BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: MMario
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 03:42 PM

to produce heirs and introduce new genetic material of the original and pure human race into the camouflaged alien bloodline of Wellington-Jones! Miss Rutledge is, of course, unaware that she is being used in this fashion.

Is she that oblivious - or is he that bad a lover?

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 03:32 PM

You mean like when ol' Geraldo chased a pimp through the streets of Akron, Ohio?

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 11:14 PM

Yes it is an arresting name isn't it? And "Hector"! The word "hector" means to intimidate or dominate in a blustering way, to behave like a bully; to swagger.

Combine that with the surname Ballsworthy, and it really suggests a lot. Apparently he looks a fair bit like the young Geraldo Rivera, back in his more outrageous days.

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 11:13 PM

I had prattlings once at a truckstop restaurant in Indiana. Found them to be a bit too chewy for my liking.

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: Peace
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 11:05 PM

"Simply ignore his prattlings, my dear."

With a name like Ballsworthy, that is almost impossible to do, Nigel.

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: GUEST,Major Nigel West, CGC (Ret.)
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 11:03 PM

Miss Veronica,

I do not think that Mr. Ballswocky would have lived long enough for a beheading. The first gentleperson he offended with his tongue or pen would have put a blade or bullet through him on a greensward at dawn, assuming of course that they would bother with a person who is obviously deficent in both intelligence and decent upbringing. Simply ignore his prattlings, my dear.

NW

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 10:47 PM

She'll be 18 in April this year, Shiney, but if'n I was you I wouldn't get mah hopes up. You're jest gonna git yer pore heart broke agin', old hoss. These here Rutledge girls don't marry outside of their class. I figger you've got about as much chance of meetin' her as you do of meetin' the Pope.

Well, no...even less chance than thet. A heap less.

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: GUEST,Shiney Knause
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 10:31 PM

Howdy t' all ya'll Mudcattin' fellers an' gals. My name iz Shiney Knause. I yam th' brother obv Sheeney Knause. Me an' Sheeney useta be whatchacall "conjoined twins". Tha's sorta like 'em Siamese twins only in me an' Sheeney's case my nose wuz conjoined t' Sheeney's butt crack. They's a long ol' story thet I cud go inta 'bout all me an' Sheeney's triles an' tribblayshuns, but I alreddy did thet on annuther obv these message freds an' if'n ya really wanna hear 'bout it, go find thet fred an' read it. I ain't got time t' fool wif it rite now.   

Ennyhow, me an' Sheeney finely got us a op'ration so we'd be free obv each uther 'cause we really don't like each uther thet much. Soon as we got sep'rated Sheeney went off an' joined some sorta hoodoo-guru cult thang an' I went lookin' fer a wife. I come here oncet an' wuz struck by thet gal ya'll call Rusty Rebel. I ast her t' marry me but she went an' turned me down. Well, thet wuz 'bout a year ago an' I'm over bein' jilted by thet hussy.

I come back here today obver on annuther one obv these freds an' I seen thet Veronica Rutledge gal. My, but she iz one fine young thang toolin' 'roun' th' country in thet zebra-striped Porsche wif th' top down. Amis says she's old enuff t' court buy I ain't so shure. She only looks t' be 'bout sixteen t' me an' I don' wanna be visitin' no jailhouse, er "gaolhouse" I gess thay calls it where Veronica lives.

Ennybuddy know fer shure wether thet gal's jailbait er not? If she ain't, I wud shore like t' meet her in person.

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:46 PM

(sigh)

Bollocksworthy, are you back again? Didn't take my advice and get a good psychiatrist to straighten things out for you? Didn't take that long vacation on the coast that you need so badly and just mellow out for a bit? Still seeing the little green men and melting walls? Lizard-men stalking your flat?

I feel for you, old chap, I really do. Be advised that if you set one foot on our property, any part of our property, I will restore clarity to your addled mind by putting my fist in your silly face and adjusting your smile and your mustache.

Don't try scaling the walls at night either, unless you wish to make friends with Arthur, Lancelot, and Reginald, our Dobermans. They don't know you, so I can't promise they'll be nice, but I can promise they won't ignore you.

- WW-J

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 09:04 PM

Basra, Major West? Ha! He wouldn't dare go near Basra. Hector Ballsworthy is an arrant coward. He's a ridiculous man who dresses in cheap polyester suits and sports a ludicrous mustache meant to look like the young Geraldo Rivera. He fancies himself as a crusading journalist, but he's just a cheap scandal-monger. He is phonier than margarine and more slippery than a pickled herring. He is a laughing-stock who lives out a vampire-like existence preying on people who actually have a life, which he most certainly does not! He has pestered Aunt Penelope and Uncle Winston for years with this sensationalist blather. If only we were living in an earlier and far more honourable age, I feel sure he would have been beheaded by now, and no loss either.

TTFN!

- Veronica

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: GUEST,Major Nigel West, CGC
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:52 PM

As we said in the Service, Ballsy: Balls!

You are obviously seeking for what is not to be found and creating "news" that is, to be kind, imaginative in the extreme. I will be the first to say that Wellington-Jones has his unique character, but to impute to him an alieness is pure fantasy.

Perhaps your time would be better served in covering the local boys serving in Basra? Or aren't you "independent" enough to actually cover news?

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, Independent Press
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:44 PM

The *** Independent Press *** always stands ready, gentlemen, to leap into the breach when others would shrink back, but it is also incumbent upon each and every one of our readers to face down the forces of global domination in your own streets and boardrooms and your own local and national halls of power. We can but sound the clarion call to action!

LOOK for the lizard-like coldness in their eyes!

NOTE the complete lack of warmth and loving emotion!

DON'T BE FOOLED by their pretensions of moral and social responsibility!

These are world-devouring creatures who want nothing less than global domination and millions of helpless slaves to do their bidding.

Regarding this Shiney Knause, I will consult my voluminous files and see if he can fit usefully into the situation. If so, we shall follow up on your suggestion.

The usual men in black suits have been following our investigative journalists around and attempting to intimidate this publication, but we shall not be silenced!

I am Hector Ballsworthy and this is the *** Independent Press ***!

"THE TRUTH WILL OUT"

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:32 PM

Balls,

I have it on good authority that a highly qualified American gentleman is strongly interested in liberating the young Miss Veronica from her fateful predicament, restoring her good name and honor, and snatching her from the jaws of at least one sort of doom.

His name is Shiney Knause, and it might behoove you, if you are concerned about the fate of the fair young Miss Rutledge, to seek him out -- I believe Little Hawk knows how to contact him -- and establish a plan of action befitting men of high chivalry and action.

Best regards,

A

Subject: RE: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: Peace
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:24 PM

Good on ya, Balls.

Subject: BS: Tremors in Twillingsgate?
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 08:17 PM

Those familiar with my by now famous writings in the *** Independent Press ***, the one publication in all of England which dares to print the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, will no doubt recall these prophetic lines which appeared under my column in the Dec/04 issue of the Independent Press:

"It is already beyond dispute that the Wellington-Jones's are deeply implicated in the alien bloodlines that are interwoven throughout the British peerage and the aristocratic bloodlines of Europe and beyond. To put it frankly, the man's not human! Or he is only marginally human, to be more exact about it. My groundbreaking journalism has already placed Winston Wellington-Jones in Satanic blood rituals of human sacrifice that take place on symbolic dates such as Mayday, Hallowe'en, and so on. These rites go back to a (wordlwide)power structure that predates ancient Babylon.

It is my impression that Miss Penelope Rutledge has been groomed from childhood, unbeknownst to her, to become the sacrifical bride of this monster, Wellington-Jones, with but one purpose: to produce heirs and introduce new genetic material of the original and pure human race into the camouflaged alien bloodline of Wellington-Jones! Miss Rutledge is, of course, unaware that she is being used in this fashion."

Well, the cracks are beginning to appear in the edifice of well-concealed depravity that is Rutledge House! Yes, this rambling and ancient estate ensconced in the seemingly quaint setting of Twillingsgate in the Cotswolds is serving as the site of a growing horror that would reduce its placid neighbours to babbling hysteria, were the entire Truth known!!!!

What is the real nature of Winston Wellington-Jones? For a glimpse into the psyche of this inhuman beast cloaked in a merely skin deep biological disuise which is sustained only at the cost of the extracted vital energies of God knows how many innocent victims, read this excerpt from a post earlier today on this very forum by his notorious niece, the naive and misguided Veronica Rutledge:

"Does anyone remember the parrot? Uncle Winston had made it the mascot over at the Vicar's Inn, where it entertained the gents in the pub nightly by swearing in the most dreadful and vituperous manner. As time went by this caused a certain deterioration in the atmosphere at the Inn, such that the more polite clientele abandoned the place and it became more and more a haunt of dissolute gentlemen of obvious means but very little character. Uncle Winston seems to be amused by such types, many of whom go on his hunting expeditions. One of them even got shot last week, but he survived. I think it was an accident.

Well, back to the bird...they had taken to giving the parrot strong liquor! This would cause him to become more raucous than ever, and to rave on madly, flapping his wings and breaking into the most filthy bawdy songs which these wretches had schooled him in. Aunt Penelople swore off going to the Inn because of this, saying it was a disgrace.

The upshot of the matter was that the poor bird apparently drank itself to death. One night in an alcoholic frenzy it had consumed several shot glasses of scotch whisky and was swaying back and forth on its perch, belting out one verse after another of "Barnacle Bill the Sailor", possibly the most obscene song in history. Suddenly the parrot stopped in mid-verse, made a strange sound, and fell off its perch! This was met by a roar of laughter from the audience, most of whom were as drunk as the bird, but their laughter soon turned to alarm when the parrot showed no signs of life. They rushed it over to the bar and attempted to revive it by fanning it. "Get back!" yelled Uncle Winston. "Give him air!" Then Bertie Matchless ran up with a shot glass of 150-year-old whisky, the best in the house, and said, "Try this! He'll come back from the dead for a shot of William Wallace '1855'.

It almost worked. They poured a teaspoon of the William Wallace, held it in front of the bird's beak and prayed silently....

The bird opened one eye blearily, fixed its reddened and failing gaze upon the William Wallace, and downed it in one last spasmodic effort, then shuddered and expired!

Uncle Winston says that at least he died happily.

Happily!!! He says the parrot died happily! The real truth of the matter is far deeper and darker than just a tawdry tale of an irresponsible drunken toff who schools an innocent animal into depravity and causes it to die of alcoholism. Oh no! That's just the surface of this grisly tale. The parrot was carefully chosen by Wellington-Jones to represent the Pre-Babylonian God Thobachet, a death god propitiated by hideous bachannals and human sacrifice! Acolytes gather at the idol of Thobachet, a beaked bird-man, where they drink and drug themselves into a killing frenzy, primed for the sacrifice!

What has really been occuring after hours at the Vicar's Inn, where Winston and his minions gather nightly, except when he is off to clandestine meetings with other key figures in the New World Order, such as, for example, Dick Cheney and Arturo Espinoza?

What has been occuring in the catacombs under Rutledge House? Nothing nice, I can tell you that!

What significance is there in the colour scheme of the bizarre zebra-striped Porsche recently given by "Uncle Winston" to his young niece, Veronica Rutledge, and is she being prepared to be sacrificed in a manner quite similar to that of the Lady Diana Spencer????

It is my opinion that Penelope Rutledge has gone over entirely to the lizard-men and sold her soul for a place in the international ruling order. As such, her niece is being groomed to take her place as a symbolic sacrifice to Thobachet.

I fear the end will come soon for Veronica! But not if this column arouses the sort of public response that would demand an investigation and a full disclosure of the Truth! And that is why you, yes you, have been called upon by this column to stand up and fight now for humanity in the final hour of destiny!

I am Hector Ballsworthy and this is the *** Independent Press ***!

"THE TRUTH WILL OUT"