Know any autoharpy jokes?

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: LadyJean
Date: 08 Oct 14 - 12:52 AM

I offered a lemonharp on mudcat last spring. It is now in Fredricksburg, I hope enjoying a fuller and happier life.

The friend's son, a blues guitarist, I asked to tune it for me, wound up taking it apart. So it didn't look so great when I gave it to the guy from Fredricksburg. I hope it looks better now.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: GUEST,corgimom
Date: 07 Oct 14 - 11:25 PM

Tuning an autoharp is like wrestling with an octopus. Just when you get one arm pinned another one slips out.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Jun 12 - 04:22 PM

You Otto be ashamed.. that Marx you as high-strung

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: GUEST,Seonaid
Date: 01 Jun 12 - 04:05 PM

Autoharps: Strum-thing for everyone....

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: GUEST,Seonaid
Date: 01 Jun 12 - 03:55 PM

Autoharps: More twang for your buck!

(Our two instruments are named Otto and Harpo, BTW...)

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Jun 12 - 09:40 AM

The joke thread that never dies!

...or maybe *I* have been reincarnated..... *pinching self*.....

naawwww, I'm still here... I guess there can be several Bills with 'D' as last initial. But I never studied banjo diseases at Harvard Medical.

'Banjoma' sounds serious! You suppose that amputating that 5th string might save one?

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: GUEST,BillD2 (Yes, another harpist with the same m
Date: 31 May 12 - 09:13 PM

The autoharp might burn longer, but the long-necked thing dies from its incurable malignant quintifiliated banjoma.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: PHJim
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 07:42 PM

Also no offence meant to Autoharpists nor accordion players. I fit in both of those catagories too.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: PHJim
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 07:40 PM

An Autoharp/accordion duo was asked to play for a New Years' Party at an old folks' home. Glad to have a gig, they said,"Sure." and were a hit with the old hard-of-hearing seniors*. The administrator paid them and said,"That was great guys. Do you think you'll be available next New Years.
"Sure," said the Autoharp player,"Would it be all right if we left our stuff here?"


*No offence to seniors meant. I are one.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: GUEST,Acoustest
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 07:00 PM

Came to this thred VERY late, but,,,
Q: Know the difference between a banjo and an autoharp?
A: An autoharp burns longer!
(and I play both!)

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: DADGBE
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 01:01 AM

Some years ago I taught an autoharp class at the California Bluegrass Association's Father's day teaching camp. Yup, they actually hired me and I only had to pay 'em $500 to let me.

The class was looked down upon by the hot shots and was supposed to be for the blue haired wives of the 'real' musicians. Turned out that there were some fine players in attendance.

To bolster their egos and have fun with our second class status, I handed out home made buttons to the participants each day. They were as follows:

"I have more strings than you do!"
"It's an Autoharp. You got a problem with that?!" and,
"Autoharpers push my buttons!"

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 07:11 PM

*groan* these jokes where you just substitute 'autoharp' for 'banjo' or something else do get wearing.

c'mon... write one that's relevant or give up.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: GUEST,Bardan
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 04:33 AM

Surely it should be obvious why there aren't any autoharp jokes in the long list of *musical instrument* jokes?

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: autoharpbob
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 11:07 AM

One from Mike Fenton this last weekend -

Travelling through the amazon jungle in a canoe, the explorers heard the sound of drumming. They turned to their guide and asked what this meant.

"Drumming good. Tribe happy. No worries. When drums stop, that bad"

Further up river, the drumming suddenly stopped, and the explorers saw their guide cowering in the bottom of the canoe, shivering.

"Drumming stopped. Next come autoharp solo"

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Mr Red
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 06:41 AM

er- make the wire cutters sharp and the hammer flat?




I'll get my coat...........

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: beeliner
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 01:32 AM

Bryan Bowers once told me he could not use an electronic tuner, because he felt that 'perfect' tuning was not right...the whole thing needs to be 'slightly' sharp at the lowed end and flat at the higher end!.

Just how sharp and how flat are we talking here? I'd like to try it.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: GUEST,Brian Daniels
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 02:28 PM

I'm a banjo player so feel not too guilty about this combo banjo auto-harp joke.

Q: What do you call it when you toss a banjo into a dumpster and it hits an autoharp?

A: Perfect pitch

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: autoharpbob
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 06:35 AM

Well I suppose we have to laugh or we start crying.....

Cathy Britell just did a concert at Sore Fingers with DAN CRARY as her accompanist. Obviously he did not feel the autoharp was a completely useless instrument. He did however make a joke, along these lines.

"Seems that there are several concert halls full of cobwebs and skeletons, where they decided to tune the autoharp to the guitar instead of the other way round!"

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: terrier
Date: 07 Jan 10 - 06:32 PM

This thread has just sent me off to find zither playing on YouTube. This guy can sit on my porch anytime. Now I want a Zither!!
Anton Karas

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: DonMeixner
Date: 07 Jan 10 - 12:56 PM

Q: How do get and Autoharp player off your porch?
A: Pay him for the Pizza.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 07 Jan 10 - 12:15 PM

It was invented to be an IUD for Catherine The Great !!!

Art

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Jan 10 - 12:59 PM

Yeah, but the autoharp doesn't leak oil.............Makes the joke on both things.


Spaw

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: PHJim
Date: 06 Jan 10 - 12:54 PM

Sorry if this has already been posted.

Q - What's the difference between a Harley and an Autoharp?
A - You can tune a Harley.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 11:02 PM

Substitution here: It takes a village to tune an autoharp.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: PHJim
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 02:08 PM

Bryan Bowers tells a story about a woman who misheard and thought he played "auto parts".

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 01:17 PM

..and by the time you get to #14, 1-6 are out of tune again.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 11:55 AM

Once--true story--I was coerced into tuning 14 autoharps in one afternoon. It waas NOT funny.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: autoharper
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 06:08 PM

Did you here the one about the autoharp player who was so out-of-tune the other autoharp players noticed?

-Adam Miller

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: GUEST,Harttman
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 06:00 PM

what's the difference between an autoharp and a lawnmower?

If you borrow your neighbor's lawnmower for a month they ask to have it back.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 08:21 PM

Yay, thanks folks thats a great start.

Cheers,

Andrez

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: banjoman
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 11:13 AM

Whats the difference between Autoharp players and a pot of natural yoghurt??

Natural yoghurt has a living culture

Pete

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: GUEST,Mr Red
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 08:34 AM

Now try and convert this one to Autoharp -

How Many Melodeon (Button Accordian in Creole) Players does it take to change a light bulb? Depends if you are pushing or pulling

Autoharp players/light bulb ? Converted from Guitar (et al) and the answer would be depends on the chord

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Jack Campin
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 06:53 AM

It's always nice to know lady autoharpists since they always need felt before they can start playing.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Andrez
Date: 01 Dec 08 - 05:10 AM

Its only a paltry 8 years since this thread was last accessed, but I have a urgent need to find at least a good half dozen ready made Autoharp jokes to coincide with the birthday of a friend who is an Autoharp afficionado coming up tomorrow. Just at the moment I havent the time to do the standard conversions of other jokes as detailed by Laura above. Thats because

I only found out about the birthday about an hour ago as I was looking at an email and a link he sent to my wife on the theme of banjo's and obviously banjo players. I'll past that in at the end of this post as well as the link to show you how this started.

Since Graeme's birthday is tomorrow I would really like to repay him in kind. Oh come to think of it, pictures, poems or anything else humorous that is derogatory of Autoharps and Autoharp players would be equally appreciated.

Cheers,

Andrez


PS: I should point out that the person I got excited about meeting and showing my own 1928 Vega banjo was the one and only Greg Deering so forgive me....... I was not worthy, I was not worthy....:-)
--------------------------------------------

Dear lesley,

You have been sent this article link by graeme courtesy of
www.brisbanetimes.com.au.

Personal Message: Proof that banjo players not only make us suffer for
their art, but go to extremes themselves! This article is also notable
in that the banjo in question is made by the bloke Andrez was excited
about meeting up at Guildford.

Banjo maestro plays during brain surgery

Arjun Ramachandran

October 16, 2008 - 8:27AM

To view the entire article, click on:

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/articles/2008/10/16/1223750187049.html

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 12:56 AM

That's the way it is with all these people making dumb banjo player jokes, too. Ya jist ain't smart enuff to unnerstan us--is they, Banjer?

--seed

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Laura
Date: 30 Nov 99 - 12:04 AM

As the autoharp is a truely useless instrument, it is unlikely that specific jokes can be found about it. Therefore, the autoharpist will need to learn to adapt (and read). Any joke pertaining to an accordian will be easily adaptable to the autoharp. Just simply substitute the words "Autoharp" and "Accordian". Likewise, any jokes pertaining to the intelligence level of a particular type of musician (usually drummers, bassists and banjo players) will suffice by substituting the appropriate instrument in the appropriate spot. Other possiblities would be anything that relates to a particular instrument being out of tune (banjo, fiddle, mandolin work well here) would work.

When the autoharpist asks the audience for requests to play and they reply "From afar", etc...

No flames please- I make fun of autoharps only because my sis can play one and I can't get it figured out.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 06:12 PM

Hey, good riff, ER, Soph, and Rick...the kind of improvisation it's hard to do on an autoharp (and has seemed to be hard to do ABOUT an autoharp. And Sophocleese, I thought it was bodice pins that caused blindness.

--seed

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 05:53 PM

And unemployment.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: sophocleese
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 04:15 PM

No, just deafness.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Easy Rider
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 02:49 PM

"Sounds like some kind of bizarro, self-gratification device that gets shipped to you in a plain, brown, wrapper."

Does playing the Autoharp cause blindness?

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 02:07 PM

I love the sound of Sally's custom made diatonic autoharps* (one for C/G/Am, the other for D/A/Bm) and she plays them beautifully, but I rag her occasionally about her harps' inability to play any circle of fifths progressions beyond I-II-V-I** and the fact that she has no dominant 7th chords on either of them, along with her shallow grasp of music theory and her stubborn refusal to try to rectify it (for Christmas a few years ago I gave her David Harp's clear, concise, very useful book and tape on music theory--she fell asleep one night reading it and never picked it up again). She also can--when she practices a bit--play a very nice clawhammer banjo (she owns a beautiful Bart Reiter Whyte Laydie which just hangs on her wall).

*Diatonic autoharps have some doubled strings for a richer sound; consequently, they also are missing three of the accidentals: The C/G harp has the C scale plus F# and C#, the middle octave B, C, D, E, F, and G strings are doubled (I think that's thw way they are set up).

--seed **actually, in thinking about it, I realized that on her harps she could do a I-VI-II-V-I run, used in such as "Salty Dog" on either: On the C/G, she'd play in F: F-D-G-C-F, and on the A/D, in G: G-E-A-D-G. Of course the circle of fifths runs sound better as I-VI7-II7-V7-I, and she has no sevenths, and she couldn't play patterns which also required the IV chord...

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Frank of Toledo
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 12:40 PM

Don't have any autoharp jokes, but Bryan will be in Toledo Oregon Friday December 10th for two concerts, a children's show in the afternoon and an evening concert at our Methodist Church. I'll see if he has any good autoharp puns. And Merritt Herring from Portland will be opening for Bryan...........

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 12:23 PM

Rick...*grin*..yep...I cut some chord bars once, and it can be VERY tedious, but now, at least you have 'em...

(BTW, I have often thought: why doesn't Bryan simply tune his harps the way he wants them, THEN use a Korg to index them and note what setting he needs..+ or - 'x' amount, then he can re-tune ti that!.)

I was at a 'harp workshop at Winfield years ago, and he actually had 20-30 harp players spend 45 minutes just TUNING!.

and seed...my REAL autoharp joke is doing the song called "The Key of 'R'"..in which one is called on to play in minor, 7th, diminished...and finishing with a suspended ^9th. Of course, the silly fumbling for non-existant chords IS the point!

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Bert
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 12:04 PM

--seed, does that mean that YOU have enough fingers that you can play an autoharp without bars?

I think that Abby Sales story on the origin of the autoharp is pure fiction. I thought everyone knew that they were first created from all the strings left over when they first made bodhrans by cutting the strings off of banjos.

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 02:56 AM

Night Owl, I think there are so few autoharp jokes because folkies are sensitive souls and don't want to pick on the handicapped--people who have to push buttons to make chords--or maybe it's because they don't think it's polite to make jokes about people when they're not around, and harpies have to leave the room to tune between songs. I'm tryin', but I don't think I'm makin' anybody laugh...

--seed

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 01:03 AM

Oh, and Bill, one more thing ('cause you've seen mine) I got a call from songwriter Willie P. Bennett, to play on his new album. He said on the phone "I hear you can play weird chords", sure, I said, not knowing what he had in mind. Well I ended up making minor 6th bars and diminished 7ths and even a major 7th bar. Took me hours. Played the session. They buried me so far back in the mix it sounded like some faint honky tonk piano way off in the distance. Fooey! All for a hundred bucks!
Rick

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 29 Nov 99 - 12:57 AM

Bill, when I first read that Bryan was dead against electronic tuners, I thought "good for you, but I'm too lazy. Besides I'd been tuning the damn thing by ear for 10 years and I felt I'd paid my dues". A few years later I played with him at a festival and watched him verrrry carefully tune 3 harps (consequently missing his dinner, and the pre-concert musicians bullshit sessions). Recently a friend saw him at a folk club and told me that he was carrying 7 harps! It's a wonder that boy don't die of starvation! Everytime I use my "Frankenharp" I say a little thanks to the Korg people.
Sorry I didn't drop in here earlier, but I thought it would just be re-cycled banjo and accordion jokes....cause the "chorded zither" is serious business!
Rick

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: Night Owl
Date: 28 Nov 99 - 11:25 PM

Could it be, Mr. Seed, .... the Autoharp is such a valued instrument by musicians that there really are No Autoharp jokes except those we make up ourselves???? ;o)

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 28 Nov 99 - 11:07 PM

C'mon, folks--I told Sally about this thread today: I'd like to have a few more, humor having healing properties. By the way, she's doing a lot better: she's able to move her limbs a bit.

Now I'm off to the Starry Plough to hear the Dave Swan trio sing...I'll tell you about it later.

--seed

Subject: RE: Know any autoharpy jokes?
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 28 Nov 99 - 12:03 AM

Anonymous, you seem a decent sort. Use your name--or some name--or you might be confused with one of the local diseases. Sally is an autoharp player with whom I regularly make music. She is currently in intensive care being treated for something which--while the virus hasn't been isolated--is acting very much like West Nile encephalitis, which has been found to be endemic among certain species of birds. I started this thread to get some autoharp jokes for Sally, and I created that awful pun when I was emailing the members of the group--who have been pulling for Sally for the past couple of weeks. One of our players is the most unregenerate punster this side of Art Thieme (a Mudcat member).

It is the nature of the human animal--at least of many of us--that we often deal with the stress of desperate situations with humor, hence the phrase "comic relief."

--seed