BS: Should a lady make the first move?

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Rasener
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:47 PM

Life's too short, get on with it and enjoy it. If it doesn't work out, then nothing lost. You are not 18 anymore. You do not have to answer to anybody. you will probably regret it if you don't give it a go.

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:40 PM

I've always liked, and sometimes used, the icebreaker spoken by the character that Liza Minelli portrayed in Sterile Cuckoo...

"So howsabout hittin' the old sackeroo?"

Saves a ton of time

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Lox
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:31 PM

oh yeah

and you can take it as slow or as fast as you like. Just remember, this ain't the movies. You're dealing with a person ... and so are they (if they have anything about them)

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Lox
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:26 PM

What do you want? (be honest with yourself - then him)

What does he want? (ask him)

Go ahead, make the first move.

A relationship built on an honest open conversation is hardly going to do worse than any other.

Yeah - Dinner - Forget the show - it will only give you other things to talk about and another opportunity might be missed.

"Crossing the threshold" in terms of saying things that you feel embarrassed about saying to somebody you like because you irrationally feel they might feel badly about you even though it is obvious that they are aware of the intimacy going on as you are ... (pant pant) ... really isn't that big a deal when you let it happen.

It's not about building up to a big event, it's about enjoying a moment and being honest about it. If you are feeling warm and fuzzy and you want the moment to carry on, you may say so.

Red wine helps ... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Bert
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:26 PM

Perhaps you've been giving off negative signs. Try flirting a bit more.

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: MMario
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:10 PM

or he could just be thick and needs to be whacked upside the head with a two-by-four to notice.

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 03:07 PM

Perhaps it is significant...but I can't guess why, except to suggest that IF you both decide to try more intimacy, be honest about your 'limits' and desires. It is not necessary to go into detail in the 1st 10 minutes, but people can be VERY different.

...and, there is always the off-chance he, as a man in his late 50s, has some 'problem' that worries him. Everyone has some fear of not being 'satisfactory'....and some have real concerns. Or, it may be that he simply is not wanting to be 'possessed' ...has he BEEN married? Did he have a bad experience? It may take more talk to work out why he in not more foreward. As you say of yourself...HE may be afraid of seeming too forward. Humans are pretty complex.

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:50 PM

The home cooked dinner invitation sounds good, perhaps after an enjoyable concert. BillD, could you elaborate a little bit more on what you just said? Not sure I understand what you mean? Perhaps it is significant that he has not made a move.

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:49 PM

Que sera sera, Guest, if it doesn't happen naturally, then maybe it's best to leave it!
Giok

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:46 PM

Ummm...do remember that by the 50s, most people have become pretty set in their ways about what they want included in a more intimate relationship. It pays to 'clear the air' carefully and gently.

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: ClaireBear
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:43 PM

If you were to invite him to a home-prepared dinner and, say, a DVD (or some music you'd like him to hear, or a board game, or whatever), then he would already be in your flat and you wouldn't have that awkward moment of inviting him in "for a coffee". Then, watch for signals. With privacy, he may develop enough courage to make a move without your having to appear "loose" by explicitly inviting him in for "you know".

If that seems too forward, you might prevail on another couple to come to dinner as well, but privately arrange with them to leave earlier in the evening so that you will have him to yourself for a while. Then proceed as above...

Good luck, whatever you choose to do!

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:37 PM

Half of them do. So, what's the question?

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Bernard
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:36 PM

Yes, definitely. Do it with subtlety, but do it! Time's ticking away, and a gentleman will know how to deflect an unwanted advance without being cruel.

He may well be wondering the same thing... you've nothing to lose.

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: jacqui.c
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:34 PM

How about inviting him round for a meal one night, rather than going out?

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Scoville
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:34 PM

I don't see why not, but wondering about what he might think if you ask makes me think you might want to get him to talk about it a little more before you actually do it. (Of course, my relationships race along like glaciers, so who am I to say?)

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Ebbie
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:33 PM

Interesting subject; I'll be watching for replies.

My own notion is that if you like each other - and you KNOW that you both do - there is absolutely no reason for you not to make the first move to another level. There is no way he could consider you a 'loose' woman for doing so- hey, you've been waiting and observing, right? - but if he did, he is not a guy you want in your life anyway.

It is always a possibility that he has physical limitations that govern his actions, so you could make it clear that increased intimacy is what you are after, whether that is physical or only emotional.

Subject: RE: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:32 PM

well...seems to me a low key remark would be in order
"you know, we seem to be on a plateau, wondering whether to move up to another level. I'm interested...how about you?" ...phrased in your own style, of course.
   Having someone show an interest in intimacy 'ought' to be at least flattering, and could at least clear the air about any confusions. A few kisses sound like a good start.

Subject: BS: Should a lady make the first move?
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 02:23 PM

Here's the scenario. I am in my early 50's, he's in his late 50's. We corresponded on line for a while, and have gone out several times to concerts and once to a festival. Most of the time we are with other people but a few times we have been on a "date". He has kissed me a few times, but has always been very respectful. Although he is outgoing, I think when it comes to romance he is shy. When he drops me off at my flat, I feel like he would like to come in and...well, you know...but I'm too shy to invite him and he's too shy to ask. We do laugh and joke and sometimes share suggestive "double entendres" but that's as far as it goes. Should I take a deep breath and work up my courage to make the first move?? How? I have been divorced for a couple of years and havent' dated much. I feel like such a novice. I don't know if it is okay for a woman to make the first move. I would be so embarassed if he rejected my overture. And will he think I am a loose woman? Help!