BS: Great phrases you know and use.

Subject: BS: Utilitarian phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 03:55 PM

I am always looking for good one-liners. Some that have remained with me for years are as follows.

(For situations in which one is frustrated or POed.) If I had any hair left I'd pull it out.

If you discipline yourself then no one will have to do it for you.

Time is nature's way of making sure everything doesn't happen all at once.

Ignorance is a state of mind located between I don't know and I don't care.

If you decide to add any, I will shamelessly use them. The "Ignorance is a state of mind" one is my own. Welcome to it.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:05 PM

About as much use as a button on a sock.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:11 PM

Thank you.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:15 PM

Your very welcome brucie

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Vic at work
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:26 PM

Hi brucie, I think this one is mine but I won't argue about it.
Once upon atime there were three bears - now look how many there are.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:26 PM

I promise-- I'll be right here until you need me. :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,John O'Lennaine
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:27 PM

Don't mind him, he's talking through a hole in his head.

My wife said that to my dad some years ago and he thought it over for a while and then said to me "Your mouth IS a hole in your head"
Good one dad. You're as sharp as a bowling ball.

("Sharp as a bowling ball" - Is that another one just slipped out Brucie?)

Failure requires no preparation
or
Failing to prepare is preparing to fail

I'm sure there are more. I'Ll give it some thought.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:30 PM

Hey, these are GOOD.

I am laughing out loud. Truly.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:34 PM

Arguing with you is like fighting with an unarmed man.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:36 PM

If you don't know where you're going, you'll end up someplace else.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:37 PM

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

Place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use back door.

The Priest unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:38 PM

"As much use as a candy-floss door knocker"
"It's like trying to knit fog"
"One door closes and another one shuts" (to be spoken in times of adversity - doesn't help but makes me smile)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:51 PM

There are many I haven't heard before--most, actually. This is a thread I am gonna save.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Bad Cuilionn... no biscuit
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 04:53 PM

Ane o the things I love aboot Scots is the combination o utility & humour in common phrases sic as these:

"Ye're pure deid brilliant" (You're very clever/ inventive/ splendid)

"She wis aye gobsmacked" (she was shocked/surprised)

"it wis cauld kail het agin" (cold kail reheated, i.e. "old news")

Anither favourite line: (Dinnae ken the source o this)

"Madness takes its toll. Please carry exact change."

    --Cuilionn

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Amergin
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:04 PM

He's not the sharpest marble in the world.

(that's mine)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:15 PM

Cool.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:29 PM

If you don't do it with your head, you'll have to do it with your feet.

If it isn't worth doing, it's not worth doing well.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: *Laura*
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:32 PM

Shut your arse and give your face a chance

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 05:47 PM

A few my grandpa used to say:

"Looks like a cross between a bull bitch and a window shutter... a real Heinz 57."

"Nice colour. What is it? Shit Brindle?"

"It's just a half of an eighth of a sixteenth of an inch off"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:09 PM

The easiest thing to do is to make something easy into something difficult. (me)

There is only what is; what should be never existed. (Leonard A. Schneider, Stand-Up Philosopher.....aka Lenny Bruce)

Have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up. (Eddie Murphy)

Generally used when asked an opinion on how something is working out: Too early to tell, too late to care. (me)

......and about a hundred others.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:15 PM

RTFM, dammnit!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: open mike
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:18 PM

the one i use on the end of each of my e-mails is :

Peace will reign when the power of love

is stronger than the love of power.

i have been informed that this is a chiastic phrase. Which is this:
In each example, if you connect the similar words with a straight line, you form an "X", which is the Greek letter "chi". If you search for chiasmus, you will find entire websites devoted to this subject.
(such as ask not what your country can do for you
but what you can do for your country)
A few years ago I put this on my chrtistmas card:
'I'll see it when i believe it "

life is what happens when you are making plans

It is like trying to herd banana slugs (or cats)

we used to have a dog....when asked what her breed was
we answered "Canardly" because you can hardly tell what....

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 06:38 PM

Heres one. What we leave behind is not as important as how we lived.

Heres two: We are the creators of our own circumstances.

Heres Threee: Experiance with your life before the time you have to do it runs out.

Four: A Heart is not Judged by how much you love. but how much you are loved by others,,,The Wizard of oz..

Five: If i ever go looking for my hearts desire, I wont look any furture than my own back yard. Because if it isnt there, I havent really lost it in the first place..The wizard of oz..

six: Home is where the heart is,,,"On the Bus" Frank Zappa"

seven: There are no trails to a womans heart...?

Eight: The soul of a woman was created below: Led Zepplin.

nine: Love can walk the fire without thinking: Allen Jackson.

10: Where some see obstacels, others see a chance to elavate"

11: Your are the creator of your own circumstanses. "Gary Zukav"

12: The most wasted of all days is that on which one has not laughed

13: A person makes his/hers own luck.

14: The harder one works the luckier he/she will get/;Dr.Phil.

15: Get in, sit down, shut up, and hold on>>

16: Dope will get you thru times of no money better than money will
    get you thru times of no dope. "Freak Brothers"

17: You create your own experiance.

18: There is no "I" in "Team"

19: Blame ALWAYS ends in "ME"

20: There is no triump without loss.

21: Keep your face to the sunshine, so you cannot see the shadows. Helen Keller.
22: "The End" The journey doesnt end with death, it just puts us on
    another path.

23: Greed is the most explicit thing to be exployed.

24: "BUT" (Means) Forget everything i just said, Now i'm going to tell you what i really think.

25: The truth is what one says when they run out of good excusses.

26: Be ashamed of death if not won one for humanity.

27: Think globally, But act localily.Rene Dubos 1981.

28: To acheive the American dream...If it was ment to be, Its up to me..Never,,NEVER...QUIT...

29: A farting horse will never tire, A farting man is the one to hire

30: You can smoke if ya wanna, but ya gotta bring your own marydoyawanna"

         Enough allready....For now....Stay free..kindaloupehackenweez

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Micca
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:05 PM

1 If I wanted to go there I wouldnt start from here
2 If all else fails read the instructions
3 God must have loved idiots, he made so many of them

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:15 PM

i may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

please dont tell me to relax, its only my tension that's holding me together.

i have you, you have me, at least one of us is lucky.

I'm writing to tell you I have nothing to say.

Anybody who thinks I am strange ought to meet you.

all i want is a warm bed, and a kind word, and unlimited power.

My life is already complicated enough, without trying to introduce organization into it.

If you can't keep in sight, at least keep in touch.

Why don't you write, and give me a chance not to reply?

Single-handedly, I have fought my way into this hopeless mess.

I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must be from you.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and, whatever you hit, call it the target.

Please remain calm - it's no use both of us being hysterical at the same time.

all of these are from Ashleigh Brilliant

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:24 PM

"Go climb up your thumb!" (it means: Get lost!)

"Give him the Broderick!" (beat the hell out of him)

"She sizes up as a worker." (a broad who takes a guy for his money)

"Tip your mitt."   (show your hand)

"Fill him with with daylight!" (shoot him)

"Let's dust!"   (Let's geddadahere!)

"I know from nothin'" (I don't know anything)

"What's the grift?"   (What are you tryin' to pull?)

"Give him the gate." (Get him out of here.)

"She skates around plenty." (She's a girl of easy virtue.)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:36 PM

Just returned from a fire call--thank you folks. Keep 'em comin'. You are just waht the doctor ordered.

Oh, one I heard recently from a Scottish fellow who's on the department (and it can be used with either sex): S/he was so ugly his/her face looked like a bulldog lickin' piss off a thistle.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Nerbles
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:37 PM

EEEEE-YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: open mike
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:49 PM

yes ashley brilliant is full of it,,,i mean full of them!!
I love his books! reall food for thought...
thanks for that link.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 07:54 PM

kindaloupehackenweez .. yours were great (and sources documented .. phew!)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 08:03 PM

"He wants a Winnie-the-Pooh blond....bare, with very little brain"
(mine)

When you bump into someone and they say "Oh, am I in your way?"....the answer is "No, you're in MY way."
(one of my best!...properly delivered, you can stop 'em in their tracks)

"Ya' don't wanta do too good of a job...folks will begin to expect it.."
    Talkin' John (an old carpenter at my university)
usually followed by, "That's close enough...it ain't like they're gonna take pictures of it."

"Take all you want....take more than you want."
My ol' daddy-(said at the dinner table)

In answer to "When are you gonna have this done?"..etc., Daddy would say, "Next October, at four o'clock" (no, I don't remember what he said IN October..)

"Six dozen of the other" a perfectly clear, but quaintly condensed version of "Six of one, half a dozen of the other"
Virgil Plute electrican at my Univ. (who had so many of these, we called them "Pluteisms")

"It'll feel better when it quits hurtin'."
(my 'ol daddy, again...to reassure someone, usually a child)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 08:06 PM

when putting disinfectant/tea tree oil on a child's graze or scrape, and they say it hurts

"that's only the germs screaming.."

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 08:15 PM

...and I have a BUNCH of the Ashleigh Brilliant cards...

"I was educated once, and it took me years to get over it."

"If things don't get any better, I may have to ask you to stop helping me."

"As long as I have you, I can endure all the troubles you inevitably bring." (my wife & I use this a LOT..*grin*)

"When I say nothing, I don't necessarily MEAN nothing."

"I could do great things, if I weren't so busy doing little things."

"Appreciate me now, and avoid the rush."

"Wonderful! You have some of my favorite problems!"

"Everything is controlled by a small, evil group; to which, unfortunately, nobody I know belongs."

"There has been an alarming increase in the number of things I know nothing about!" (one of my all time favorites)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Cluin
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 08:24 PM

Thanks, but when I want your opinion, I can fart and listen to my own asshole.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 09:16 PM

I am gonna use that one sometime, Cluin. Thanks! I think it works better if you put the word "just" before "fart".

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sorcha
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 10:03 PM

Never doubt your wife's judgement, look who she married
Dumber than a box of rocks
It's a long way from your heart (about an owie)
No blood, no owie.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 11:48 PM

"Good though!"

"Another lock delay!"

"Onward and upward!"

"Pigs ate my roses!"

(art thieme)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: harpgirl
Date: 11 Dec 04 - 11:58 PM

Now...It's not worth buying the entire pig just to get a little sausage...

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 12:08 AM

I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!

She was on that like white on rice!

Oh...there are so many more that elude me at the moment.............

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 12:18 AM

"Death is natures way of getting your family off your back."

"Less talk and more synthahol!!!!!!!" --- (Lt. Warf)

"Same old rules. No eyes. No Groin"

"Cold enough to freeze an egg on the sidewalk!"

"A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries!"

"It's not the heat. It's the humanity!"

"Never buy fresh fish from a car with Oklahoma plates!"

"One good turn gets most of the blanket!"

"It's colder than a teacher's wit!!"



(Art Thieme again)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 01:40 AM

Heres afew more:

Oh and Freda i'll Try to referance them. The ones not referanced were either unknown or i heard them on the t.v. or made them up myself

Adversity doesnt build charactor it reveals it. Unknown.

Dont let your alligator mouth override your hummingbird ass. Unknown

I wish i knew then what i know now. TV commerical

Folks are about as happy as they make up there minds to be. Abraham Licholn (sbts)= (sorry bout the spelling)

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. "Thomas Jefferson"

All of the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seed of today. Unknown

I dont know, I think i might, but i'm not sure. "Kindaloupehackenweez

Nice guys finish last. Archy Bunker. (All in the family)

A Dream is a question we havent yet learned to ask. The X files

Its better to die standing on my feet, Than to continue living on my knees. General Emiliano Zapata.

Enjoy kindaloupehackenweez/ Loco inlaw cabessa PEACE...

P.S. Why do they call it a roach clip?   
                     Because "Pot holders" was already taken.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Clareling
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 02:51 AM

Accept that somedays you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. - Roger C. Anderson

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: fat B****rd
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 03:24 AM

Hi, Brucie. How are ya ?? I once read on a lavatory wall that "The secret of a happy life is not to do what you like but to like what you do"

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kendall
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 05:41 AM

I'm not the man I used to think I was. (Mine, I think)

Ugly: She looked like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

So ugly the tide wouldn't take her out.

I've never learned anything talking to someone I agree with. (Mine)

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 06:35 AM

Used tombstone for sale perfect for someone named Homer Hendel Bergen Heinzel. One only

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory must be willing to travel

Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. £100 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: GUEST,Toenails John
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 08:38 AM

On the 7th day god made woman, since then, NOBODY'S rested.

As usefull as tits on a bull

Live a dogs life, if you cant eat it or screw it, piss on it

You're as ignorant as the back of my b***s

Me stones are like 2 feet (indicating coldness, i assume we can figure out what stones are???)

Do farts have lumps?

He has the kind of face only a mother could love

If assholes could fly, this folk club would be an airport

Some mornings i wake up cold & miserable, other mornings i let her sleep

Never turn your back on a woman in bed unless you want 2 cold feet put on it.

And finally the best bit of advice i was ever given by my Gran-Uncle
"If a woman leaves her knickers on the bedroom floor more than 2 nights in a row, forget about her!"

I may think of some more, but these spring straight to mind

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: kendall
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 09:02 AM

Don't give advice. The wise don't need it and the fool won't heed it.

Money can't buy happiness, but if you have enough of it, you get to choose the kind of misery that suits you best.

Don't deride someone else's religion; it's no sillier than your own.

What goes around, comes around.

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Megan L
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 09:17 AM

Usually said to motorists "were you born that daft or did you practice"

If yer brains were nitro you widny hae tae fly a red flag

Tak care guid fowk are hard tae find

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 09:43 AM

I don't believe in psychiatry. Anyone who would go to a psychiatrist should have his head examined.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Great phrases you know and use.
From: Peace
Date: 12 Dec 04 - 10:11 AM

You guys and gals have a gang of keepers. Thank you.