My song for our times

Subject: My song for our times
From: frogprince
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 01:40 AM

It's not great, but at least I got it off my chest

Subject: RE: My song for our times
From: alanabit
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 03:48 AM

It's a good idea for a song and I think you have carried off the first four verses well. I think it is weaker towards the end. You face the dilemna a writer always has in these songs. Do you offer an alternative? Or do you simply allow what you believe in to remain tacitly implied in the other verses? It is very difficult to get the tone for that right in a song without diluting the effect of the previous verses.
I like the song though. It's good to see people hitting back.

Subject: RE: My song for our times
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 11:48 AM

I'm kind of a socialist (quite different from a communist), atheist, humanist, tolerant, liberal person myself and found your song to be a bit disturbing. Which is probably what you were shooting for. There seems to be a lot of anger behind the lyrics and I'm not sure who you are angry with. If it were mine I would try to focus the lyrics more clearly to convey my ultimate message to the listeners. Thanks for sharing your song Dean. I always find original music worth examining.

Mike

PS: Some of my lyrics can be found at my lyrics page.   Feel free to critique them if you wish.

Subject: RE: My song for our times
From: kendall
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 12:41 PM

I am a Liberal, and a Socialist. I'm also a Unitarian.
Your song reminds me of a Monty Python film, there is something in it to offend everyone.
I applaud your effort and thank you for sharing. I don't think I could write a song like that, because I would have to make it as good as Dylan's "With God ON Our Side".Fat chance. eh?

Subject: RE: My song for our times
From: frogprince
Date: 11 Aug 07 - 08:51 PM

Truth be told, I shouldn't say the thing is written in actual anger. It's a combination of having some fun by, as Kendall noted, including "something in it to offend everyone", and venting a bit at the stereotyping/caricaturizing attacks on everybody, by everybody else.

Subject: RE: My song for our times
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 12 Aug 07 - 01:08 AM

I agree with Alaska Mike, I would appreciate a little more focus; the frustration at the stereotyping comes through, but it is mixed with other feelings and is not fully clear. Still, I love the idea and the first verses are very well carried indeed.

...and I have to smile, because in a sense it is a flip side to Billy Joel's "Angry Young Man". There the author has clearly given in, here he refuses to, but they are flip sides all the same I think.

Subject: RE: My song for our times
From: frogprince
Date: 13 Aug 07 - 07:15 PM

Okay, I did something unusual for me; I altered a song on the basis of you guys's advice. Did it help, or is the next reply "No, no, that's not what I meant at all"? (It's still at the original link up there).    : ) Anyhow, thanks for the input.
                                  Dean.

Subject: RE: My song for our times
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 14 Aug 07 - 05:27 AM

Much better, I get the sense of the song better now, Dean!

Subject: RE: My song for our times
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 14 Aug 07 - 09:58 AM

I agree with George, the addition at the end brings much more focus to the song.