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BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
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Subject: BS - Cow tipping...truth or myth??? From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:31 PM I was sitting at the dinner table tonight, in legendary Orillia (well, just outside town a few miles)...with flattop, CarolC, and heseperis...and the subject of "cow-tipping" came up. Flattop, an incurable cynic, expressed disbelief in the whole concept, saying that he doubted that anyone could sneak up on a cow in a field and tip it over. He also said that cows don't sleep standing up, but lying down. I don't know if he's right about that or not. Does anyone have any rock solid info on the presumed sport of cow-tipping? Has it really been done, or is it just another one of those weird stories that go around? - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: bet Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:43 PM Both my girls here in Colorado swear that they have been cow tipping. Seems it's a young flok activity, probably will partying and such. Myself, I'll leave it to the younger ones. bet |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Matt_R Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:45 PM You need to get a running start, much like the ancient sport of bull-leaping. |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: GUEST,MichaelM Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:48 PM 15% increasing to 20% if the cud was really excellent. |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:50 PM Okay, Matt, but wouldn't the cow hear you coming and do something about it? Cows can be pretty agressive if they take a disliking to you. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: catspaw49 Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:53 PM Yep...its real. A lot of folks are skeptical, and you can't tip a big one, but the younger ones.....sure can. They become damn near comatose at times if not truly asleep. Here's one for you to do right there!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:54 PM Michael - Fer chrissake, I wasn't talking about that kind of tipping! What kind of restaurants have you been going to??? Are you a Texan? - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:59 PM Spaw, mah man, you have come through as usual! I'm impressed! I advise all who want to know the complete, ugly truth about cow tipping to go to the link that Spaw has posted above. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: flattop Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:07 PM "The subject of cow-tipping came up?" Guess who brought it up after he'd discussed alternatives to toilet paper? Damn, the Hawk has some serious problems from childhood memories of cows and toilets! He wouldn't know a Herford from a Guernsey. He's never had a Holstein rock over onto his foot with all it's weight. So, of course, he can come up with stupid questions. |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:15 PM I only do it out of compassion, so that flattop has a chance to provide some stupid answers. Instead of doing that, however, he has to resort to vile calumny and character assassination, and unsupported allegations of a totally scurrilous and irresponsible sort. It's "hereford", not herford, ignoramus! Furthermore, I have never considered cows to be a viable alternative to toilet paper, and I am astonished that you would accuse me of having done so. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: catspaw49 Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:18 PM Well now that cows have been dispatched, can I interest you in CAMELS????..........Like man, I'd walk a mile for a hump. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: flattop Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:27 PM I don't know about Spaw but Little Hawk's mind is as rich as the piles out behind the cow shed. If you're a worm, you can live well on the edges but the middle of the pile is toohot and steamy for the most enthusiastic night crawler. Some of us can't spell but we've been up colse and personal with cows. If only he'd crossed the road and met those cows instead of looking to his beagle for leadership and direction. If he had, today he might realize that Cheese Whiz has more nuance than Dylan. |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Matt_R Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:35 PM Flattop, I believe that the correct spelling is "Cheez Whiz". What next, man??! Spelling "Treet" as "Treat"? |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Katcina Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:37 PM Good try Spaw, but they are still throwing cow patties at each other. |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:40 PM If flattop could just STAY on topic for longer than the heartbeat of a fruit fly... Suzie, the beagle of whom he speaks, was as incapable of leadership as Spencer Schlossnagel. All she ever did was lie around and sleep, between bouts of gluttonous eating, of course. Okay, she did one other thing...she barked at the cows in the neighbours' field...sometimes for hours. They didn't like it one bit. One day she made the mistake of following me and my freind Johnny into the pasture and the cows spotted her from afar. They all came stampeding over to try and kill her and she ran like hell. They chased her for at least a mile and a half, across about 5 or 6 fields, and you could hear her yelping all the way. It was the most exercise the lazy old thing ever got. The next day she went right back to barking at them... I refuse to be drawn into a debate comparing Cheese Whiz to Bob Dylan. Phooey. For shame. Spaw - Remember the old camel come-on: "One hump or two?" - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: GUEST,khandu Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:48 PM AH SWEET MEMORIES!! In my teens I would sneak into the pasture to tip some of Granddad's cows. But they looked so docile and inviting that I would always forget about tipping and start thinking of romance. It was during one of these excursions that I first fell in love. I have never tipped a cow, because my testosterone always reared it's purplish head! Thanx Little Hawk for refreshing my best memories!!! khandu |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Gray Rooster Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:51 PM Cow tipping. Sheesh. Texans gave that up years ago for a REAL sport: HOARING - Hands On Armadillo Racing. **BG** |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: flattop Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:55 PM Even those of us Canadians who can't spell, don't accept Websters misspelling of Cheeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And sure Little hawk, you can bark a good dog story but what do you really know about cows? I suspect that anyone who would even think of tipping a cow has scant understanding of what goes on behind their beautiful gentle brown eyes. khandu has a point. Little Hawk has no idea how much of his decades of women trouble was triggered by his lack of empathy for these gentle hooved creatures. Squeeze Cheese has touched more people than Don't Think Twice It's All Cheesy.
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:10 PM Gray - Yup. That's just the sort of twisted thing I'd expect Texans to be doing these days... :-) khandu - your best memory...and the cow's WORST. flattop - As a matter of fact, I know exactly what goes on behind my beautiful gentle brown eyes...but I ain't tellin' you! Or did you mean the cows? I know what goes on behind their beautiful gentle brown eyes too. They stand there all day thinking "God, I hope that bugger flattop stays the hell away from here. What a loser!" Either that or they obsess about being assaulted in the dead of night by khandu... When it comes to touching people, I believe your Uncle Fred is the all time champ. Will he be released any time soon? Hopefully not. I don't think Dylan has ever written a song with the word "cheese" in it, but I will have to check... - LH (ambience) CarolC is playing beautiful accordion stuff in the background. Very nice! Hesperis is reading a book on the music industry. Flattop is pondering his next clumsy assault on the impregnable magnificence of Bob Dylan, no doubt, whilst washing the dishes. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: mousethief Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:32 PM Bob Dylan never HAD any magnificence, so that's why it's never been impregnated. If he did have one, it would have been buggered by a cow-tipper, no doubt. |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: catspaw49 Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:34 PM It was reported that Major Tom's space capsule was lost due to Cheez Whiz plugging the coolant pumps and the psychotic astronaut didn't notice the failure in time, being otherwise engaged with a Jersey. Lots of good Dylan songs though..............
Blowin' Out the Cheese So many more.............. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Matt_R Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:42 PM Spaw, that was hilarious! Leopard Skin Cheesebox Hat! |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: flattop Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:47 PM Real nuance! |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:12 AM Hmmm, yeah...
Cheez, Missus Henry That should put paid to that idea. Now, where were we? Hmmmm.... Oh yes, cow tipping. Unfortunately Bob Dylan has not yet written a song on this very important subject. One has to wonder why? Got any answer to that, Spaw? - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: flattop Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:26 AM Cheezy Dylan |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: catspaw49 Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:32 AM Well, he did write a few for khandu......
The Cow's Still Waiting at the Altar Tipping? Well.................some related I think......
Country Cowpie Many more........... Spaw
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Spud Murphy Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:35 AM We had a big old Holstein we called Patsy. My dad bought her for five dollars from our neighbor, who had tried to dehorn her and let her get away from him after he sawed one horn off. She was runnin loose on about seven hundred acres and nobody could catch her, and that's why my dad could buy her so cheap. We finally pushed her up into a fence corner and got a rope on her. I never saw a wilder cow than that nor a bigger one, and never expect to. We dallied her up to the spare tire on the old Essex and with my brother drivin got her through several gates and down about a quarter mile of county road and home. She had a calf at her side and that could have been part of the reason she was so independent minded. My brother was about fourteen then and he got the job of milkin her. We was milkin two other cows then, one a jersey we called Katie and another a little guernsey that we called E.J.'s heifer, ecause she belonged to my sister E.J., both first heifers, which the dairies used to sell cheap during the hard years of the Depression. Most cows kick to knock the bucket out from between your knees and spill the milk. Nothing malicious about it. It's just a game. Or maybe they're gettin fly-bit. They don't mean no harm, just when you get a couple of gallons bang! clang! and then they kind of twist their head around in the stanchion and look at you with those big brown limpid eyes and they actually smile. If a look could express itself in words the word would be JERK! With Patsy, kicking had nothing to do with games. She had every intention of maiming you when she kicked. The way you milk a cow that won't stand still is you make sure you got a stool that is high enough to put your head up against her flank, so your head is sort of a wedge between her leg and her belly. That way, when she kicks she kicks herslf in the belly, even though it's by way of your head. If that doesn't solve the problem, you hobble the cow, and that's when, if they try to get to rambunctious, they tend to tip over. Well, what happened was that when brother Jack got to milkin he neglected to make sure that the hobbles were secure and pretty soon old Patsy snatched her foot out and was strikin out in all directions with it. Jack was clearly on the defensive, tryin to save what milk he had and gettin tangled up with the milkin stool and then, everything was just for a second lined up and clear and POW!!! I'll bet you'll never guess where she kicked him. If you ever want to hear a fourteen year old boy scream and cuss that's the way to do it. There was a three tine pitch fork leanin against the stanchion and being that was the first thing that came to hand he swung it down on her shoulders, and then, realizin what he had a hold of, he buried it in her belly. There was a whole lot of confusion and yellin goin on with Jack howlin in pain and me cheerin everything on. (We always had our separate ways of seein things, bein that he was eight years older.) My mother heard the commotion and came running out from the kitchen to the corral. She got the pitchfork away from Jack and out of Patsy's belly and she must have given me a couple of wacks for havin such a good time about it. She also decided, in that instant, that I could do ALL the milkin from that time on. Anyway, to finish gettin the hobbles off Patsy we had to sorta bulldog her and put her on the ground, and get a rope around her hind feet so she was stretched out and couldn't kick. That's called tippin a cow.... or cow tippin..whichever. Spud (This is a true story.) |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: wysiwyg Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:51 AM Spud! That has GOT to go on the Storyteller Page!!!! ~S~ And hey-- LH. It is spelt-- among the refeened, swave, and deboner-- Pfui. ~S~
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Spud Murphy Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:57 AM WYSIWYG: I'd be pleased. If the opportunity arises someday, I'll give you Part II. Spud |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: wysiwyg Date: 27 Feb 01 - 01:03 AM Anytime, Spud! Will you submit the story above to Aine or will we have to report you? *G* Hey I just realized why the USA failed to elect Al. If only Tipper had gotten more sleep at night she could have milked the crowds far more effectively. ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Spud Murphy Date: 27 Feb 01 - 01:29 AM W: How do I do that? I ain't too much for smarts. Spud |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: wysiwyg Date: 27 Feb 01 - 01:57 AM Spud, page up on this page to see the little Quicklinks box. Click it open, and click to select Aine's Mudcat Songbook. That will take you to her page for all the Mudcat songs and stories. On that page, look for the underlined link for story submissions-- click that and you will be magically transported to writing her a message, in e-mail. From there, either give her a copy of the story, or ask her to come to this thread to copy it out for you. OK? Sounds tricky maybe but I have a feeling you are going to need to know the way to her inbox! Or you can send her a PM. Let me know if this does not work-- and I'll submit it for you. But I do have a feeling you are going to need to know the way to her inbox! It's very, very good. I can HEAR you say the words. Let me know if you could ever use a line editor-- it would be a pleasure to work with you. ~Susan |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Spud Murphy Date: 27 Feb 01 - 02:02 AM |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Gary T Date: 27 Feb 01 - 02:17 AM Just in case anyone's interested in LH's original question, here's Cecil Adams' "Straight Dope" discussion about it (click me, now! Don't wait!). It's somewhat inconclusive, but it's quite thorough about being inconclusive. |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Ebbie Date: 27 Feb 01 - 02:57 AM What a hoot. I read the blicky and I've never seen such a bunch of misinformed people. Not a farm kid in the bunch. Cows sleep lying down, period. Horses, as a rule, sleep standing. Colts and young horses and then again old horses often lie down but I haven't often seen a mature horse lying down except when it was ill or giving birth. (I suspect the term 'cow tipping' is a takeoff on the phenomenon of what a cow looks like when passing urine. It's definitely tipped.) One interesting difference between the two species is their method of rising. A horse straightens its front legs and heaves itself up by pushing with the hind legs. A cow, by definition, has an udder, sometimes a very large one. If it rose the way the horse does, the udder might get trapped under the hind hooves. So a cow rises hind legs first. Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Liz the Squeak Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:14 AM Cows can lick their own nostrils.... LTS - brought up mostly on a dairy farm, with Fresian/Hereford cross cattle, a brother and a sister, no dogs, one pig and 147 cats in the barn, although we only ever saw 3.
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Banjer Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:25 AM I won't wrongly accuse anyone of having way too much time on their hands, especially not since I feel compelled to add to this nonsense. I have never tipped a cow, (except maybe that heifer that works down at the diner), but I have been known to 'tail ski' one or two of them. This is accomplished by planting both feet (preferably with heavy rubber boots on) in a fairly fresh cow patty, grabbing Bosies tail with one hand and with the other swatting the old gal across the rump. The resulting distance is then recorded and the next competitor takes a try. I know this sounds like udder nonsense, but folks without any breeding and culture are not expected to know of these things! BTW...what are the alternatives to toilet paper, other than the obvious of course? Enquiring minds want to know..... |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: SINSULL Date: 27 Feb 01 - 08:31 AM I needed a place to share this: An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theater." The guy goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his pants. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theater, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his pants so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the movie. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Myrtle and whispers, "Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!" Myrtle whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all." Agnes says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my POPCORN!!" |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: wysiwyg Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:12 AM If only all little girls could be told that joke before getting their first "flashing" the world would be a much, MUCH better place. I am not sure I can stand to laugh as hard as that joke demands! ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: SINSULL Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:28 AM Sorcha - I was thinking tha same thing. When I was all of twelve I went to school on the A Train which stopped at Aquaduct Race Track. You can not imagine the degenerates who frequented those trains. Men masturbating publicly in front of little girls in their plaid uniforms was an everyday occurrence(SP?)and we "could" not talk about it. Just not mentioned in those days. Now the bastards would be strung up by their balls. The chicken eating popcorn image might have made the whole business downright funny. Sorry for the drift. Now back to cow tipping. |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: LR Mole Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:37 AM "Bob Dylan's 115th Dream": "He said, you know,they refused cheeses,too"... |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:41 PM Very good, Mole...(actually, for those who don't know, the word in the song is "Jesus"). So...we now have a whole bunch of rochfort solid (sorry!) and diametrically opposite opinions on the subject of cow tipping, horse tipping, and how cows and horses sleep. Quite confusing. It's too bad we can't get a testimonial from an actual cow-tipper (assuming such fools actually exist). I feel sure that Blind DRunk in Blind River has at least attempted to tip a cow on some drunken outing, but he's been lying low lately. Maybe he found a girlfriend (!) or possibly he's in jail for welfare fraud. Or maybe he went through the ice on his snowmobile... Time will tell. So come on, there (cut it out!) and (hey! I'm trying to type here, fer God's sake!)...my SO is tickling me and causing no end of confusion here... Yes. Will all those degenerates who have actually tipped....or at least attempted to tip a cow, please post to this thread? And will all cows who have been subjected to such harassment do so likewise? Assuming you're computer literate, that is...if not, get help. - LH
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:46 PM I'm sure the stories that Aberdeen Angus only tip 5% is an unjustified slur. RtS "You'll have had your tea?" |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:59 PM "Yes, and with one sugar, thank you." - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Kim C Date: 27 Feb 01 - 01:44 PM What Gouda Am I! Heeeheeheheeeheeheeheheeeheehee! I actually have a leopardskin cheesebox hat, thankyouverymuch - I got it at a flea market for $2. It's fake, of course. My favorite cheese story happened several years ago when I worked at one-a-them "alternative newsweeklies." Countrypop band Sawyer Brown had just put out a new album, and our music reviewer called it "cheesy." A couple of weeks later, a package came for him. There was a very humorous and good-natured letter from the band, along with a 5-lb block of Velveeta. |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:18 PM Cheese again! Well, better cheesy than sleazy, I suppose. Still, what we need here is some actual solid evidence on: 1. Cow tipping - real or not? 2. Cow sleeping - prone or standing up? 3. Horse tipping and sleeping - same questions as above... Which brings me to this question...what about elephant and rhinoceros tipping? Why stop at mere cows? Cows may be more generally available, but that shouldn't stop a real enthusiast who has the grit to aim for the highest achievement possible in his field. Or would that be giraffe tipping? Hold the velveeta. - LH |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Kim C Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:25 PM Well what I have always heard is that horses and cows CAN sleep standing up because it can be difficult for them to get up and down. I mean, cows are just a little ungainly. Imagine if you weighed a ton and only had those little spindly legs to hold you up. I have seen cows in pasture lying down but not very often. So I really don't know what that's all about. Cow tipping could be a lot like snipe hunting for all I know. Horses and cows both reproduce and give birth standing up, so why not sleep that way too? Anybody here a veterinarian? |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: SINSULL Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:27 PM Cletus and his buddies have been known to tip cows. Of course then we'll have to discuss whether or not they are real. |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Don Firth Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:32 PM Good one, Sinsull. How about this? An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theater." "Why the hell not?" roars the man. "Well," says the girl, somewhat flummoxed by the man's bellow, "Why would a chicken even want to go to a movie?" "I don't know why she wouldn't," says the man. "She loved the book!" Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real??? From: Little Hawk Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:38 PM "Snipe hunting"? What is that like? "Imagine if you weighed a ton and only had those little spindly legs to hold you up." Well, there are a number of women (and a few men) in this town who fit that description to a "T", and they do manage to get around. I see them most often at the Chinese buffet, getting their 5th heaping plate of food. As far as I know they do not sleep standing up, however. Strange, isn't it? - LH |
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