Lyr Req: The Trouble with Women (O Nash/K Weil)

Subject: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: Susan A-R
Date: 08 Jan 08 - 10:59 AM

A friend of mine sang a fragment of this to me and I just gotta know the rest. Any help here?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: Peace
Date: 08 Jan 08 - 11:11 AM

Found the following, but it didn't help much. Short of time. Will try later.

"Quickly, there is another striking proto-Feminist moment in the show (at least one more, in my poor memory) that I feel the need to mention and it occurs in a rather saucy song called "The Trouble with Women," a number sung by men about their frustrations with the fairer sex. That moment is the final line of the song which states remarkably: "The trouble with women... is men." Boy, is it ever."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: Peace
Date: 08 Jan 08 - 01:39 PM

'One Touch of Venus top of page
Universal, 1948, B/W, 81 minutes, ***

Delightful fable about a department store statue of Venus that's brought to life by a window dresser's kiss. Ava Gardner is radiant as the goddess of romance, who returns to spread love throughout the world. Co-stars Robert Walker, Dick Haymes, Eve Arden. The Ogden Nash/Kurt Weill songs include "Speak Low" and "The Trouble with Women."'

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: M.Ted
Date: 08 Jan 08 - 02:44 PM

From the musical of the same name: One Touch of Venus I've got the lyrics in a drawer somewhere--no time to look today though--

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: Peace
Date: 09 Jan 08 - 10:18 AM

Refresh

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: Susan A-R
Date: 09 Jan 08 - 10:57 PM

Refresh

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: M.Ted
Date: 09 Jan 08 - 11:31 PM

I'm looking!!!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Jan 08 - 01:35 AM

Here are some excerpts that I gleaned from sound samples and from quotes found on the Internet:

VERSE: I once loved a girl out in Flatbush.
She was a picture of beauty and grace,
But she thought kittens came from a cat bush,
And she never had heard of her space(?),
So I travel no longer to Flatbush,
Though the girl is both wealthy and pure,
For whenever I tried my desires to confide,
Her mind was upon her coiffure.

CHORUS: Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women:
They soften your heart till it melts,
And then at the critical moment,
They are thinking about something else.

VERSE: One weekend I rented a Packard
For a maiden of whom I was fond.
Her lips and her toenails were lacquered,…

CHORUS: Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women,
I repeat it again and again:
From Kalamazoo to Kamchatka,
The trouble with women is—men.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: GUEST,S.B.
Date: 22 Jul 10 - 07:27 PM

1st verse
And she never had heard of first base.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 25 Jul 10 - 01:38 AM

From a review in Life magazine, Oct. 25, 1943:

"The Trouble with Women," a barbershop ballad, is sung by Teddy Hart, Harry Clark, John Boles and Kenny Baker. It is one of the show's ["One Touch of Venus"] most wildly applauded numbers. In it, lyrist Ogden Nash observes that the trouble with women is men." [Music by Kurt Weil.]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Jul 10 - 02:23 AM

Ha. I can't get the link to 'take' so here is the link where I found what they call the "last verse" of the Trouble lyrics: http://emsworth.wordpress.com/2010/05/28/one-touch-of-venus-at-the-shaw-festival/


When I drove in my glamorous Chevy

I would park in a suitable spot

Then I'd turn to the girls like a heavy

And inquire if they would or would not

I always implied that they had to

But, oh jiminies, was I perplexed

On the night that one said she'd be glad to

I didn't know what to do next

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: MAG
Date: 25 Jul 10 - 11:35 AM

and we all know what "they had to" implies.

o for a world full of fat happy women. (Sylvia)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 25 Jul 10 - 01:15 PM

Nash apparently was fond of the title.
Hence:

THE TROUBLE WITH WOMEN IS MEN

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches
          the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus,
Particularly on those occasions when between the humidity and
          the mosquitoes your own bed is no longer in bed, but
          an insomnibus,
And if you turn on the light for a little reading he is sensitive to
          the faintest gleam,
But if by any chance you are asleep and he wakeful, he is not slow
          to rouse you with complaint that he cant close his eyes,
          what about slipping downstairs and freezing him a cooling
          dish of pistachio ice cream.
His touch with a bottle opener is sure,
But he cannot help you get a tight dress over your head without
          catching three hooks and a button in your coiffure.
Nor can he so much as wash his ears without leaving an inch of
          water on the bathroom linoleum,
But if you mention it you evoke not a promise to splash no more
          but a mood of deep melancholium.
Indeed, each time he transgresses your chance of correcting his
          faults grows lesser,
Because he produces either a maddeningly logical explanation or
          a look of martyrdom which leaves you instead of him
          feeling the remorse of the transgressor.
Such are husbandly foibles, but there are moments when a foible
          ceases to be foible.
Next time you ask for a glass of water and when he brings it you
          have a needle almost threaded and instead of setting it down
          he stands there holding it out to you, just kick him fairly hard
          in the stomach, you will find it thoroughly enjoible.

~ Ogden Nash

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 25 Jul 10 - 01:30 PM

From the Russian immigrant taxi-driver who drove me around yesterday-

Wives live longer than men. The nursing homes are full of them. The reason wives live longer than their husbands?    They don't have wives.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble With Women is Men
From: GUEST,ologist
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 12:33 PM

Why wives live longer than husbands:

men tend to marry women younger than themselves
women smoke less and 'use' less
women have less tendency towards violence
women are more likely to see a doctor if they sense something wrong

(I once saw a study in Science News which said that if we correct for smoking and violent tendencies, women live no longer than men.)

=========
thanks to all who posted these clever lyrics.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE TROUBLE WITH WOMEN (O Nash/K Weil)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Jul 10 - 03:51 PM

I think I've got the whole song now, extracted, using considerable hocus-pocus, from Google:


THE TROUBLE WITH WOMEN
Words, Ogden Nash. Music, Kurt Weil.
From the musical play "One Touch of Venus," 1943.

1. I once loved a girl out in Flatbush,
A picture of beauty and grace;
But she thought kittens came from a catbush,
And she never had heard of first base.
I travel no longer to Flatbush,
Though the girl is both wealthy and pure,
For whenever I tried my desires to confide
Her mind was upon her coiffure.

CHORUS: Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women,
They soften your heart till it melts,
And then at the critical moment
They are thinking about something else.

2. As a student my life was Parisian.
I languished, a captive of sex.
When specks interfered with my vision,
They were lovely, voluptuous specks.
I toiled on a farm tilling soybeans,
In a struggle to chasten my brain,
But the girl beans got in with the boy beans,
And I never struggled again.

CHORUS: Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women,
You think you have left them behind,
You frolic in physical freedom,
And then they turn up on your mind.

3. The reason each day I grow frailer,
Is that I'm trapped in a one-way romance
With a lady who lives in a trailer,
With some devil-may-care debutantes.
Her love for her kin is exquisite.
She entertains uncles galore,
But whenever I pay her a visit
Them uncles won't open the door.

CHORUS: Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women,
I fear that their life is a lie.
While they stall you with maidenly murmurs
They are romping with some other guy.

4. When I drove in my glamorous Chevy
I would park in a suitable spot,
Then I'd turn to the girls like a heavy,
And inquire if they would, or would not.
I always implied that they had to,
But, oh Jimminies, was I perplexed.
On the night that one said she'd be glad to—
I didn't know what to do next.

CHORUS: Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women,
They are either too cold or too warm.
Yes, they're either in flight or insatiable.
Oh, God give me strength to ignor'm.

5. One weekend I rented a Packard
For a maiden of whom I was fond.
Her lips and her toenails were lacquered
And I think she was technically blond.
Her defenses had started to crumble,
I was bursting with masculine pride,
When up spoke a voice from the rumble—
Her mother had stolen a ride.

CHORUS: Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women,
They are constantly one jump ahead.
You touch what you think is a bosom,
And you find it's an eight-ball instead.

6. The reason I moan in my slumber
Is that I'm subject to female rebuffs,
Or if I make a note of a number,
The laundry erases my cuffs.
If I droop like a lily in sadness,
The diagnosis is easy to see,
Every woman has moments of madness,
But never, no never with me.

CHORUS: Oh, the trouble, the trouble with women,
I repeat it again and again,
From Kalamazoo to Kamchatka,
The trouble with women is—men.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble with Women (O Nash/K Weil)
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 28 Jul 10 - 10:15 AM

Thanx Jim.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Trouble with Women (O Nash/K Weil)
From: GUEST,Nick Scarborough
Date: 28 Jul 10 - 01:33 PM

the lyrics to this song "the trouble with women" is used in the Pickwick papers musical, father/son duet sam and tony weller, sung in a cockney style and is true genius, I am currently learning this for a boston operatic society version of the musical due on end of Nov 2010.