BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010

Subject: RE: BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 06:03 PM

A rabbi was walking down the street when he noticed one of his congregants on the other side of the street entering a Chinese restaurant.

The rabbi crossed the street to peer in the window of the restaurant to see what his congregant was doing in the trayf (non-kosher) restaurant.

The congregant ordered some spare ribs and some fried shrimp. The rabbi continued to watch.

Soon, the waiter brought the spare ribs and shrimp. The congregant was eagerly devouring it with a hearty appetite when the shocked rabbi, unable to contain himself, burst into the restaurant to confront his congregant.

"Stop!" the rabbi shouted. "How could you do this? How could you eat this food? It's ribs and shrimp. It's trayf!"

"Hold on," said the congregant. "Rabbi, did you see me walk into this restaurant?"


"Yes, I did," replied the rabbi.

"Did you see me sit down at this table?"

"Yes, I did," the rabbi again testified.

"Did you see me order?"

"I most certainly did," the rabbi attested.


"Did you see the waiter bring this food to my table?" the congregant asked. "Yes, I did," the rabbi again affirmed.


"Did you actually see me eating the ribs and the shrimp?" asked the congregant. "Yes, I did. I watched you the entire time!" exclaimed the rabbi.


"Well, then," the congregant said calmly, "what's the problem? It was all done under rabbinical supervision!"

Subject: RE: BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010
From: Young Buchan
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 04:24 PM

lol

Puts me in mind of the verse from the song:

Jimmy had to tell a lass her husband had been killed.
"Break it gentle. Don't just blurt it out", we said.
So he went round to the house and when the lass came to the door
He said, "I bet you'll never guess who's dead."

Subject: RE: BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 12:33 PM

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?'

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishman you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.'

'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife..
'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.

Subject: RE: BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 12:29 PM

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, And every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
    The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'
    Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, But you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

Subject: BS: 1st Joke Thread of 2010
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 01 Jan 10 - 12:05 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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To kick off the First Joke Thread of 2010, we have the following:



"The Giant"

One day a planet was discovered out Antares way
whose sole inhabitant was an enormous humanoid,
three miles high. At first it was mistaken for an
immense statue left by some vanished race of giants,
for it sat motionless on a yellow plain, exhibiting no
outward sign of life. It had legs, but it never rose to
walk on them. It had a mouth, but never ate or spoke.
It had what appeared to be a perfectly functional brain,
the size of a condominium, but the organ lay dormant,
electrochemical activity at a standstill. Yet it lived.

This puzzled the scientists, who tried everything they
can think of to get some sign of life from the behemoth --
in vain. It just sat, motionless and seemingly thoughtless,
until one day a xenobiologist, frustrated beyond endurance,
screamed, "How could evolution give legs, mouth, and brain
to a creature that doesn't use them?"

It happened that he was the first one to ask a direct
question in the thing's presence. It rose with a thunderous
rumble to its full height, scattering the clouds, thought for a
second, boomed "IT COULDN'T", and squatted down again.

"My God," exclaimed the xenobiologist, "of course! It only
stands to reason!"