Writing about people's private lives?

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 11:45 AM

Well as long as no-one is mentioned personally then I think thats fine. I think that when you write a song, or whatever, it's your own way of coping with what has happened to the lassie and her family. OK she may not be a close friend but she has changed you forever and I suppose the song is a way of expressing how you are feeling just now.Then puting yourself into that position. However I think the thing would be for you to ask your friend and see what she thinks of it and wether or not she thought that it would be acceptable for you to sing it to the woman who lost a child. Only thing being that it's such a painful thing for those who have been affected by it. It may lead to a negative response especially if the lassie doesn't know you that well she might feel an intrusion to her grief. But for me being a guy I don't think that I would but then again we think differently from women.
I hope you choose wisely
Dylan

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 09:35 AM

Well if Elton John can do it, why not you?

Actuallly, you should do it BECAUSE Elton John did it. Because I'm sure you won't:

a) be making lots of money out of it despite what he told the press.

b) be singing it just to say, hello, I'm here on TV being emotional in public to show what a great and caring guy I am and I was really her best friend you know.....

c) have made such a syrupy, saccharine-loaded, self pitying load of shite out of it as he did.

If you think it's a little personal, just have a look at some of the other songs doing the rounds... they are just as personal and some as tragic as the one you have. Only the passage of time and familiarity have really made them less painful; but do you remember how you felt the first time you heard something like 'He Fades away' (There's a man in my bed, I used to love him), or 'Rosemary's sister' (Rosemary came out crying but her sister never did)? Those are deeply personal and very tragic songs, but they are still being sung.

Sometimes, turning an event into a song or a poem is the only way it will be remembered, and sometimes, it needs another person to do it.

LTS

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: GUEST,Frankham
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 09:20 AM

So many songs are based on experiences with people we know. As long as the person is not identified unwillingly, no problem.

Frank Hamilton

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 08:58 AM

A "friend of a friend" is maybe getting distant enough so that it's not really about this particular person, but about an imagined person - you heard the story, and you imagined how it would be if it happened to yourself. It could just as well have been something you read in the paper or in a book, so I can't see that privacy issue scome into it.

This is a tragedy that happens in a lot of people's lives. In any audience there is almost bound to be someone who has been touched by it, so you need to be sensitive about it, but that doesn't mean nkt singing it.

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: Gurney
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 06:58 AM

I think I would wait a while and then sing it to the lady first. Then ask if she would mind if you did it in public.

Your sensitivity is well-mannered, in my opinion. You should consider, however, that some people are likely to speculate that YOU are the unfortunate lady, if you can't say "I asked permission..."

I'm out of my depth here, as a bloke, but when I wrote in a similar tragic vein, I never performed it. But then, I am uneasy with any kind of exposure of intensely personal experience. Famous people often aren't....

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: GUEST,Wolfgang
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 06:12 AM

With slighly different words the same message:

Marion, as long as you don't write about people's private lives (as in your title line) but inspired by people's privates lives it is o.k.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: harvey andrews
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 06:02 AM

As long as the main characters are not identified I have no problem with taking a real life issue and making it into a story, after all, that's what fiction writing is all about.

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: alanabit
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 05:52 AM

Interesting question Marion. I think you can say that the song focuses on the issue rather than the personality. In that case, there is nothing intrusive or disrespectful about it. Oddly enough, the title song on my own album described the childhood and early adulthood of a man I know well. I wouldn't dream of identifying him to an audience. It is a plus for me that he likes the song very much. I think what you are doing, is allowing your knowledge of a person's private life to spark off a song about an issue. In the end, most writing is like that. We use what we know as a starting point for the rest and build it up from there. Nothing wrong with using your imagination. It worked for your Barnado Boy song, didn't it?

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 05:36 AM

I totally agree with Jennifer. One of the great strengths of good art is that it's universal, reaching beyond the immediate circumstances that inspired it to communicate and find response in people whom the creator will never meet. Unless the details are so specific that the original person can be identified, I don't see any reason for feeling guilty. The need to "write and sing about what's on your mind" is the very wellspring of song.

So sing it, Marion - for heaven's sake DON'T let it languish in a drawer! You never know what other bereaved parents may take comfort from it.

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: GUEST,jennifer
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 03:27 AM

If I'm listening to a moving song I don't think "how exploitative of the writer". There are things that need to be written about and we can't wait forever for them to happen to people who can write effectively about them themselves. Look at the Ewan MacColl radio ballads for example. I can't answer your question about how you square this with yourself as a writer and maybe I'm in a naive minority, but I generally give writers credit for writing because they care about an issue, and admire and value them for it. Especially something like the birth of a stillborn child which is so isolating and still generally swept under the social carpet.

Subject: RE: Writing about people's private lives?
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 02:48 AM

Post it here.

A lot of Mudcatters live vicariously.

Would it go to the tune of Barnacle Boll the Sailor?

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Subject: Writing about people's private lives?
From: Marion
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 01:08 AM

Hello all. I recently heard about a friend of a friend (I've met the girl a couple of times, but don't know her very well) who just had a stillborn baby. The circumstances of her pregnancy and birth were moving to me, and I was inspired to write a song, from the point of view of the mother singing to the baby.

However, now that I've finished the song, I'm feeling uneasy about the appropriateness of doing so. My uneasiness isn't really a question of privacy - naturally, if I performed or recorded the song I wouldn't give identifying details. But is it maybe a little callous, or exploitative, to hear about someone's private tragedy and get a song out of it?

For what it's worth, I doubt I'd have any guilty feelings if it were happy news... or if I were good friends with the mother... or if it were a long time ago... or if it were a mass tragedy like a plane crash.

So what I want to know is: have any of you had similar misgivings about true-story songs? How do you balance your respect for the people's feelings and privacy with your need to write and sing about what's on your mind?

I suppose the quick and dirty solution would be to just put the song in a drawer for a couple of years...

Marion