BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: Burke
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 04:03 PM

Reagan was elected in 1980.

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 03:58 PM

Oh, I can tell a Canadian accent a hundred paces off, even without them saying "house" or "sorry" or "about". BTW I listen to British rock almost exclusively.

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: mousethief
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 03:48 PM

Yeah, we got no culture. That's why everybody else watches our movies and tv shows, and listens to our rock stars.

Hmmm. Now that you mention it, .....

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: Bernard
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 03:44 PM

Oh! Whilst I'm here...

I heard that Gore and Bush were trying to avoid being elected this year, because every US president elected in a year ending in zero was either assassinated, or died in office...

Is that statistic correct, does anyone know?

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: Bernard
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 03:41 PM

Difference between America and Blue Cheese?

Blue Cheese has developed a culture...

;->

Good job we can keep a sense of humour despite the silliness of the politicians! Don't you just hate a poor loser?!!

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: sledge
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 03:36 PM

Wavestar, How often did you plan to post your elegant response, maybe you could appeal to the Courts in Florida for a recount.

:)

Meant in jest, Honest.

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: Wavestar
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:35 PM

Right. I give up.

-J

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: Wavestar
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:33 PM

AHH argh. Let's try that again. I got interrupted.

A comeback to the "Notice of Revocation of Independence" e-mail. Reintegration: The US Responds To the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, we welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum! However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world. To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:

1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman). However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor.

2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.

3. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front.

4. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.

5. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident.

6. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of Satan they'll teach you how to cook.

7. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies.

8. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".

Thank you for you time. You can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.

____________

Okay, so it's not entirely polite. And I don't agree with all of it. But after receiving the 'revocation' five times in one day from different directions, I found this pretty funny.

I should point out that while I can distinguish English and Australian accents, I often can't manage Canadian / American, unless they say aboot. Also that while there are lots of fabulous restaurants in Scotland, i have yet to find decent Chinese food.

-Wavestar

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: mousethief
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:32 PM

I did not write it, alas. I don't know who did; I got it from a friend but it was unsigned. I'd say go ahead and use it.

It's no less rude than the post it's referring to, methinks.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: Wavestar
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:31 PM

AHH argh. Let's try that again. I got interrupted.

A comeback to the "Notice of Revocation of Independence" e-mail. Reintegration: The US Responds To the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, we welcome your concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum! However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a "backwards step" by the majority of the world. To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:

1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman). However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Charles Minor.

2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.

3. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good work on that front.

4. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that Rule Brittania ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.

5. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in: United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the tournament without having your fans start an international incident.

6. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n' Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick. Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of Satan they'll teach you how to cook.

7. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies.

8. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".

Thank you for you time. You can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.

____________

Okay, so it's not entirely polite. And I don't agree with all of it. But after receiving the 'revocation' five times in one day from different directions, I found this pretty funny.

I should point out that while I can distinguish English and Australian accents, I often can't manage Canadian / American, unless they say aboot. Also that while there are lots of fabulous restaurants in Scotland, i have yet to find decent Chinese food.

-Wavestar

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: Naemanson
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:29 PM

Did you write that? Can I copy and forward it outside of Mudcat?

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: Gary T
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:22 PM

It may be rude, but I love it! Good post, mousethief.

Subject: Ha!
From: Clinton Hammond2
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:22 PM

King Clinton eh? I kinda like the sound of that...

Huh?

Oh THAT Clinton?!?!

dang...

;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: mousethief
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:20 PM

Sensible isn't funny though.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: Wavestar
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:17 PM

I did get sent a response to the 'Revocation' that was a good deal more sensible and less rude:

> > A comeback to the "Notice of Revocation of Independence" e-mail. > > (Oo-er...) > > > > > Reintegration: The US Responds > > > > > > To the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, we welcome > > > your > > > concern about our electoral process. It must be exciting for you to see > > a > > > real Republic in action, even if from a distance. As always we're amused > > > by your quaint belief that you're actually a world power. The sun never > > > sets on the British Empire! Right-o chum! However, we regretfully have > > to > > > decline your offer > > > for intervention. On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try > > > to enforce your new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have > > > forgotten > > > that you have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we > > have > > > decided to continue our tradition as the longest running democratic > > > republic. It seems that switching to a monarchy is in fact considered a > > > "backwards step" by the majority of the world. To help you rise from > > your > > > current anachronistic status, we have compiled a series of helpful > > > suggestions that we hope you adopt: > > > > > > 1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't > > > always > > > correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" > > > example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "aluminum" > > > note spelling) for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved > > > into > > > "aluminium" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 > > the > > > United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and > > > pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum > > > industry. We'd also like to point out that the process of actually > > > producing

Subject: RE: BS: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 02:10 PM

Mousethief,
That is just plain rude. The reason we are not accepting the revocation of independence offer is that the majority of Americans are disgusted with "politics as usual" and are planning a new Revolution. Long Live King Clinton!
SIGH!

Subject: Rejection of Revocation of Independence
From: mousethief
Date: 28 Nov 00 - 01:48 PM

To: The Governing Bodies of the United Kingdom
Subject: A Response to the Notice of Revocation

Your notice came as quite a shock to the vast majority of us who did not realize that the United Kingdom was still in existence. The complete lack of any usable culture, products, services, entertainment, or medical advancement coming from Britain was at fault, and we apologize. After a tiresome day spent tracking our enormous wealth and power, it was a bizarre notice indeed.

Your "suggestion" has been considered and I am very sorry to say, denied.

As a concession, however, it was universally agreed that you may have Utah.

Our reasoning is outlined below.

1) While we have been unable to decide who will lead our country for a few weeks, it seems that the UK has been in that state for many years. It was unclear to us why we would need two leaders permanently in the forms of the Prime Minister and the Queen. Also, we had a problem with Tony Blair personally, as he is so overtly stupid.

2) A bit of research indicated that you are having difficulty keeping your fuel prices below £17 per ounce and your taxes below 95% (What is this "VAT" anyway?), while still maintaining an expensive monarchy. This type of fiscal prudence would not mix well with our aforementioned enormous wealth and power.

3) Reverting to the English style of speaking would simply be too inefficient. In fact, we are considering teaching an entirely new language to our youth comprised entirely of grunts and hand gestures. Communication is quicker, more efficient, and allows us to continue to lead the planet in accumulating power and wealth. Plus, we don't sound like pompous asses.

4) We accept provision 7, the bombing of Quebec and France, as long as you'll sweep up.

5) Hollywood actually attempted to cast British actors in heroic roles in the late 80's, but gave up when they could find none that were more masculine then Liberace.

6) In reviewing your form of football it became clear that soccer is not a sport, but rather a simple form of cardiovascular exercise. Additionally, when the "games" are completed, the tradition of trying to kill as many opposing fans as possible was deemed unacceptable. On the rare occasion that one of the 300 league teams involved actually scores a goal, the closing of banks and government offices in order to allow more time to discuss the goal was also considered somewhat inefficient. American football will continue to be played with vigor. The reason for the padding, by the way, is the ability of our athletes to run fast, jump high, and hit hard. You don't need padding for a girly slap fight.

In closing, may we just say we were flattered by your overtures, but simply do not see a merger being possible at this time. Perhaps with a little hard work, you can pull yourselves up by your bootstraps, and someday be considered to be in the same league as, say, Micronesia.