Worst gig ever.

Subject: Worst gig ever.
From: Jayto
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 10:34 AM

If you have performed ever you've had them. What was your worst gig ever. This could get funny.

For me the worst gig was actually a recording session. It was in the United Artist building in Nashville Tennesse. I arrived early so me and the engineer could get everything ready. The owner of the studio and his regular staff were all out of town. It was a Sunday we had scheduled it this way because I got a cut rate for the "artist" if that is what I must refer to them as lol. When I arrived the studio was locked. I asked the engineer for the key and he just looked at me with a blank stare. I knew that look was not good. I called the owner after both of us failed to produce a key. The owner was on the road and was somewhere in Mississippi he said to call his GM. I called the GM but he was in Kansas or somewhere on a gig as well. I thought for a second and looked around. The ceiling was one of those drop false ceilings and in the bathroom (after removing a tile and climbing up on top of the toilet) I found you could crawl over to the ceiling above the studio. So you guessed it here I went up above the urinal and through the ceiling. I worked my way through the ceiling and into the studio on the other side. I am so happy I remembered the code to shut off the alarm to the studio. As soon as I popped out of the ceiling on the studio side the alarm started blaring. I quickly ran to the alarm and typed in the code. I then proceeded to let my engineer in. About an hour and a half later (later than they were suppose to be) the "artist", her husband, and sister arrived in grand fashion. The "artist" and her sister were so drunk they could hardly walk. The "artist"'s husband was infuriated beyond belief thanks to a mysterious phone call to the "artist" by an unknown male....uh.....fan shall I say. We had everything set up and ready to go a nice Sunday session in good ol' Music City. I positioned the "artist" in the vocal booth, cued the music (we had already had the music finished just needing the master vocals), and was ready for the "Masterpeice". The "Artist"'s husband, sister, the engineer, and myself were poised in the control room ready to take that next step in an odd musical journey. As soon as it came time for her vocals to begin all I heard was crying. We stopped the tape and the "artist" was in the vocal booth crying like you would not believe. Her sister jumped up and said "I'm gonna go talk to her. She gets emotional." . Just as the "Artist"'s sister walks in the vocal booth a phone call breaks the awkward silence. The "artist"'s husband answers and it was yet another adoring unknown male .... uh ... fan. Before his head hit the fake ceiling I had turned into my entrance I heard 2 people crying in the vocal booth. The "Artist" and her sister were both sitting in the floor crying hysterically. Neither of them knew that while they were sobbing the husband of the "artist" was in the control room screaming at the top of his lungs at an unknown male ...uh..fan. After all of this we managed to record 2 songs that day before the building caught on fire. Yes I am not lying the freaking building caught on fire. I stepped out to grab a cigarette and noticed smoke rolling out from underneath a door at the far end of the hall. I walked down there and looked in through the mail slot and the room was filled with smoke. I walked back to the studio and told the engineer he called maintenence (who knows why I think fire department was more appropriate) who then called the fire dept. who then called channel 5 news and we were evacuated. No damage just alot of smoke from the melting of electrical wiring. Yep it was crazy.
So tell me what was your worst?

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: john f weldon
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 11:41 AM

Not a singing gig, but while I was presenting my films in Calgary, someone committed suicide.   Legend has it that my films were the cause, but actually he was not part of the audience. Still, a definite wet blanket on the presentation.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: PoppaGator
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 12:06 PM

I love how you put "artist" in quotes throughout; makes me want to know more. Like, how did this person rate being recorded in a real professional Nashville studio setting? Yeah, I understand you arranged for the reduced weekend rate and such, setting yourselves up for this unusual adventure, but still...

I mean, no one has ever broken into Uited Artists to record me! And I'm usually sober, or at worst a well-behaved drunk.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Jayto
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 12:26 PM

What's sad is there is more alot more lol. The "artist"'s husband didn't like the engineer and freaked the engineer out. The husband kept trying to start arguments with the engineer (projectional because he was mad about the "fans" I guess). Everything Steve (the engineer) would recommend the husdband would shoot down and get smart about. I would recommend the same thing and he would be fine with it. Money was an issue because the husband was footing the bull I mean bill lol. The "artist" kept drinking and so did her sister resulting in several moments that should have been on Girls Gone Wild. The sister turned out to be quite the exhibitionist when she was drinking. The "artist" kept taking squirts of Cloraseptic throat spray and eating Hall's cough drops totally paralyzing her vocal chords. Mix that with excessive shots of whiskey and beer she managed to produce a quite memorable vocal performance to say the least. As far as her rating on a professional setting lol she did not even make on the chart to be rated. I don' want to be mean spirited but she was the worst I have ever recorded. I have ran up against some bad ones in my time but with everything being considered she was the worst. If she wasn't such a personal train wreck it might not have been so bad. Considering all the drama mixed with her vocal performance she takes the prize for the worst. Alot of times people come in and nerves get the best of them. If you are a country singer Nashville can be intimidating to a new comer. So sometimes you have to expect to spend some time calming the artist down. Making them feel at ease and realize everyone there is just a person alot of them from small towns originally and all of them have faced the same jitters and self doubt at some point that the artist is facing right then and there. I could not do anything with this person though. In the end she was happy with her CD. Her husband sued the engineer over something to do with EMI not releasing 2 of the songs (Steve worked @ EMI and had reserved a few songs for her. She was told to record them quick before someone put them on hold. She took her time and when she released her CD she couldn't use the songs because a big artist had put them on hold). Her husband and her soon divorced when her fan club grew to new greater numbers. I got paid and never saw her again. I heard throught he grapevine (in her case fermented grapevine lol) about her divorce. All's well that end's well but in this case all's well that ends period. As far as breaking in hey I'm dedicated what can I say lol

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Jayto
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 12:43 PM

John that would put a damper on the presentation. What kind of film was it? Just out of curiosity I like film as well but hardly ever get to talk to filmmakers mostly just musicians.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: john f weldon
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 01:06 PM

Jayto -
A bunch of cartoons.   I'm an animator (mostly retired).
The venue was a glass-fronted store-front in a tiny mall. The guy was outside, through the glass. I only realized he'd actually done himself in when a car drove up with the word Coroner on it. Agh.

Still, the versions of this tale that get back to me are quite creative...
http://www.weldonalley.ca/

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: john f weldon
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 01:08 PM

Not really a gig either, but worth relating. A bunch of us were jamming out in the country, and for some reason started into a "howling" version of "The Rose". Some wild animal came right up to the screen door and started to howl along with us! Never determined the species.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,Howard Jones
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 02:47 PM

A dance gig in Yorkshire in winter - the band was based in the North West, across the Pennines. The day before the gig, North West England was swept with blizzards. The following day the situation was:

A & J are snowbound in a Welsh farm, together with some of the PA. They were able to walk out (with instruments but no PA), get to J's house by public transport and drive from there.

G & J are already in a different part of Yorkshire, with more of the PA, but no van, which has terminally broken down.

K's wife was 9 months pregnant, so he is going on the understanding that he might have to race off at any moment.

I set off with M, the female drummer (must be a song there) and the rest of the PA, not knowing whether the roads were passable, whether the all or any of others would get there (this was before mobile phones), or what we'd do for PA.

Amazingly, we all arrived on time. G had bought a new van. A had managed to hire the missing parts of the PA. Yorkshire was snow-free and no-one could believe the epic we'd had getting everyone there.

The local morris side, who were hosting the dance, insisted on practicing their set during our sound check.

The gig itself went well, although K kept disappearing to phone home. However the caller, a well-known musician who we'd not worked with before, exhausted our usually adequate range of tunes and we had to fall back on session favourites, mostly culled from his own album. He turned and gave us a Look when we started on the first of these.

When we came out afterwards, we found Yorkshire was enveloped in thick fog. We drove very slowly through the dark and fog, following the cats-eyes. When we eventually stopped at the motorway services on the M62 to meet up for a brew, K discovered his fan-belt was broken.

We left him trying to fix it, and struggled on through the fog. M and I eventually reached her place at about 5 am. I didn't even attempt to go any further, and stopped there, finally getting home mid-morning the following day.

Our fee was entirely swallowed up by the additional travelling expenses and the cost of hiring additional PA.

But we got a good story out of it.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Will Fly
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 02:57 PM

A chalet park, Rye (East Sussex), New Year's Eve 1993. Our rock'n roll trio had been booked to play there for a bunch of people from London. The park was normally closed, but had been specially opened for this group of - as it turned out - 30 people. We got there in thick fog, lugged the gear in to the clubhouse. No food. No decorations. No staff. No people.

Eventually a barman appeared and served drinks. Then the punters arrived . Turned out to be some of London's East Enders who just wanted to drink their way solidly through New Year for 2 days (this was before the UKs licensing laws became more liberal). We played. Every song in our repertoire, from 8.30pm to 1am in the morning, including "Aud Lang Syne" and all the usual New Year stuff. No response - no applause - no comment - no dancing - nothing. They just sat at their tables, drinking and chatting.

We finished and were told "the cheque will be in the post to your agent". So we drove home...

The cheque eventually rrived about 2 months later, when we learnt that, in order to have the place legally open and able to serve drinks, there had to be "entertainment" - we were the fall guys... We got £1,000 - a lot of money in those days - but vowed we'd never - NEVER - play New Year's Eve again. And I haven't since.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: olddude
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 03:12 PM

Once in College I was playing at this run down bar and strumming some old folk tune. The next thing I know this drunk walks over to one of the tables were the customers sat. Sitting there was this huge guy with his girl friend who was wearing a very small halter top. The drunk leans over and tells the girl she has the biggest ^&&*&^ he ever saw. The next thing I know the boyfriend throws the guy through the table spilling beer on the other people around him. This caused an all out bar fight. Right out of the blues brothers movie (remember the chicken wire stage). In the meantime I kept on strumming along dodging the flying beer bottles. As the drunks fell towards me I would give them a push back into the fight with my foot while still playing. I was paid 100 dollars US ... big money at the time. Probably because no one else was stupid enough to play in that place. I survived it but never went back again.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 04:11 PM

LOL Thank you all for these stories. They are great. I hope everyone posts something on this topic. I am really enjoying reading these responses. You know part of what makes them so funny is the fact that I can relate so much to them. I haven't been in the exact situations but I have to through very similar situations. Thank you all for sharing them.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 04:29 PM

I was playing my trumpet in an orchestral setting. The piece was Ravel's "Bolero" and for some reason known but to God the whole damned band, Director and all, got lost. We were playing the "dum diddly dum diddly dum diddly dum dum" part and we kept repeating the same notes over and over. Finally the first trumpet realized what was going on and with a fortissimo blast began the next section -- everyone woke up and continued as if nothing had happened.

Oddily enough, the audience never realized what had happened!

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Bee
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 10:32 PM

Keep 'em coming, please.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: olddude
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 10:52 PM

hmm I just typed this but somehow it didn't take so I will type it again.

About 20 years or so ago I was doing a concert in the park here in town. They have every wednesday in the summer someone playing or some group playing at the gazebo in town. Most of the people attending are quite elderly and don't hear very well which is a good thing for me. I always enjoyed playing there however, because I didn't have to dodge flying beer bottles. Well I remember playing a lightfoot song sitting in front of the mike when I noticed I left my guitar case for my Martin open on the lawn next to the stage. No problem I thought. Suddenly this little elderly lady came over, sat down in her lawn chair with her little dog. The little dog (weiner dog I think) walked up to my case, raised his leg and took a wizz into it. He was making a statement on my music I guess.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Peace
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 11:05 PM

I'll keep this short. I ended up in either Chicago or Detroit. Was doing a club gig, Friday and Saturday night. The taxi driver had never heard of either the club or the street. I phoned my manager at about 6:00 PM to find out what was going on. I was supposed to be in Philadelphia. So, I couldn't make the Friday night but was able to for Saturday. The audience was sparce--no, seven people would have been sparce. The audience was lean. I sang to the four or five of them and left town. I arrived back in New York. Mostly luck on my part. I was never allowed to book my own flights after that.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Aug 08 - 11:09 PM

There are some really good ones in This Old Thread, too.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,Texas Guest
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 03:04 AM

Maybe tonight. I was forced to perform standing underneath a 6X9 foot television screen showing the Olympics. Most of the people in the pub (yes, an Irish pub, not a sports bar) were staring at the screen behind me all night, which made it look like they were looking at me, but they were not. The applause was rather sparse except when some swimmer won a gold medal and the place went wild - in the middle of a song, of course; and, to make matters much worse, the owner kept coming up to me throughout the night telling me to turn down - I couldn't even hear myself on stage the audience was so damned loud.

After tonight my suspicions are confirmed - I'm a whore. I came to that conclusion a short time ago, and, though my wife does not concur, I am paying the price for making a living singing songs - I am nothing but a whore,...and right now a tired one. Cheers.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: eddie1
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 04:14 AM

Texas Guest, I can go along with the "whore" description but at least a whore (usually) gets paid. Seems to me that most of my "gigs from hell" have been freebies for good causes. I've lost count of the number of times I've been told I can sing while folks are attacking the food tables, while groups have been setting up on the stage behind me (including doing sound checks) or when the chairs were being cleared away for the dancing to follow.
Just about the worst was a fund-raising event for a local children's charity which turned out to be an indoor fleamarket. I was installed in a corner with no amplification and expected to sing for the full four hours of operation. The event was very poorly attended by the public so the first hour was actually not too bad. I finally drew the line at being presented with a hurriedly and very badly prepared banner which I was supposed to wear on my back while wandering through the local shopping mall! Had permission been sought from the management? "Well, no but they'll understand!"
Why did I feel so guilty at declining?
I'm inclined towards the philosophy that people don't appreciate what they get for free but to be honest, I've had some great gigs from which I came away feeling very enriched in other ways.
Then there was the St Patrick's Day gig in a strip bar in Jacksonville, Florida but that's another, and rather personal, story!

Eddie

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,Chaz Brewer
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 04:40 AM

From The Bragen Blogs ...

The character at pub gigs I find most irritating and at times frightening is the fellow who comes to face you out with the stance of a pit-bull terrier and says in a tone suggesting suspicion and aggression:

"WOT DOO YOO DOO THEN?"

I usually respond with the answer: "Oh you know , a bit of everything …some rock covers, some blues, reggae etc. But I'm just SETTING UP NOW so why don't you stick around and YOU'LL FIND OUT!"

This rarely appeases the chap with the bolt through his neck however as he wants more specific answers. "Don't yoo doo any f****n' Stevie Ray or Hendrix?" comes the incredulous reply.

"Well what sort of f****n' stuff DOO YOO DOO then ?" he continues.By this time you're hoping that he will be so unhappy with your programme for the evening that he will leave the building.

A female member of a pub "audience" asked me recently "DOO YOO DOO THE ONE I LIKE?". It's no use asking what epic piece of music this might be of course because she wouldn't know anyway.

Itinerant pub musos like myself also have to put up with the folks that walk up to you and shout a string of requests to your face as you're trying to sing something.It's like they just want to press a button and change the program on the juke box but can't as even after so many years of appalling gigs you still vaguely resemble a human being rather than a machine…

A young girl came up to me last week whilst I was in mid-song and insisted that I play some Dolly Parton.


I said "Listen, does it seem likely that I would sing Jolene or (worse still) He'll Come Again?" But she didn't understand at all and later, I overheard her saying to her boyfriend that she was amazed that I didn't play any "Dolly". She seemed to be suggesting that she didn't much like my manner either. Perhaps it was me telling her that I couldn't stand Johnny Cash that tipped the scales. Yes I know this is sacrilege to a lot of people but there we are. I just don't see what the fuss is all about. If I ever again hear "Ring of Fire" (a favourite after the curry house) or "A Boy Named Sue" it will be TOO SOON... but then I suppose I really shouldn't be so bitchy.

Some years ago my old friend and voluntary roadie Stewart Browne and I were playing a really grim gig called "The Eastgate Hotel" in Pembroke SW Wales. The first thing you noticed arriving at the rendered pink building was the brown stain emanating from the soil pipe that ran down the gable end. Getting inside we were greeted within seconds with the old "Wot doo yoo doo?" routine but it seemed to have a particular menace attached to it.   

"So wot f****n' time 'r' yoo startin' then?" the unshaven slob asked me.

The girl who was sitting next to him and his mate slumped over the table. He hit her round the face.

"Wot's up wiv yoo y' f****n' cow?" he bawled.

We tried to pretend we weren't there but he continued:

"'ope yer goin' t' play some decent f****n' stuff!"

"Maybe we ought to get out of here," I said to Stew.

But just then a man-mountain turned up from somewhere and hauled them out of the place. He kicked them out like he was chucking the garbage into the dust cart. It was a relief.

Stewart is probably the most unlikely-looking roadie in the business. He has a penchant for "loud" Hawaian shirts and white shoes. Looking as he did on this particular occasion, rather like a Columbian drug baron it wasn't that surprising when another rough looking character sidled up to him whilst I was playing and said:

"Does he do cocaine?"

"No he doesn't touch drugs", Stew replied a little testily.

" I'm not askin' if he USES the stuff , I'm askin' if he f****n' plays "Cocaine" by Eric Clapton" came the response.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,martin ellison
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 07:21 AM

Phone call: Can you play for a st patricks night?
ME: We're an English ceilidh band and specialize in English tunes
PC: can you play any irish music?
ME: no, that's not what we do
PC: are the dances irish?
ME: no, our caller also specializes in English dances
PC: what about songs?
ME: we don't do any songs, it's all English dance music
PC: Country & western?
ME: No sorry, all English traditional instrumental music
PC: OK we'll book you then

On the night:
"I thought you said you were an Irish showband . . .this isn't what we paid for at all"

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: john f weldon
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 09:56 AM

Once again, this tale doesn't exactly match the thread, but I think it matches the "spirit".

A Very Famous Film-maker came to town, and there was to be a talk and screening of his films. He did the sort of films everyone talks about but few have seen.
The theater was packed, 300-plus. He stood at the front & spoke for 15 minutes. He turned away to thunderous applause. The lights went down, his first film came on.
A half-hour later, it ended, the lights went up, he rose and turned, to an audience consisting of me and one other guy. 298 people had fled the godawful film! I'd been to polite to leave, dammit!
He pretended not to notice, and addressed some remarks to the somewhat embarrassed pair.
When the lights went down again, the other guy and I could stand it no more, and fled, leaving him alone with his film!

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,Texas Guest
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 11:11 AM

Martin Ellison - very good; yes, I've been there too. Cheers

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Will Fly
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 02:54 PM

Oh Martin - what a familiar story!

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,Bruce Michael Baillie
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 06:21 PM

...1984...The Brown Cow at Bramley in Leeds, West Yorkshire. If, at the end of the night I could have ordered a couple of RAF aircraft to fly in and strafe the place I fucking well would have done so unhesitatingly!
That particular night I (and two others, Ron Darnbrough and another chap whose name escapes me) had been booked to do a 'Folk night'in this God forsaken pub right in the middle of one of the rougher council house estates in Leeds. I'd driven over to Ron's house in my car and then we'd gone to pick up the other guy from where he lived in Leeds. We arrived at the pub and I could tell straight away what sort of do it was going to be. If I had driven to the gig in my own car I would have taken one look at the place and turned round and gone straight home and pretended that my car had broken down. But, I was locked in for the night. So we got out and started unloading the PA and getting the gear into the pub. The clientele were an assorted bunch of ragamuffins, skinheads, punks, layabouts and their slapper female counterparts. Loudmouthed and aggressive and determined to be obnoxious to what they saw as our 'intrusion' into their private space. They were throwing stuff at us as we set the gear up! "What sort o' music do you play then?' they asked, 'Folk music', 'What's that then? Mull of kintyre or summat?' We tried explaing but really, what's the fucking point? Anyway, so we set off and started the evening. At one point one of the females got up and went to the toilet "Where are you off?" said her mate, "I'm off to t'bogs!" she replied in a voice the entire pub could hear, "Well fetch us some tissues then!" "...What for?" "...Cos I've gorra fishy fanny!" again in a voice to waken the dead! (so that was just the female contingent!)
At one point as I was singing a young guy came up with a full pint of beer and stood right in front of me and looked round at his mates. I got the distinct impression it was in his mind to pour the contents of his beerglass over my head and he was looking around for backup if I should turn nasty! I gave him my evilest look and thought to myself, "This is it then, if he pours that over my head he's getting this banjo round his skull and we'll all be ending up wakening up in hospital (if at all!) Thankfully he turned away and went and sat down. Anyway, at half time as we took a well earned drink, this same guy grabbed hold of an old bloke in his 60's, got him on the floor, took his trousers down and pretended to perform a homosexual sex act on him! We had a word with the Landlord at one point, it seemed incredulous that he let things like this happen in his pub but to be quite honest he seemed frightened of his own customers, "If you think this is bad you should see 'em on a weekend!" was his reply!!! This was on a Thursday night.
Of course as the ale flowed and the night wore on they didn't want to let us off! Older looking thugs came in with a penchant for Frank Sinatra and several wanted to get up and sing into a microphone (knobheads simply LOVE microphones don't they!)their own versions of 'Ole Blue Eye's'greatest hits. Eventually the night ended after what seemed like several geological epochs and as we packed the gear away the pint wielding bum boy came up and informed us we were 'Fucking crap!'The worst bit of the night though was to come when I was paid £8 for my part in the evening! Eight fucking quid! It was shite even back in 1984! ...even on a good evening!

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,Greycap
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 07:44 PM

Any gig that I got from 'Yorkshire's Premier Agent' Mr. Johnny Wall. All the venues were appalling, the landlords and audiences were foul.
I have actually stepped over vomit outside the pubs before entering,been booked via other agents, so as to make sure that the money never was paid.
He is a liar, a crook and has no scruples whatsoever about mistreating artistes.
I'll go no further, any 'Catter who has had the misfortune to work for this guy will help me out here.....what do you say, guys?

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: the button
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 09:07 PM

I've only ever had one paid gig in my life, which was when the ceilidh band I used to sit in with when I was 12/13 gave me a fiver at the end of the night. A proud moment, not to be repeated. (Plus, it was quite a lot of money then. Ho ho).

My most disastrous floor spot was when I decided it would be a good idea to perform "Garageland" by The Clash, accompanying myself on the melodeon. (I've posted this before, but then these threads do crop up quite often).

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,Bruce Michael Baillie
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 04:54 AM

...Well, in answer to Greycap, guess who booked us in at the Brown Cow at Bramley...Johnny Wall!

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,Bruce Michael Baillie
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 05:06 AM

...Although to be scrupulously fair to Johnny Wall I've always found him to be a nice enough chap to talk to and pleasant when you met him. I spose he was just a hard nosed business man wh would do anything to get his commission. By the way Greycap, who are you? do I know you?

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,Greycap
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 10:12 AM

Hi, Bruce Baillie, I'm Roger Knowles

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: GUEST,paula t
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 11:28 AM

Stuart and I were playing a pub in Kidsgrove. Staffs. There was a rather drunk gentleman who was having a lovely time joining in the songs ( often into the microphone, with his arm round Stuart's shoulders in a comradely fashion-which doesn't make guitar playing too easy!)A friend joined us for a few ragtime numbers.
The room we were playing in was very small. There was a fireplace next to Stuart , and this guy was leaning on it sinking more pints between his "performances". We started another song - and then the guy's wife came looking for him.She proceeded to yell at him and tell him exactly what she thought. All this was taking place right next to Stuart, who had to move out of her way . Husband had heard enough. He promptly poured his new pint over her head - to incredulous gasps from "our" audience. Wife promptly replied with a creditable right hook - causing his glass to smash on my mike stand.A fist fight ensued between husband and wife until they were thrown out by the landlord.
We just kept right on singing.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Jayto
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 11:34 AM

I was playing at a place called Jack's Guitar Bar in south Nashville (Nolansville Pike if anyone is familiar with the area). I had a standing gig with a buddy of mine Chris Knight and my brother Joey. Joey was still in high school so we would "sneak" him down after school to play the gig with us. We had several labels watching and talking to us at this point so every gig was packed with different label cats. This club was also packed with bikers. The unruly type not the "I'm going to jump on my expensive bike and ride to the country club." type. Well Chris had this song that he had written about a cop from the cops point of view. It was a very good song and very emotional. Someone in the crowd requested the song and we decided to do it. I am not gonna lie we had a reputation for being unruly anyway so our crowd was uhm not the calmest. We played the song and when we were done I heard someone yell "Bag it!" Chris walked up to the mic and said "Bag what?". Then this biker dude stands up and yells "The songs about cops!" Chris never blinked and said "I was thinking about doing it again and getting you to sing harmony with me buddy!" I tapped Chris on the shoulder and said "Man, forget him let's play." Then the guy yells "Bite my ass." Chris stepped back to the mic and said "I really don't think I want to buddy!" I reiterated my desire to play another song so he started strumming some chords. We fell in behind him playing. Half way through the song he turns and says "Let's take a break I am going to kick this guy's ass." I told my brother to hang out by the Kim Richey "one of our friends I knew would watch him" and hit the door if anything breaks out. I looked up and Chris was shaking hands with this guy so I assumed everything was fine. Then I hear a loud "No man F#### you!!!" looked over and Chris knocked that guy about 4 bar stools backwards. I jumped up but before I could move about 15 label guys were on top of the biker then about 20 bikers were on top of the label guys so here I went. It was a free for all then all of a sudden boom boom boom gunshots rang out. Everybody froze solid. I looked up and the bar owner was standing there with a pistol in one hand and beer in the other laughing. He grabbed Chris and said "Chris Knight meet Harry. Harry meet Chris Knight. Now you boys get back up there and play me some music." We laughed and jumped back up onstage and finished out set. After that the song became known as the fight song. Jack (the Bar Owner well co-owner Steve Earle was part owner for a while with him) loved that song and would always request it. The deal was we would play it but he had to shoot a hole in the roof so every Monday night you would hear 1 gunshot during our gig.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 01:59 PM

Never play a St. Patrick's Day gig (in the US -- New Hampshire close to the Massachusetts line) in a bar with a mechanical bull.

Ask Curmudgeon.

Linn

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Jayto
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 02:19 PM

lol whoa my imagination can go wil d with that one man. Please elaborate or sometime I may be booked in that area walk in and see a bull and run screaming from the bar lol. C'mon tell us please.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: olddude
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 03:05 PM

Linn
No Fair, you opened the box now let it out for us, what happened!!!

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Jayto
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 06:02 PM

You can't go away all tight lipped now mister. You have a crowd requesting an encore lol c'mon fess up.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Jayto
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 06:21 PM

Ok I was contacted by a band in Gallatin Tennessee one time about auditioning for thier group. They said they knew my ex girlfriend from Seattle and she had been ranting and raving about my playing for years. The guy laughed and said that if an ex was saying nothing but good about your playing while hating you personally he figured I must be good. He listed a string of booked gigs that was already there and made a pretty decent pitch. I agreed to drive down and check them out. I didn't ask anything but assumed they were alt country or roots rock because my ex was totally into that style of music. I had also been booking heavily in the genre so I just assumed. Well you know what they say when you assume you make an ass of u and me. I pulled up at the practice place 2 hrs later and walk to the door. I was met by this super long curly haired guy with an early 80's heavy metal t-shirt that was dirtier than last months hustler magazine (at least I'm told last month was pretty bad lol) I had packed my tele and Peavey classic amp because it has more of a twang to it you catch my drift. I unpack and set up my rig. The rest of the band didn't look any different. I figured it was reject night at the local Motley Crue look-a-like bar and grill. Hating that I missed my opportunity to play Mick Mars ( the guitarist for Motley Crue) and smear mascara ( I am so lost about mascara I dont even know how to spell it lol) over my obviously stunned looking face. I slung my uhm axe?! lol over my shoulder and prepped to rock it out. We broke into some songs and it was obvious..........I was right 80's metal to the bone. I thought hey man when in Rome.... So I shredded through like it was my primary style of playing. Well we rocked hard for probably 3 hrs and believe it or not it was fun. After it was over I was packing up my gear and the lead singer (the big guy,the head honcho, the main man of musical mascara marks) approached me. I anticipated a "Dude we enjoyed it but I think we are gonna try to find somebody more suitable for the style." type of speech at which point I was fully prepared (and excited) to say well thanks for having me man and good luck this isn't really my thing anyways. So Mr. Tall Dark and Mascara-y walks up and extends his hand. I grabbed it and shook his hand firmly and looked into his blacked out eyes. "Dude,....." here it came just like I thought " You rock man we have a gig Thusday downtown in Nashville can you get there about 5pm?" yikes I had landed the job what now? I kinda laughed and told him "Man ya'll kick but it is not my thing. I appreciate ya'll inviting me to audition and all but I just can't join right now." I think I saw a tear run down his face or maybe it was just a sweat trail through his rouge blush. He tried to talk me into taking he gig but I wouldn't do it. I loaded my gear back into my caddy and turned it toward the bluegrass state. That was the last I ever saw of that band.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 11:23 AM

Red Duster [Ross campbell & myself] wer booked by Blackpool Council to play on National Music day. Our itinery was start to play at 1400. It was blowing a gale & pouring with rain.For those who don't know, Blackpool is on the Irish Sea coast. Stood on the sea front with an audience of one pigeon! Ross started playing his concertina, the pigeon looked up, then walked away!

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Bobert
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 11:50 AM

Last August at the Page County Farmer's Market... 100 degrees... I was supposed to go an hour but after about 45 minutes I was done, done, done...

B~

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: curmudgeon
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 11:56 AM

US Route 1 in Salisbury MA used to be lined with roadhouses as in NH, at that time, only hotel lounges and private clubs were allowed to serve spirits and wine. All one could do otherwise was to drink bad beer in a cafe. Now these roadhouses were not exactly "seed,y" y but rather were more like C & W honkytonks - not folk friendly. So when an agent asked me to perform solo for a St. Patrick's Day Saturday afternoon in this dive with a mechanical bull, I politely turned down the offer.

Years later, during St. Patrick Season, this same agent got me and my partner to perform at the Biddeford ME VFW. We were promised a sound system and were scheduled to play for an hour in the dining room, and an hour in the lounge . There was no sound system, just a group of elderly Franco-Americans eating corned bef and cabbage and expecting to hear Bing Crosby style Irish music. They were polite though. When we got to the lounge, we were offered some Corona, the best beer in the house. The bartender asked if we'd like lime with it. Unfortunately we assented, whereupon she opened two bottles and topped them off with Roses Lime juice. That must be the only time in my life that I made it through a whole hour on less than one beer - Tom

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: Jayto
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 12:27 PM

The Everly Brothers had a homecoming concert (actually a couple)I played all of them but one sticks out as the worst. The person (I will not put his name on here outta respect deserved or not) I was working for wanted us all to meet up and ride his bus. I only lived about 20 miles from the concert site but we had to ride the bus in. He laid it down like a golden rule YOU HAD TO RIDE THE BUS ugh. So I showed up gathered my gear on the bus and boarded. The steel guitarist was pretty happy his son and wife wanted to ride with us and the anonymous singer said it was fine. We arrived at the concert site and got out to see allt he other musicians and performers. It was alot fun as usual. The Everly Homecoming was always a fun event. By working it so many times I had got to know about everybody involved so it was good seeing everybody. Well the singer I was with was standing up front by the gates to the front signing autographs. I heard a person in the crowd yell my name and I turned around. I didn't recognize the person but smiled and said Hi waved and began to walk away. The singer yelled like he was my Dad or something at me. The started griping at me that if a fan of his wants to meet me I should come over and talk to them. Right then I knew it was gonna be a long day. I returned to the bus to cool off (from anger and the 100+ degree temp). Buddy Emmons (a steel guitar playing madman) was on the bus hangin out so I eit down and vented my frustrations about the singer yeeling at me. We laughed it off and hung out until time for me to go onstage. I got onstage and at least 30,000 people were in attendance that day. I hit the first note and boom my monitors blew. Not just my monitor every monitor on that end of the stage blew. I could not hear a thing. We had a horn section, 2 drummers, steel guitar, fiddle, everything you can think of and no monitors. The show was pure chaos but the best was yet to come. Later after the gig I walked around backstage to the bus. The only problem was the bus wasn't there. There was just a pile of gear not just mine but the entire bands gear. I found out later that the guy had to get his bus back to Nashville so the singer and his best friend/backup singer gutted all of our gear and put it in a pile and just left. The entire band plus the steel guitarist wife and 7 yr old son were stranded at the concert site with our gear. That one still makes my blood boil.

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: banjoman
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 06:52 AM

Booked to play at a wedding at Bagshot Hall Surrey(now the home of Prince Edward) which was then the home of the Army School of Chaplaincy and then owned by the late Queen Mother, where vicars and the like were trained for army duties.Arrived on time and ushered into a side room because the main wedding meal and speeches were still going on. An hour later we were allowed to set up in a cramped space under the main staircase. The place was full of clerical gentlemen (including a few bishops) all the worse for a day of drinking. One fell over and broke an antique table. We had finally played for two dances when the groom (Rev. John TEE) ordered us to stop and said he wouldnt pay us as we had only come to get at his drinks and that we had destroyed an heirloom table belonging to the Queen Mother and stubbed out cigarettes on the parquet floor. As a non drinker I was a bit miffed as were the rest of the band (all non smokers) who had not even been offered so much as a cup of tea let alone anything from the bar.
We were "escorted" of the premises by the private security company employed to guard the place, and later indulged in a series of very nasty letters with said John Tee.
I will always remember this as the worst gig ever and the only one we never got paid for.
I just hope that when he finishes his army service Mr Tee is appointed to a Parish near me as I would still like a few words with him. God Bless all who profess Christian values and practice them

Subject: RE: Worst gig ever.
From: john f weldon
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 07:52 AM

By "words" I presume you mean "punch up the conk".