes before you try to put them on again. It has been confirmed, there are ducks beneath your chair. "Thisbe, what is Rapaire doing with that coffee?! He might ruin that leather thing." Winks and says under her breath in the Mudcat secret language: Considering the possibilities of images, from handbags to thongs and far beyond, my choice was quite moderate! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MAG Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:47 PM Gator Sandwich. ugh. nasty stuff. I tried it once in that little joint out Tornado Alley way -- the one with the poster of Donna whats-her-name on the wall. Now, this smoked salmon from the Pacific Northwest is something else chocolate stout. Is there a form of alcohol with chocolate in it besides those syrupy licquers? er, liquor -- licquere ... er, never mind. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rustic Rebel Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:24 PM Plenty of squid left over in that jar. People know where that squid has been. Ahh.... it's about time that blasted cat removed itself from my shoulder. I was afraid to move for awhile (remembering a cat a few years ago and it's nasty nature) Ha ha ha to you Mudcat-No claws- ha ha ha.(It is most deserving) I can sure smell that those picked eggs got eaten up, don't even need Spaw and the Reg boys to tell you that. One thing I forgot to mention though, was a little secret ingredient in those eggs. If the lights on the tree start to look like rainbow strobe lights and the frog legs start to dance, well my friends, then you found yourself a good egg. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Geoff the Duck Date: 09 Dec 04 - 07:11 PM I think the tree decorations were a Waltons Family outtake special - John Boy hanging from his balls on the Christmas Tree.... Quack! GtD. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: jacqui.c Date: 09 Dec 04 - 04:41 PM Well, it's nice to be able just to settle into a comfy chair for a while and not think about where we're travelling to next! I'd love to know where the tree ornaments came from - never seem any quite that ....... interesting. All I want is a nice glass of wine, feet up and a snooze for an hour or so. Mmario - those fillets look lovely and did anyone mention squid? Almost as good as lobster. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: el_punkoid_nouveau Date: 09 Dec 04 - 04:00 PM el_punkoid smirked gently at the thought of furry thongs. "That'd keep me toes nice and warm" he muttered. Mindful of LtS's advice, and having a mildly scorched bum, he sidled away from the fire, and eyed up the heap of recorders in the corner of the bar. "Nah - done that trick. What this fire needs is a bit more willow - these cricket bats will do nicely, now we've finished the Zimbabwe tour. What we really need is a good pair of bellows." He looked around the crowd. "Anyone got a concertina? Accordion maybe?" he yelled. He turned to the bar. "Hey, waiter" he called. "have you got Frogs Legs?" "Well hop over here with an alligator sandwich, and make it snappy!". The punkoid was not reknowned for his sparklingly original wit... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Geoff the Duck Date: 09 Dec 04 - 02:27 PM Furry Thongs - is Jimmy the Mad Dentist selling them now? It must be a very accurate crumple to pass out and land in one of those! Do you have to have a colleague hold it out at the correct height? Quack! GtD. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 09 Dec 04 - 01:17 PM "I had frog legs once," he mutters, "but I had a really good orthopedic surgeon who fixed me right up." And he passes out into the furry thong. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Geoff the Duck Date: 09 Dec 04 - 01:05 PM Duck's head appears over the parapet! "Oi Frisbee"! "You may have a plastic head you can skim across the room, but that doesn't entitle you to 'Volunteer' us web-footers for child minding." "I've known Squeakie Minor for long enough to know you don't aproach Limpet without suitable body armour." "By the way - why is Squeakie covered head to foot in chocolate?" "Barkeep - that reminds me - have you a barrel of Young's Chocolate Stout behind the bar. Pour me a good measure and I'll send down the basket! Cheers!" Quack! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 09 Dec 04 - 11:31 AM Yes, I sobered up Amanda. It wasn't easy mind you as her trifle had been over sherried and the last 5 portions had proved too much for her. I won't of course say how I did it as the reindeer involved shall remain nameless. Can't say that I'm overly keen on these frog's legs, terribly difficult to keep them on the plate. Garlic sandwich anyone? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: InOBU Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:51 AM BRILLIANT POSTER !!!! Good youve sobered up Amanda! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Mingulay Date: 09 Dec 04 - 10:36 AM Seem to be missing all the action, had to go and do some intensive Christmas shopping. Still it's all over now and I've even managed to wrap both the presents. Glad I kept those festive sweet wrappers, they did the job a treat. Also managed to get some needle rash ointment for Lynne, not that she's feeling much after all that alcohol and jello. Just been served by a waiter with frogs legs. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Amanda Plain and Tall Date: 09 Dec 04 - 12:02 AM (What dirty night out in Dublin? What did I miss??!?! ;) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Amanda Plain and Tall Date: 09 Dec 04 - 12:01 AM Amanda raises her eyebrows, first indepentantly, then together, and silently points to the new arrival, an honest-to-gosh fully-decked out from ten-gallon-to-spurs shurrif. The man gasps, fall to his knees, and extends THIS . "Scuze.....me....ya'll...*gasp*...has...*gasp*...anybody seen this...this...MONSTER?!??! Suddenly everyone in the room realizes the sherrif is two feet tall. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Thisbe, with her silver salver Date: 08 Dec 04 - 10:55 AM Walking into the room with a large bottle of good red French wine on her salver, Thisbe gazes around in astonishment at the mess in the room. "I have only been away for a few minutes--when that nice DougR came in and bought drinks all around I went to retreive this Nurse Ratched was acting a little funny back there near the wine cellar, and wanted to set up the electro-shock machine. I TOLD her it wouldn't work on me, my head is a polymer resin and there is no frontal lobe to shock. . . The statuesque figure moves through the room offering wine to those who are still upright and who have something resembling a vessel to hold the fine drink. She reaches down to pat the head of the child under the tree, and asks quietly "would you like to help decorate the tree? Most of the ornaments are up on the rafters, and the kitties and ducks can help you, but there is a box of stuff behind the bar also. And while you're at it, the Nissetroll needs to be made comfortable in someplace where she can guard the tree but not be seen by most of the crowd. Up in the rafters, I think. She has a big job ahead of her! Look--there's a harness you can try out. Moonglow can show you how to put it on." Visions of a manic Peter Pan performance drift through the empty chamber of Thisbe's cranium. . . "Mr. Rapaire, may I assist you to your feet? Let's find you a place next to this nice lady in the thong and red fur-lined teddie." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: InOBU Date: 08 Dec 04 - 08:42 AM Limpit wakes to find a room full of happy Mucatters nattering away, but it is VERY quite, reaches up to find earphones taped to her head... Someone is holding up the words to the song that Sorcha Dorcha (with Dick Cheney and the Quakers) is singing... so she wont feel left out... the words, on big cards are all about kittins and candy... those who can hear the words ... know that they are all about a dirty night out in Dublin... Cheers Lorcan |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Roger the Skiffler Date: 08 Dec 04 - 03:51 AM The derelict in the corner stirs, exhuding a miasma of stale brandy and starts to mumble Leadbelly's "On a Christmas Day",rattling his tin cup hopefully... RtS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: GUEST,Elf one Date: 08 Dec 04 - 02:01 AM Its ok for you lot....someones got to WORK around here!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Dec 04 - 08:03 PM Who needs a spoon? Just pass me the bowl.... I'll do it 'natures' way'.... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 07 Dec 04 - 07:20 PM Liz, I tried to mull the chocolate, but it all melted! So I guess you'll just have to dunk this fruit and sponge cake into it if you really want it. Or shall I just hunt you up a spoon? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Dec 04 - 07:15 PM Rap - she already knows the words.. this is the child who fell off a chair at 18months old and said 'Oh Bowwocks'. EPN, is it a good idea to stand with your back to the fire? Remember the last time you ate beans and stood by a nekkid flame..... I'm going to curl up in the big armchair with my sewing, and listen to a few rare tunes from the corner.... pass the mulled wine and the chocolates please! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: el_punkoid_nouveau Date: 07 Dec 04 - 05:13 PM Well - that got the fire going with a bang! Perhaps we'd better get someone to clean up all the jello splatters... Meanwhile, epn will sneak up and warm himself by the fire (at last)... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 07 Dec 04 - 04:40 PM Rapaire! Wash your mouth out with soup! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 07 Dec 04 - 04:28 PM He groggily raises his groggy head and groggily notes the kid with the cat. Groggily he says, "That kid needs to learn naughty words so that she can shock her mother, teachers, neighbors, Regimental Sergeant Majors, and teach them to her friends." And he prepares a list of naughty words: Pus Pimples Abcess Infection Poop Nasty Booger Septicemia Politician Now, he thinks groggily, all the dear little tyke needs to do is to know the secret MOAB code and Mommy Dearest has some explaining to do! And he groggily returns to unconsciousness. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Dec 04 - 02:45 PM Bugger.. I was just about to say that! : ) (It's OK, Limpit is fast asleep under the tree with a kitty in her lap.... she's had a hard day being a pain...) LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Emma B Date: 07 Dec 04 - 02:38 PM Had an attack of Munchies on my way, called at Terry's for tea and some Cad bury'd my keys under the Roses ----ouch the Thorn tons those! So, I left the Ferrero in the garage and walked - still it's only just After Eight plenty of time to join in the Clebrations with the Bounty of Poppetts that you would expect on a Quality street like this! Can't say I'm too keen on the Green and Black decorations but they're better than those in Mar's Bar around the corner - when it comes to the Crunch ie's a bit of a Flake although he seems himself as a real Smartie (just 'cos he's got a bit of a twig covered in cotton wool and Lindt!)but he seems impervious to all the Snickers.... Think i'll treat myself to a single Malt'easer away the cold and, if some one will Rolo ver I'll Nestle down by the fire and Dream m & m mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Dec 04 - 02:27 PM It's Limpit who needs to be watched... remember what she did to Dave Bryant last time they met?! He had trouble explaining THAT scar to the nurses! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 07 Dec 04 - 02:20 PM well - it means we won't be talking anywhere near as much as normal, but for you, we'll do it, Limpit! regarding the cat - only if you sign this waiver realeasing all present from any damages. she may be declawed - but we had to leave her teeth in! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Limpit Date: 07 Dec 04 - 02:05 PM Is there any Sprite in there? Mummy says I can stay up for a bit if you don't say any naughty words. Can I play with the kitty under the tree please? Limpit |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: My guru always said Date: 07 Dec 04 - 11:33 AM Gracefully descending from her perch, the MadCat carefully slinks across to MMario with a hungry look in her eye. Losing her grip on the floor in an occasional splat of Jello she tries the old claw trick for some purchase, but look, no claws!!!! EEEEkkkkkkk!!!! she shrieks as she scrambles frantically for a foothold, all four paws pointing in different directions with only her tail keeping her upright. A passing Catter accidently shoves her sideways, she gathers momentum & heads straight for the Christmas Tree! Oh no, not the Christmas tree again, she thought, closing her eyes & caterwauling at all & sundry! Straight under the braches, hitting her head on the truck, the MadCat is now unconcious & dreaming of Flutterbys..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Rapparee Date: 07 Dec 04 - 10:37 AM Carefully he refolds the lute (it's hinged) and replaces it in his possibles bag. Carefully he arises and carefully slips in the jello spatters and falls on his face. And carefully he has rendered himself unconscious. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MMario Date: 07 Dec 04 - 08:45 AM how is it these things always seem to get out of hand? oh - mudcats. silly question!Anyone have a cracker or a slice of good rye bread? The first filet is ready to slice and consume! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: el_punkoid_nouveau Date: 07 Dec 04 - 08:14 AM el_punkoid stood by the window, looking at the remains of the jello pit, while Oak and Sir jOhn steamed gently. "Do they smoke after sex?" he chortled insanely. Then he spied MBSLynne, her vermine trimmed red coat covered in dripping jello. "You...again..." she snorted... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: chris nightbird childs Date: 07 Dec 04 - 06:53 AM Meanwhile by the bar... "Come on now Sorch! I've already had 4 pints 'o Guinness." "Hey, Nightshirt! Come on in, and join us! This jello really is some fun! Ha ha... it tickles. John, wake up..." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Dec 04 - 06:34 AM That explains what happened to the Christmas pudding I had over there then...... did anyone get hit by a ballistic pudding bowl, showering currants, cherries and bits of holly? It would have smelt strongly of rum....... Pretty good record over the years so far.... 1 pudding burnt for 20 mins, 1 pudding burnt not as long as the cats' arse but smelt better and 1 pudding burnt a hole in the roof on its way into orbit.... Hmmm... maybe I'm using too much gravy browning...... LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: el_punkoid_nouveau Date: 07 Dec 04 - 06:20 AM Hee hee hee! What MBSLynne forgot is that if you add burning things to alcohol, they tend to go... EVERYBODY DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Dec 04 - 06:18 AM Yeeesssssssssssss... Oak...... What, and I ask this with a due sense of caution, nay, trepidation.... what HAVE you been doing with it.... Did you get lacquered? I mean, I've seen many shapes and sizes in my life, I've played with several, but I've never held one that was that shiny.. Is it the rich patina of age and handling, or was it coated for an occasion? It's a beauty though.... Whilst I've got hold of you, Bassic is on his way home with the money I owe you... Sorry it's all in 50p pieces. Thanks for providing such a splendid service, quick, but satisfying. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Oaklet Date: 07 Dec 04 - 04:20 AM I know - but you have to admit that it is shiny. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Dec 04 - 04:09 AM Cluin, on your way out, could you drop by my house, I've got some tinsel that needs buffing...... Here's a thing.. been looking for some new underwear.. found all the girls fluffy red and white stuff,.... all bras and panties and teddies.... couldn't see a single pair of Santa's Boxers... no fur trimmed Yfronts... not even a Rudolph posing pouch.... where is all the naughty underwear for girlies? Come on... we NEED to see willies dressed up as Christmas trees.... Oaklet, that isn't big and it isn't clever. Especially the former. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: MBSLynne Date: 07 Dec 04 - 03:29 AM MBSLynne, now clad in a bright red, fur trimmed dressing gown, helpfully pushes Oaklet into the jello-pit. The jello starts to bubble gently. "Hmmm..." she muses. Looking round, she seizes some cranberries and cinnamon and throws them into the pit, then adds some rather nice home-made elderberry wine. "There we are...that will go nicely with the roasted nuts!!...Mulled jello!!!" Turning round, she shoves Sir jOhn in as well...he could do with loosening up a bit! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Cluin Date: 07 Dec 04 - 01:28 AM Ahem....... Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook, It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Mama in her teddy and I in the nude, We had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my hard-on, and Mama went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of the sled, A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite, And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. "Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee." They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. I was donning my jockies, to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. "That was some brothel," he said with a smile, "The reindeer are pooped, so I'll stay for a while." He walked to the kitchen and poured himself a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And six pair of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several more things I shouldn't even mention. A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil. "This stuff ain't for kids; Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em all here, and then I'll just split." He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked inside his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, So he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, and took reigns of his hitch, Saying, "Take me home, Rudolf... this night's been a bitch!" The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, "The best thing about pussy: you can't wear it out!" *bow* Thenkyew. Muss b' leavinow |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: InOBU Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:40 PM Keep the lute and the hat away from Punknoid.... or it will wind up in the fire with the recorders!!!!!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Amanda Plain and Tall Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:37 PM "Just for you, I'll hold it in..." she smiles at Chris and notices out of the corner of her eye than in all the rumpus, Larry's precious hat has fallen off and the still unconcious Cheney is lying flat on it. "Erm...'scuse me for a second..." she looks around for something sutible for use as a lever. *in a stage whisper* "Um...could someone give me a hand with this before Lor notices?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: DougR Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:33 PM DougR saunters into the Christmas Tavern, expecting only hostility. A hush falls over the room as the Christmas revelers recognize the reviled political conservative who has invaded their midst. He walks boldly to the bar and orders a drink on the house for everybody. After all, it is a time for reflection and celebration, not a time for airing differences. Turning to the crowd, DougR says, "A Merry Christmas to all, and a very Happy New Year besides!." He downs his Guinness and walks into the cold, cold night. DougR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: chris nightbird childs Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:21 PM Nightbird looks upward and smiles "Oh, please don't." as he hears Oaklet bellowing "NIghtshirt! Get me some fookin' water! Put me out!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern too.... From: Amanda Plain and Tall Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:16 PM Amanda applauds, considers singing "Grandma got runover by a raindeer", reconsiders. |
