harriWattsband in Howden By-Election

Subject: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 05:23 AM

harriWattsband will be standing in the Haltemprice & Howden by-election along with the 26 other candidates and reprobates.

Our policy and propaganda campaign will include the following:

Keep Music Live
Free peanut butter
Extended life expectancy for all
Real ale in ALL pubs
More peanut butter
Marmite and or veggie-mite as appropriate
All swimming pools to be made longer wider and warmer
Two hundred holiday days a year

Any further suggestions please feel free to comment and we will do our best to oblige when we are in power………….

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Gedpipes
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 05:55 AM

Actually thats a nonsense response Guest with no name.
Its a fundamentally important issue. Its about civil liberties in general and holding people without trial for up to 42 days in particular

Whilst no Tory I support Davis totally on this. Its a shame that he didn't take it further and resign from his party and stand as an independent.
Ged

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 06:16 AM

Over the last few days I've been inundated with manifestos from people talking a compete load of bollocks and frequently barely able to spell their own names. Whilst I don't agree with the 42 day detention, to suggest that David Davis is a defender of freedom is laughable. He's as ego-maniac whose prime motive is defending the wealthy, over-privileged landowners. If he thought there was the least possibility of not being re-elected, there's no way he would be taking this action.

Of course the whole thing is a complete waste of time and money and I was going to abstain from voting in protest. However, as the Green Party are putting up a candidate, I'll show my support and, as usual, will vote for them.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 06:18 AM

I was, however, thinking of having a big banner made to put outside my house (which is right opposite a polling station) saying DON'T VOTE FOR THE APATHY PARTY.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Rasener
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 06:48 AM

Vote for the Watti Band.

Here are a few you can add Dave.

All people above 50 are retired on full pension.

Police given power to lock all yobbo's up and throw away the keys, unless they join the army for 10 years.

Free season tickets for Hull Football Club, for all people living in Hull who were genuinly born there.

No toll on the Humber Bridge for people living in Lincolnshire, Yorkshire and Nottinghamshire.

Shanty Jack made Mayor of Hull

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Les from Hull
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:05 AM

We don't have a Mayor of Hull. We have a Lord Mayor of Hull. He or she also has the courtesy title of Admiral of the Humber. So Jack would be good at that as well!

Les from Hull
Pretender to the Throne of Hull

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: GUEST,Geoff the Duck
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:16 AM

"harriWattsband will be standing"
I thought they just slumped in a corner!
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Rasener
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:15 AM

Shanty Jack, Lord Mayor of Hull and Admiral of The Humber

Sounds good to me :-)

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 10:20 AM

We are looking forward to swearing the obligatory allegiance to the Queen before we take our seat....The Queen

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 06:00 PM

Have you won yet?
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 06:01 PM

When I was a Boar's Head Morrisman in Bradford, it used to be "The Queen! And all who drink in her".
Quack!
GtD.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 04:20 AM

Hi Geoff

We have not won as yet but we are on the erection trail today with John Prescott. Hes bringing his left hook for some reason - didnt even know he was into fishing!!

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Rasener
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 04:26 AM

Make sure you use that stiff and upright approach SL, or should I have said "Stiff upper lip"

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 04:34 AM

Erectioneering again this morning in the rain. 75 very interesting candidates on the prowl. Looking forward to a rise - 2.5% pay rise that is. The second home needs decorating cant wait to get our hands on the dosh!

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 09:31 AM

Don't mention our Mugabi influences Dafid..................oh shit................

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 04:27 AM

Well its tomorrow - so wish us lots of luck. Weve had lots of fun with our fellow candidates. David Crikey Ikey what a jolly man and Miss Great Britain excellent line-up.....BUT alas their can be only one winner and that will be us so vote vote vote.

We have beeen round many doors and touched many knockers over the last week.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 09 Jul 08 - 04:56 AM

Well, no-one's knocked on my door yet. Had some really interesting leaflets through though, which were very useful when we ran out of bog roll. Only funny moment so far was when the dog got out while someone was stuffing a David Davis leaflet in the letterbox - they're quite fast on their feet, these conservatives. Anyway, should be amusing tomorrow as my house is only a few feet from the polling station. Now, who's going to get my vote..........?

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 04:20 AM

Hi theleveller hope your dog did not loose its "deposit" on David Davis

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 05:42 AM

No, my dog wouldn't piss in his ear if his brains were on fire.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 05:57 AM

LOL.......

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Stu
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 07:21 AM

erm, can I add Bovril to the marmite and Vegimite list. I love a cup of hot Bov, or spread on toast.

Also, a ban on shakey eggs in sessions.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Rasener
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 07:31 AM

>>Also, a ban on shakey eggs in sessions<<

and kazoo's, banjos and bodhrans,

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 07:38 AM

Consider them added our electorate friends – now where should I be today.......

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: GUEST,John Prescott
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 08:31 AM

A list of all the candidates on this wonderful occasion of British politics at its best:

* Grace Christine Astley, Independent
* David Laurence Bishop, Church of The Militant Elvis Party and
painter, decorator, artist and poet.
* Ronnie Carroll, Make Politicians History Ronnie Carroll is a
former Eurovision Song Contest singer.
* Mad Cow-Girl, The Official Monster Raving Loony Party
* David Craig, Independent
* Herbert Winford Crossman, Independent
* harriWattsband, keep music live & marmite chip butties
* Hamish Howitt, Freedom 4 Choice pub owner who was fined for not
enforcing the smoking ban.
* Gemma Dawn Garrett, Miss Great Britain Party
* David Icke, No party given til the fat lady sings new age
philosopher
* Tess Culnane, National Front British for the British
* Thomas Faithful Darwood, Independent
* David Michael Davis, Conservative Party
* Tony Farnon, Independent
* Eamonn Fitzy Fitzpatrick, Independent
* Christopher Mark Foren, Independent
* George Hargreaves, Christian Party
* John Nicholson, Independent
* Shan Oakes, Green Party
* David Pinder, The New Party
* Joanne Robinson, English Democrats - Putting England First
* Jill Saward, Independent
* Norman Scarth, Independent
* Walter Edward Sweeney, Independent
* Christopher John Talbot, Socialist Equality Party.
* John Randle Upex, Independent
* Greg Wood, Independent

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 09:10 AM

My vote is available to the highest bidder.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 09:19 AM

theleveller, harriWattsband will accept that bribe sorry offer, how about bag of pork scratchings, jar of marmite, CD, bog roll, tin of dog food and jelly tots?

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 10:02 AM

Best offer I've had all day - or likely to get! Just be outsdie Wressle polling station with a brown paper bag (for me to throw up in having consumed said 'offer')at 7.30pm.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 10:12 AM

Mrsleveller doesn't like pork scratchings, she says can she have marmite crisps instead? The dog wants your promise to introduce National Bum-Sniffing Day if you get elected.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:03 AM

Its a deal - Marmite crisps on order for Mrs Leveller and our pledge to introduce National Bum-Sniffing Day (could be very interesting) when we get elected...see you at 7.30

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:28 AM

Forget the crisps mrsleveller's already voted for Mad Cow-Girl (she's going to ask if she can have another go).

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Rasener
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:35 AM

Now thats an idea Dave.
Just think, everytime you do a gig and instead of trying to sell CD's at £10 a shot, you could sell a smell of all the harriWatts Band bums for a tenner instead. No hard work producing CD;s. Just a quick shower and splash of talc around the rear end before each gig, so as not to put people off.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 11:41 AM

Yup, they've let her vote again - in fact, they gave her a handful of ballot papers to fill in. I don't think people are taking this election very seriously.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 12:14 PM

"I don't think people are taking this election very seriously."

Thats a great shame we have put our hearts and souls into this election..... weve even agreed to bunk up in one mansion in London when we get elected to save costs, Soho hear we come!

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 10 Jul 08 - 02:54 PM

Look, I couldn't find you name on the voting slip (slip? I've seen smaller bedsheets than that!) so I wrote it in at the bottom. I'm sure that'll be alright. Will I be invited to the celebrations when you win?

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Rasener
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 03:13 AM

Well Dave you did very well. You did better that Ronnie Carroll, who was desperate not to get any votes. Looks like you succeded in that.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 03:23 AM

I've heard that the election is going to be declared null and void because of the attempts of one candidate to bribe electors (anyway, where are my pork scratchings?).

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: GUEST,Chief Constable of Humberside
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 04:49 AM

WANTED - harriWattsband to help us with our enquiries into possible electoral vote rigging and the theft of pork scratchings from a local shop.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Hand-Pulled Boy
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 06:05 AM

Where's our getaway driver....................................

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 06:31 AM

We are writing this from our police cell, nice of them to lend us a laptop. We will be out in 42 days.......

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 07:35 AM

I have left the country and am posting this from a beach bar in Buenos Aires. I asked for pork scratchings and they brought me a pig with fleas. Wonder what I'll get when I ask for a pint of Black Sheep?

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 10:19 AM

Cheers here's the Black Sheep Please note it is brewed with many generous handfuls!!! the mind boggles

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: theleveller
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 10:22 AM

I do like a generous handful.

Subject: RE: harriWattsband in Howden By-Election
From: GUEST,Greycap
Date: 11 Jul 08 - 11:53 AM

I see a politician won, surprise, surprise........
The taxpayer's £220,000 was well spent.