Like a fart in an astronaut suit

Subject: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: the button
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 08:19 AM

I mentioned this in passing on another thread, but....

What have you done in a club, session or singaround that's gone down like the proverbial lead balloon/bacon sandwich at a bar mitzvah/and so on?

Mine was a rendition of Garageland by The Clash, accompanying myself on the melodeon. This was the mid-80s, so clearly the world wasn't ready yet. And quite possibly never will be.

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: Leadfingers
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 08:41 AM

Back in the Good Old Days , I went to the Star in Guildford looking for a booking ! At the time the Star was a VERY strong Trad club , and my Guitar accompanied Folk funnies were NOT what the Audience wanted ! Flying like a lead budgie wasnt in it ! LOL

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: Rog Peek
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 09:32 AM

Boxing Day a couple of years ago we had the family round, and as usual, I was called upon to sing a few songs. One of the songs I sang was 'Last Thing On My Mind', which would have been ok except one of our nephew's wife had left him a few weeks before. The line 'You had reasons a-plenty for goin' went down like a lead balloon, mainly because she did, and everyone knew it.

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: mrmoe
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 09:46 AM

.....ah, like a fart in a scuba tank.....some years ago I was working in a vocal group and there was a comedian opening for us.....he had a very funny routine about booking agents and managers.....contending that every successful act had one....he then did a rendition of Jesus Christ's booking agent attempting to sell som pretty shakey appearances to his client.....it was an intimate club with a very receptive crowd - except for one table.....seems one guy at this table had just been ordained.....he was not offended, but some of his friends took it upon themselves to be offended on his behalf.....the story was told just about as reverently as a good catholic comedian could tell it, but the fart in the scuba tank was unavoidable....

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: Greg B
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 10:01 AM

The Reverend probably enjoyed it--- most Catholic Clergy I know
hold 'The Life of Brian' in as much regard as regular guys hold
'Animal House.'

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: the button
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 10:44 AM

This is true. I was a Jesuit for 5 years (long story) and I must've watched LoB at least once a month the whole time.

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: GUEST,Don Firth
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 02:33 PM

Maybe it depends a bit on the peculiar sensitivity of the schnozzolas (schnozzolae?) involved.

One song I learned early on, I learned from a Lead Belly record, and someone who knew Lead Belly quite well showed my some stuff about the way Lead Belly accompanied the song. So I incorporated this and was rather proud of the accomplishment. I sang the song for years.

But then, I started getting large rations of grief from the "P.C. police." The song was Black Girl, or In the Pines:

Black girl, black girl, don't lie to me,
Tell me, where did you sleep last?
In the pines, in the pines where the sun never shines,
And I shivered when the cold winds blow.

Then it describes how her husband was killed in a railroad accident, and goes on from there. Tragic and a little bleak, like many songs and ballads are, and it's most sympathetic to the female protagonist of the song.

I sang the song for a number of years, then in the mid-1960s, whenever I sang it, there would always be someone who seemed to think the song was racist and/or sexist, or both, and take me to task (me, a white guy of Scottish/Swedish ancestry) for singing it. I think that all they heard was "Black girl," and didn't really listen to the song.

In the meantime, all sorts of people have come up with things like "Little girl" or "My girl"—anything to avoid the word "black." Well, now, I think that that is racist!

I'm not gonna do that!   So I wimped out and just dropped it from my repertoire.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: goatfell
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 02:51 PM

why Don,
it's them that sing little girl/my girl to avoid the word black, they are the ones with the problem not you, you sing Black girl if you want and those that don't like it well tough, it's a part of the song.

as I say that's they're problem and not yours.

mind you I have quite a lot of farts in scuba suits and yet I say well they didn't like that one but I did.

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: GUEST,Don Firth
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 03:03 PM

Thanks, Arran! I think I'll just resurrect the song and go ahead and sing it. It's one helluva good song!

And if anyone gives me any grief, I'll just give 'em a good hosing down. After all, as you say, it's their hang-up, not mine.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: SussexCarole
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 03:31 PM

The venue for Gower folk club's Christmas party had been double booked. When we got there a local equestrian society were eating dinner and appeared to want to sit out the evening at the tables.   Mari Lwyd was with us so she went visiting each table in turn to chat - strange how they left so soon.

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: Anne Lister
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 06:53 PM

Two occasions come to mind from my days as half of Anonyma. First was a gig booked in Bognor, at the Leisure Centre. What no one had realised at the time was that the gig, on a Sunday night, coincided with the last night of a Clowns' Convention, so the bar was full of tired and emotional clowns ... not the perfect audience for our repertoire of emotionally hard-hitting songs ....

And the second was when we were on stage somewhere near Norfolk, Virginia, in 1987. Mary started to talk about how we'd just sung at the folk festival stage which was right by the Chesapeake and some dolphins had come up river, apparently to hear us. Good enough (and true) anecdote, but Mary persisted in saying that the dolphins had come upriver "for the craic". Which is fine in written form, but when spoken to a mainly non-Irish audience, at a time when there was a lot of media fuss about drugs, meant that there was a deathly silence where we'd been expecting nods and smiles ....

Anne

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: Compton
Date: 02 Sep 07 - 08:25 PM

In space, no one can hear you fart!!

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: Betsy
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 07:53 AM

OK compton let's say like a Turd in a sleeping bag.
Here's my contribution ...

I was (supposedly) warming up the audience (all standing) for Diz Disley at Kirlevington Country Club. To try to date the event, and set the scene - the car park was full of frog-eyed Austin Healey Sprites, when would THAT be ?. Anyway the audience were totally at odds / a mismatch for what they were about to receive from either me, or, Diz.
They were rude and disinterested, as the stage was not set up for a Clapton–like guitarist which I believe they were expecting to see.
I started my set , a varied each song to the previous one , trying to get through to the audience, a good chorus , a humorous song , a bit of this and a bit of that , a bit of patter all to no avail , no reaction at the end of any song , not a polite embarrassed clap from anyone .
I decided to finish after about 30 minutes and before getting off stage I said what a lovely audience the had been and to show my appreciation I took the mike out its' stand , and farted loud and clearly in it.
As I walked off the front of the stage (there was no back-stage as such) and was putting my guitar away a few males jumped on me claiming I had insulted them. Fortunately all the bouncers were good mates of mine Tess, Mazza and the rest , and we gave them a good slapping and threw them out.
Diz came on later, did a brilliant set – he was at his absolute peak - marvellous.
The "audience" hardly knew he was there – total disinterest from 99% of them.

Cheers

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: Dame Pattie Smith EPNS
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 09:35 AM

When Mick and I played in Belgium years ago we were then billed as Mick Tems and Pattie Smith. We had a huge audience - of punks! They very soon left when they discovered I was the wrong Pattie Smith. That was when the name Calennig was born. We thought it was an easy name to say, spell and remember but apparently only in Wales..........

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: Peace
Date: 08 Sep 07 - 11:51 AM

Sang about six anti-war songs at a military college. However, I pulled off a save at the last minute by telling the story about a statue of a pigeon in the park and how all the generals came from miles around to, well, you know.

Subject: RE: Like a fart in an astronaut suit
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Sep 07 - 02:43 AM

Interesting that the links below are for 'folk music' and 'fart noises'... how often the two go together!

Not on the folk scene, but in church for a special Saturday service, the Annual Regional Conference of the British Legion (British Legion is a bit like the Veteran's Association, it looks after old soldiers and their families, has social clubs and regular gatherings). This conference consisted of a morning of meetings, the church service in the afternoon followed by a parade through the town and formal dinner, involving about 300 representatives with around 100 Colours (the Colour is the Regimental or Area flag, presented by the monarch of the day), all former Military personel, most of whom had seen active service during WWII and even a couple who were involved in WWI.

We were asked to sing the hymn 'Glorious things of Thee are spoken', which, in 'Hymns Ancient and Modern' has two tunes set to it. The usual tune is 'Abbots Leigh' by C V Taylor, a soaring, majestic tune, guaranteed to make every British heart swell with jingoistic pride. Regretably, our organist, being more interested in the cricket scores on his radio headphones, chose the alternative tune. This is also a stirring, majestic but somewhat martial melody by Haydn, known as 'Austria'.



What's the last tune in the world that a former Belsen PoW wants to hear?


To say it was an unpopular choice is an understatement. The silence from the body of the church was not merely palpable, it was sentient! The choir gamely sang on alone but if looks could kill, there would have been auditions for a new choir the following day.

The rest of the service sort of faltered on after that, with a lack-lustre air, until it came for the blessing of the Colours and their march out and into the town. Because there were many more than expected, it took some 20+ minutes to hand each back to the Colour Party, take the salute and form parade in the body of the church. Predictably, the organist ran out of his chosen voluntary and decided to improvise. He chose a rather popular march written by Eric Coates for a film. Well... what had been a limp and apathetic gathering suddenly snapped to and became the pride of the British Army - Colours were held erect (to the detriment of at least one hanging lampshade), shoulders went back, chests swelled, medals jingled and the whole parade marched as one man out of the church and down the street where the local Regimental band had to play quick time to keep up with them.

Amazing the effect that the wrong tune in the wrong place can have, but not so dramatic as the right tune in the right place!

LTS