Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Áine Date: 19 Dec 01 - 12:24 AM Good morning, Challenge!rs!! I do hope that you kept your senses sharpened after the last hoo-haw with Santa -- you're gonna need all your synapses snapping for this one . . . -- Áine No Room On The Xerox For Virgin Berths -- Bosses at Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Mobile scuppered plans to have photocopiers at their Christmas party so staff could scan their bottoms. The idea was to recreate a television advertisement for the firm featuring former All Saints star Melanie Blatt, in which she does the same. But the stunt was dropped after the company's legal advisers stepped in and ruled it unsafe. More than 1,000 Virgin Mobile employees attended the firm's Christmas party on Tuesday at a nightclub in the Wiltshire town of Trowbridge. It featured performances from the pop group Liberty and DJ Boy George. A spokeswoman for the firm said she had heard about the idea to install reinforced photocopiers in the club as a gag after the success of the advertisement. She said she understood it had come from someone else in their communications department, but was rejected by legal experts. "Somebody had been talking about it early on, but it wouldn't have been allowed for legal reasons," the spokeswoman said. "It's unfortunate because it would be a good laugh." And it appears that the ban-the-bums barristers might have an ally in the form of Officials at the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, who say workers risk cutting themselves on broken copier glass. They say the Virgin mobile phone ad of Melanie Blatt photocopying her backside is "daft and irresponsible". Spokesman Roger Vincent is warning office workers not to be tempted to make photocopied backsides "this year's festive trend". He told The Sun: "Inhibitions are loosened after a few drinks and people show off. We don't want copying backsides to become this year's festive trend. "Someone could find themselves in a hospital casualty ward this Christmas instead of at home with their families. "Sitting on a photocopier is very dangerous. We don't want to be killjoys but advise people to stick to good old-fashioned mistletoe." Go For It (gently!), Challenge!rs!! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 19 Dec 01 - 02:37 AM Not ready for a Pulitzer Prize (or a Pullet Surprise, either), but I just had to leap up and expose myself in the following fashion: The Copied Bummer Come, they told me -- bum, bum, bum, bum, bum Blessed "Virgin,"-- bum, bum, bum, bum, bum Boy George nodded,--bum, bum, bum, bum, bum |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 19 Dec 01 - 06:26 AM A parody of "Down By The Liffeyside" which is itself a parody of "Down By The Sally Gardens". THE COPYING OF MY BACKSIDE It was to the office Christmas do, my colleague and I did stray The pair of us were roarin' drunk, been drinkin' since the dawnin' of the day We were both well-oiled and a bit shop-soiled, scuttered, bollixed, almost paralysed Ah but now, by Christ, I am paying the price, for the copying of my backside Well Jeanie was pissed on Irish Mist, Diamond White, vodka and Red Bull "Have you got a Black Bush?" The barmaid blushed, thinking I was on the pull Then the landlord's shout "Get the pair of yez out! I have had about enough of you!" And we laughed till we cried as he turfed us outside and we staggered to the Christmas do I'm not much of a dancer, I'm more of a romancer and under the flashing lights Jeanie's face assumed a certain grace I almost didn't recognise I damn nearly said "Ah now Jean, you're drop dead, how would you fancy an oul' shift?" But she whispered in my ear "Johnny, come over here" and she gestured towards the goods lift We stopped at Lower Ground and we made not a sound as we crept towards the reprograhics room I pictured a scene, it was torrid and obscene, the pair of us hard at it in the gloom "Do you know why we're here?" "I do indeed, my dear. It's clear that you are gaggin' for a ride …" "Ah, John, go on. You're having me on. I want to copy your backside" My ego deflated, I wouldn't be sated with loving provided by Jean But I'm not one to sulk, so I hefted my bulk on to the copying machine With my Ys round my feet, I rested my bare seat, on top of the photocopy glass Till – with a loud retort – I am sorry to report the machine gave way beneath my ass The machinery still hummed and jaggin' my bum were splinters and shrapnel and shards I was wedged good and tight, I looked a quare sight and more humiliation on the cards Jean pulled and tugged, but still I was snug, "It's no use Jean" at last I sighed "You must go tell the boss, and I'll have to pay the cost for the copying of my backside" Around me they flocked, and the flashbulbs went pop, tears of laughter fell like drops of rain Trapped like a baste, naked from the waist, never been so belittled or ashamed Just as Moses parted the Red Sea, my boss strode up to me and the crowds made way and stood aside "Come the New Year you'll be out on your ear for the copying of your backside"
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 19 Dec 01 - 06:57 AM A picture from life's other side... |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Áine Date: 19 Dec 01 - 09:21 AM Two fine offerings from two fine folks! Here's the first slate of Silver B.L.O.B.s, then --
To Genie, who might not be ready for Pullet(!), but who's definitely ready for a Cow Chip!, for this rhythmical delight: -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 19 Dec 01 - 09:25 AM I've just re-read the song above and actually it's a bit of a squeeze to get it to scan with "Down By The Liffeyside". I think I was writing it with the tune of McAlpine's Fusiliers playing on my mental jukebox. (The two tunes are quite similar.) Anyway … the words of my submission above seem to fit quite well to McAlpine's Fusiliers …. For my second submissoon, I have parodied quite an obscure song. On Stump's 1988 album, "A Fierce Pancake" (any album with a Flann O'Brien/Myles Na Gopaleen reference in its title gets house-room in my collection), is the glorious, raucous "Charlton Heston (Put His Vest On)". RICHARD BRANSON (Kept His Pants On) To celebrate our year of labour Every worker and his neighbour Received a gilt-edged invitation To come and have a few libations Champagne, sherry, vodkatinis Wine and gin and beer Paper hats and party poppers On the stage, the new chart-toppers But lads and lassies keep it tasteful Keep it clean and keep it chasteful Pass The Parcel, Spin The Bottle But please don't Shoot The Moon Richard Branson kept his pants on Please don't photograph your botty That would drive poor Richard potty Safety first he's always urgin' The hairy-featured boss of Virgin Safety first and mind your manners We've standards to maintain Beware the photocopy's flash It might turn your arse to ash It can sizzle it can singe It might barbecue your minge So let's respect our office systems And not give them abuse Richard Branson kept his pants on Do not copy do not fax That which lies within your kecks Frankly it's of no interest To see with what you have been blessed Your arse may be big and hairy You may have a gorgeous Mary Your manhood may be like a club Or may be like a pencil stub But if the urge within you rises To photograph your bumses, thighses Please resist the lewd temptation Or be prepared for castigation The safety man is standing by On our machines he'll keep an eye If used in ways that are not intended He shall see that you're suspended Or maybe fire you, there and then Can't say for certain it depends Either way, you must measure If the risk is worth the pleasure But it's a risk I'll not be chancin' Richard Branson kept his pants on |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 19 Dec 01 - 12:04 PM "Bosses at Sir Richard Branson's Virgin Mobile scuppered plans to have photocopiers at their Christmas party so staff could scan their bottoms. Pray tell, what business is this firm in? Dave Oesterreich |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 19 Dec 01 - 06:10 PM The Xeroxed Burglar
I was born and raised in Wiltshire, I burgled stores and condos, As I softly stole into a house, I went back to my day job sir, Now, I've never been a party poop, For just after I had left the bash, My character was taken, So you who have your liberty, |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Áine Date: 20 Dec 01 - 10:01 AM You know, a certain Bard of the Fam remarked to me the other day that the quality and talent in the Song Challenge!s had risen remarkably in the last few months. And I couldn't agree more! Whether you all write just a few quick lines, or go whole hog and give us a ten minute ballad, your amazing imaginations produce some mighty wonderful songs. Well done, my darlin's!
Now, here are the latest Silver B.L.O.B.s for two of my personal heart throbs (hahaha): -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 20 Dec 01 - 10:54 AM On my way into work every morning I pass a statue of Oscar Wilde. I read McGrath's link. The two combined and sparked off the following ditty.
THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY's BACKSIDE |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 20 Dec 01 - 11:06 AM The Little Toner Drum Boy
Come they told me
The lawyers banned the stunt
What if you break the glass? duplicate post deleted by mudelf ;-) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Deda Date: 20 Dec 01 - 02:52 PM Heavy crunch on at work so I can't offer anything this time, but this is a particularly hilarious group to read over my short lunch hour!! LOL, admiring thanks to all. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Áine Date: 20 Dec 01 - 03:49 PM More joy being reflected in this Challenge! Here are the Silver B.L.O.B.s for these latest fantastically funny bits: To derrymacash, for this historically hysterical hi-ho: It's a picture of Dorian Gray's backside All wrinkled and flabby and grey Not perky nor carried with pride But saggy and hairy they say It's kept under wraps in a garret Hidden from eyes that might pry No joy to behold, it is aged and old The picture of Dorian Gray's backside And to Jack the Sailor for exposing himself as a traditionalist with these lines: What if you break the glass? Pa rump a Bum Bum The pain would last and last Pa rump a Bum Bum The shards stuck in your ass? Pa rump a Bum Bum Think I'll give that a pass Pa rump a Bum Bum Rump a Bum Bum Rump a Bum Bum I put a lamp shade upon my head Pa rump a Bum Bum There, enough said. Keep 'em comin', Challenge!rs!! -- Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Bradypus Date: 20 Dec 01 - 07:52 PM The tune, obviously, is 'Ding Dong! Merrily on High. Apologies to any secretaries, or people called Gloria, for what follows. This is a work of pure imagination.
The Office Secretary |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 20 Dec 01 - 08:13 PM Hilarious, Brady!! Terrific stuff, Jack, and Derry!! I am chuckling my Xerox off!! A. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Áine Date: 20 Dec 01 - 09:27 PM My darlin' Bradypus -- Fantastic!! -- but, who gave you the goods on a certain TGG and those office parties of yore?? Nevermind, you really deserve a Golden B.L.O.B. for: Who pigged out on all the food? Who ate enough for twenty? Who drank much more than she should? It looked like she'd had plenty! LMAO, Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 21 Dec 01 - 07:21 AM This tune is to the air of the Ducks of Magheralin (or as it has been inadvertently dubbed in a current thread, The Ducks of Marilyn). It goes out to me oul' china, ard mhacha. Nollaig shona, a h-Oilibhéar a chara chairde agus beannacht duit. It was at the office Christmas do, in the photocopy room There was giggling and tittering as we gathered in the gloom Now and then the oul machine would make its fateful pass With a flash like lightning as a colleague photographed his ass And then it came my turn to climb aboard the oul' machine To drop my pants (and thanks to Christ my underwear was clean!) But "Oh!" my colleagues gasped in awe and shrank from me in fright As I removed my boxers the room was bathed with light CHORUS Cos the sun shines out my ass, yes the sun shines out my ass A light so bright and pure and white it cannot be surpassed The subject of conjecture, "Is it true?" some folks have asked Well, believe your eyes, you girls and guys, the sun shines out my ass! How this solar object came to lodge in my rear end Is truly a great mystery but I shall not pretend That its presence causes bother, it's truly not a blight I'm the only man on earth with a built-in source of light I was standing by the ocean, the ships they sailed and steamed Kept free of any danger by the lighthouse and its beam But the lightbulb failed, the keeper wailed "The ships will all be sunk" "Have no fear, me keeper dear, I'll spin and drop my trunks!" CHORUS I was watching Riverdance the lights they had a fault Threatening to bring the night's proceeding to halt "We have no spot to single out Jean Butler's next step-dance" But I leapt to the rescue, bent down and dropped my pants. It was at the Castleblaney fleadh, my mate lost his dope To try to find it in the dark he knew there was no hope But when I dropped my knickers, bathing all in a sea of light He found his stash, ten pounds in cash and roared out in delight CHORUS Adnauseam
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 21 Dec 01 - 09:15 AM Derry, that one is a True Keeper!! Abso-bloody-lutely grand!! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 21 Dec 01 - 09:22 AM Amos ... Many thanks for your kind words. The Nollaig shona and beannacht aren't just reserved for me oul' mucker ard mhacha ... they're meant for each and every 'catter. (Even those who, over the past year, I've had run-ins.) But especially to those few foolhardy, demented, creative individuals who take the time to raise a smile (or otherwise provoke or entertain) by taking Áine's challenges on board. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 21 Dec 01 - 09:58 AM Merry Christams all, bradypus that was VERY funny, Derry, That riverdance thing was a great wrinkle, kind Rudolph from the rear! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: MMario Date: 21 Dec 01 - 10:33 AM I keep thinking I want to have a try at this - then I read the entries - and realize I ain't gonna compete against these entries. (I know - it's not a "competition")
Just bums sitting on the copier
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 21 Dec 01 - 10:42 AM Big Ol Grin, MM!! You got da stuff, mon -- ya jus' gotta exercise it more!! This self-effacement stuff ain't gonna getcha nowhere, ya foller? Merry Maries to you and ALL the Madcap Songsters. Amos Madcap Emeritus |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: DaveP Date: 21 Dec 01 - 11:03 AM To the tune of Once in Royal Davids city
- Well it's a start anyway
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: GUEST Date: 21 Dec 01 - 12:47 PM Many thanks Derrymacash, I tiptoe away from such a talented site and wish you all in the ancient tongue, Nollag Shona. Slan Ard Mhacha. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 21 Dec 01 - 08:21 PM I don't know if you've already awarded the prizes yet. (I don't want to read other folks' entries until I've finished my concoctions.) At any rate, here's one of my angles on the story. Sonja
Oh, What A Wild Office Party There's a big, hairy butt on the Mita. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: GUEST,Sonja again Date: 21 Dec 01 - 08:27 PM Ooopps! Áine, can you help me fix that last post? I thought I had it finished, then I noticed the gaffe in the first verse. Can substitute this verse for the botched one? Thanks a bunch! Sonja There's a big, hairy butt on the Mita. (sorted by a Joeclone) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 21 Dec 01 - 08:42 PM The Christmas Thong Words: Jeanene Pratt © 2001 Tune: The Christmas Song Mel Tormé & Robert Wells, 1946 Chester's perching on the copier; Ev'rybody knows that turkey with his mistletoe We know there's gonna be horseplay, And so they're offering this silly rule: *Alternative lines (if the setting is altered a bit): |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 22 Dec 01 - 02:25 AM This challenge is too good a story not to keep at it, so here goes another one: Give It A Rest, Ye Merry Revelers Give it a rest, ye merry revelers, beware what you display. (Refrain) Oh, chidings of "Bum sport!" annoy, "Bum sport!" annoy! From Sid, our legal counsel, a blasted memo came (Refrain) Now all your Christmas bonuses are by the "Virgin's" grace, (Refrain) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 22 Dec 01 - 04:10 AM Genie and I gotta get these done so we can read the other entries! (I'll admit, I've read a couple of Derrymasch's, and they're hilarious!) Sonja HE CAME UPON THE XEROX CLEAR He came upon the Xerox clear, that curious old CEO. Still thru the closet doors they come with private things unveiled; For lo, Boss Branson is chast'ning us our profits to uphold, "The scanner 'neath its crushing load, those forms all bending it low, |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Áine Date: 22 Dec 01 - 09:37 AM Good Morning, Challenge!rs! I know that you're all awaiting the slinging of the Silver B.L.O.B.s with bated breath(s) -- however, I have to make a run into Dallas for a bit o' business this morning, so I'll be slinging with a smile upon my return. Keep 'em coming and I'll see y'all real soon, Áine |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 22 Dec 01 - 10:27 AM Davep, Sonja, Genie, MMario: You guys have me rolling in the office corridors!! These are all grounds for extreme hilarity. This is such a crew of talent! I love it. A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Clifton53 Date: 22 Dec 01 - 06:34 PM Dear Flabby (Tune is Dear Abby by John Prine)
Dear Flabby,Dear Flabby
Too Beefy, Too Beefy, your fate it is plain
Dear Flabby, Dear Flabby, my office is whacked
Young Porker, Young Porker, don't make me get tough
Dear Flabby, Dear Flabby, I'm lean as a cat
Miss Starlet, Miss Starlet, you nasty 'lil witch
Dear Flabby, Dear Flabby, my life is just gone
Horse Hopper, Horse Hopper, it's never too late Clifton
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 22 Dec 01 - 07:53 PM Since Jack The Sailor one-upped me on my first entry (how dare he write a parody of the same song I chose and do it better than I did??!), I gotta submit yet another. Genie Jolie All Saints' Melanie When the mood strikes everyone (chemically enhanced), Johnny is a hairy ape; Susie's cheeks are red; Lawyer grinches, sticks up ass, mean to bar our way. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 22 Dec 01 - 08:18 PM Clifton, I'm in awe! Genie |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 22 Dec 01 - 10:36 PM Clifton To paraphrase a movie, ya had me a "Cheeks are too wide" I was smiling for a couple of minutes on that one line. Then I came to Genie's Entry. Imagine my jaw dropping embarrassment. Especially since someone had done it to me in challenge 76 or 76, (don't recall which and it pays not to dwell) All I can say is I read and enjoyed your first entry without recognizing the song and apparantly it pays to mention which song is being parodied. BTW the second entry is very funny, luckily it has restored my smile. All the best of the season to you. Rob |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 22 Dec 01 - 11:51 PM Jack, as Áine has reminded me, people often choose the same song to parody, usually quite unknowingly. Some songs, such as Little Drummer Boy, in this instance, are ripe for parodying. (Note that two of us have already used "The Christmas Song.") I just thought that your use of "Pa rump a Bum Bum" was cleverer, with more double entendre, than my "Bum bum bum bum bum." No cause for you to be embarrassed--I was praising your work. Genie |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 23 Dec 01 - 12:42 AM Geeze, with all this backpatting, the TGG better come back from town before we pound ourselves into mutally awestruck smithereens!! :>) A. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 23 Dec 01 - 02:07 AM Well, Amos, send in one of yours and we'll pat yours, too (back, that is)!<BR><BR>Genie §;-) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 23 Dec 01 - 03:03 AM (Genie: On a technical note it looks like you are using Composer to write posts before posting them, but also including HTML codes characters like br's and p's. The HTML generated by Composer doesn't parse these as HTML but as literals-whats hows up is not the line break but the actual characters "<", "BR", and ">". If you want to insert addditional HTML code commands into a Composer-generated HTML post you have to do it after you copy the source and paste it in the post box.) I wrote one way back at the beginning of the challenge but it isn't as good as some of the subsequent ones! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 23 Dec 01 - 03:23 AM Actually, Amos, you are quite right, but the gaffe was the result of my doing the procedure properly, then trying to insert more copy, then re-pasting, etc. You saw the result. Moral: Finish the damned thing (in Composer) before you copy it from Page Source! Genie P.S. I also wrote one (in knee-jerk) fashion way back at the beginning of the challenge--also not as good as subsequent ones. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 23 Dec 01 - 11:46 AM MEMO TO: The employees of Virgin Mobile "Tiny sprigs of good, old-fashioned "We encourage moderation "Though the glass is reinforced, Words: Sonja W. Oates © 2001 |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 23 Dec 01 - 11:58 AM Amos, Now that I've allowed myself to read the prior entries, I must say that you and Derrymasch have imaginations extraordinare (mirabile dictu!)! I don't know if you guys are creative geniuses or deranged (or both). LOL! Genie |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 23 Dec 01 - 03:23 PM Sonja: Well, if we're sorta trying to home in on the right answer, let's Home On Deranged. It's more amusing. I love that legal missive -- it has JUST the toney element this thread needed!! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 23 Dec 01 - 06:47 PM Not deranged ... honest ... (twitch) ... |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 24 Dec 01 - 02:12 AM Amos, you're just full of it (punacity, that is)! Genie §;-) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 24 Dec 01 - 02:45 AM Is there a Joe Clone out there who can edit one of my entries above? I thought of a better title and first line, and I would like to change it. The song in question is "Jolie All Saints' Melanie." Can Mudself or one of you clones change that in the title and in the first line of the song? Thanks so much. Genie |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: GUEST Date: 24 Dec 01 - 06:49 AM Derrymacash was sent over from North Armagh to educate the Cockneys, Sonja, he is a genius the only man I have ever seen that can down a Pint whilst trussed in a strait-jacket. Slan Ard Mhacha. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Deda Date: 24 Dec 01 - 11:50 AM These are all so hilarious I really am LOL at my desk, causing workers to look askance. My only public excuse is that it's Christmas Eve and my SON is arriving from France tonight, for two weeks, so I'm actually too giddy to be at work at all, although I have a lot to do -- too much. I haven't had time, or for some reason haven't seemed able to finish a proper entry but here are my fragmented beginnings. My own creative well is a little dry for some reason so I'd invite anyone so moved to add verses. #1: Tune = I Didn't raise my boy to be a soldier (Lyrics by the office prude, Miss Grundy)
I didn't take this job to be a stripper
It's of a poor accountant, a story I will tell
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Deda Date: 24 Dec 01 - 11:58 AM PS "I didn't raise my boy to be a soldier is in the DT". I tried to do a link but I made some error, no doubt. Is there an elf who could link it? I realize that the elves of the world are terribly busy just now. ;o) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 24 Dec 01 - 02:47 PM I wasn't gonna do any more of these till after Christmas, but this one came to me while I was in the process of waking up this morning, and I couldn't get it out of my head. I've forgotten about the lawyers in this one, just focusing on the original advertising proposal. Sonja P.S., If anyone wants to add more "name choruses," be my guest. Fifty Ways To Scan Your Booty (or Fifty Ways To Scan Uncovered) Some words ripped off and others thoroughly distorted from Paul Simon, by Sonja W. Oates. (Sorry, Paul) "The bottom line is how you make your ad", said Melanie, "The answer is easy if you take your cue from me. I'd like to help you in your marketing, you see-- There must be fifty ways to scan uncovered. "Just slip off your shorts, Schwarts; make a new scan, McCann; Lower your drawers, Doris, set your soul free! Get up there and squat, Scott; there's no need to blush, Rush! Just strip to the knee, Lee (and try not to pee)!" She said "It's us'lly not my habit to pose nude; But done for dear old Virgin's sake, it's really not so crude. So I repeat myself-- this is no place for prudes! There must be fifty ways to scan your booty, fifty ways to scan your booty. "Just hop on the screen, Jean (Try not to pass gas, lass); Show us you're a boy, Roy, just follow my lead; Just copy your crack, Jack,--No, ye dinna look fat, Pat-- Just straddle the glass, Cass (and fax one to me!)." Said Melanie "It thrills me that you've little fear or shame--. It's the least that we can do to up Sir Richard's market gain." Said Richard, "It might work, but won't you demonstrate again the fifty ways to scan uncovered?" She said, "Why don't we--all of us--just sit on it tonight?" I believe that with a few more rounds, we'll all be less up tight." And then she showed us how, and I saw that she was right-- There must be fifty ways to scan uncovered, fifty ways to scan uncovered. "Just flash us your jewels, O'Toole; Xerox your box, Ms. Rox; Uncover your cheeks, Geeks (and try not to squirm). Hop on the pane, Jane; Give us a show, Joe; Give us a thrill, Will (It's all for the firm). "Just share what you got, Scott; how far can you spread, Ned?; Don't be a prude, Jude (nobody will see [wink, wink]) Just show us your tricks, Dick; It's like riding a bike, Mike; Don't break the machine, Christine! (Leave some toner for me!) (Repeat choruses ad nauseum.) P.S., Deda, I like your "starts!" I have a few titles and hook lines that I've been toying with, too, but probably won't spend any more time on, so here are some songs ripe for this parody: "Wreck Your Balls Upon the Copier" "Let it show!" Let It Show! Let It Show!" "I'm Sittin' On Top Of the 'Rox," "Sittin' On The Copy Machine (Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay)" "Bare-Bottom Browsers"
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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 25 Dec 01 - 11:34 PM Derrymasch, I don't know how I managed to miss your "Ducks of Magheralin" take-off the first time around, but having finally read it, I am ROTFLMAO! Genie P.S., Your really are out of your mind, but what a marvelous mind to be out of! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: GUEST,Sonja Date: 26 Dec 01 - 12:02 AM Mudself, can you help me fix a couple of lines in my songs? In the song "Oh, What A Wild Office Party," please change "The porn is astounding--some elephant size," to "The porn is as high as a elephant's thigh." Also, in the next to last chorus of "Fifty Ways to Scan Uncovered," please change "Ms. Cox" to "Rox." Thanks, Sonja (Done - a mudelf) |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Aidan Crossey Date: 26 Dec 01 - 05:30 AM Such high praise ... makes the real world seem so mundane! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 26 Dec 01 - 05:24 PM That's the rub, i'n'nit, derry ?-- the real world can't hold a candle to the joys of the Cat; but you can't download pizza!! |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 27 Dec 01 - 11:51 PM Áine, I didn't expect you to be gone so long when you posted the note about the trip to Dallas. I hope everything's all right and that you haven't visited the challenge site since the 22nd because you're just too busy having fun in Dallas. Meanwhile, now that Santa's done his business in our chimneys for one year, so we can get back to creative writing, how about some more Mudcats giving our fearless leader some more poetry to read when she gets back? Genie |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 28 Dec 01 - 01:30 AM A´ine, darlin', What's up then, TGG? You okay? Let us hear from you, then....we miss your dulcet tones and minty sprinkles! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Barky Date: 28 Dec 01 - 01:52 AM Apparantly there's been much happening in my year or so of absence.... the quality of the Challenge!s and the Challenge!ers has much improved.. I'm enjoying this... May have to work myself up to the level of these songs. Just you wait, though... The great Barky has returned.... ;0) Hey y'all! ~Barky |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Barky Date: 28 Dec 01 - 02:01 AM For the first attempt in over a year: (to the tune of the Wicked Witch of the West's theme) No more Xeroxed bottoms! No more Xeroxed bottoms! *cackle cackle* ~Barky |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Barky Date: 28 Dec 01 - 12:06 PM Good Morning, America! ~Barky |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: MMario Date: 28 Dec 01 - 12:32 PM welcome bark barky! you've been missed. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 28 Dec 01 - 01:58 PM Genie, since you asked for more, This one is based upon....
BONEY FINGERS
See the bottom come down and the glass won't hold 'er
Oh the fuser needs replacing and there's no toner
Check out the output trays -Whadda ya get?
Yea! I've had a pretty ass as long as I remember
Its great to colate -Whadda ya get?
I don't like the exposure the copy lamp's too hot
Whe you try to cover liability -Whadda ya get? |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 28 Dec 01 - 02:58 PM Hey, Bark!! Welcome back!! A. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: GUEST,Arjay Date: 28 Dec 01 - 04:18 PM Following up on Sonja's introit of "Wreck Your Balls Upon the Copier," here's a modest submission (about an immodest practice). Arjay Rack Your Balls Rack your balls upon the copier; Fa la la la la La la la la See the flashing jewels before us. Fa la la la la La la la la Fast away th'enjoyment passeth. Fa la la la la La la la la (* or "screw-ed") |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Jack the Sailor Date: 28 Dec 01 - 04:39 PM Bravo RJ |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Amos Date: 28 Dec 01 - 06:24 PM Áine's jes' fine -- I talked to her -- it's just that she had to cook for twelve people AND read two big books she got for Xmas, and you know how these things go. AND tonight is young son's birthday. She'll be back right soon!! A |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 28 Dec 01 - 08:53 PM Jack, good job with your "Boney Asses!" Hoyt Axton, I'm sure, is rolling over in his grave laughing! Genie Amos, thanks for checking on our dear Áine for us. (We should all have such troubles!) Looking forward to your return, O Great Challenge! Generator, slinger of Cow Chips and B.L.O.B.s, and Supreme Judge! Genie P.S., By my count, this thread is far from beating the record (111 posts, I think) for a Song Challenge! You other Mudcatters, Áine's holiday break give you time to submit more doggere..., er, poetry. |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Áine Date: 02 Jan 02 - 07:19 PM Alrightey, Challenge!rs -- Here ya go, your belated Christmas pressies of Cow Chips and what-nots. Thanks so much for the past year's belly laughs and gut wrenching guffaws -- You all are GREAT!!! ;-) -- Áine
Winners of the Golden Cow Chip with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song): |
Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 77 From: Genie Date: 03 Jan 02 - 02:49 PM Welcome back, Áine! Thanks for the kudos (cow chips). I missed your B.L.O.B slinging, but glad to hear you got some good reading in. Hope your thumb's all right soon. Genie |
Subject: Song Challenge! Pt 77 - Virgin Christmas party From: Genie Date: 06 Dec 10 - 02:43 AM In the spirit of the holiday festivities, I refresh this wonderful Song Challenge! Many delightful new twists on old Christmas carols here, indeed! |
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