Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys

Subject: Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 06:27 AM

I was listening to the apparently everlasting Rolf Harris on Radio 4 this morning. There is going to be a re-launch of his biggest hit 'Two Little Boys'.
Suddenly there came to my mind a parody heard many years ago, and I wonder if any Mudcatters can let me have the words.

Two little boys had two little toys
Each had a cross cut [?] saw.

a few lines, then.

One little chap then had a mishap
He cut his left leg off.
...................?
...................?

The chorus started.

Did you think I would leave you hobbling?
And he cut off his right leg too

etc etc.


JM

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys
From: Acorn4
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 12:54 PM

I can remember one which uses innuendo by missing out some of the words - it was on one of the radio satire programmes:-

"Two little boys had two little ****
Each had a wooden****
Gaily they'd play, each summer's day
**** both of course"

Gets funnyish when they get to the line

Someday we'll both be soldiers and our **** will not be toys.

I seem to remember it supposedly being from "The Rolf Harris Dirty Songbook". If you've got the original words it woud be possible to reconstruct it from this.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys
From: Silas
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 12:57 PM

Acorn4 that was the legendary Humph - @I'm sorry I havent a clue'

Great stuff!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys
From: HuwG
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 01:31 PM

Billy Connolly did another version at the 1978 "The Secret Policeman's Ball" dedicated to all those who "fell downstairs" under questioning at Glasgow Central Police Station.


Two little boys had two little toys
A whistle and a helmet blue
And when they were wee
It was plain to see
What they'd grow up into

They were kicking other wains*
Bashing in their brains
And shopping** everybody too "It was him! it was him!"
They didn't reform, they're in uniform
They're two little boys in blue

(Chorus)
Did you think I would leave you lying
When I can lie my arse off too
If somebody squawks in the witness box
I'll cover up for you
I'll tell a pack of lies, pull the wool over their eyes
The way the sergeant taught us to
Before you count to three, we'll be off scot free
We're two little boys in blue

Now the duty sergeant said, tuck the prisoners into bed
But before you take their cocoa through
Kick them in the cells, hit them where it tells
But don't leave them black and blue

You can kick them in the balls, bounce their heads off all the walls
Bash them on the kidneys too
Hit them on the legs and thighs, but don't give them black eyes
Or you'll be a prisoner too

(Chorus)

Now if you see them on the beat, as they swagger down your street
Here's a piece of advice for you
Don't trust to luck - Run! like the clappers
From the two little boys in blue

(Chorus)


* = small children (wee 'uns)
** = grassing upon, informing

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys
From: Brian Peters
Date: 10 Nov 08 - 02:20 PM

Years ago I did a gig with the almost legendary Mossley Dukes in a bikers' pub in Ashton-under-Lyne. The atmosphere was intimidating, but despite getting off to a bad start as an acoustic band in a venue accustomed to loud rock and blues ("We can't f***ing hear you!!"), we finally won them over. When we'd finished and were putting our gear away, they began their own community singing session, which consisted of them forming a circle, arms around the next man's shoulders, and belting out 'Delilah' and suchlike in a drunken cacophony. Their big favourite, performed every week, was Rolf's hit, as follows:

Long years had passed, war came so fast
Bravely they marched away
Cannon roared loud, and in the mad crowd
Wounded and dying lay
Up goes a shout, a horse dashes out
Out from the ranks so blue
Gallops away to where Joe lay
Then came a voice he knew........

GET UP YER SOFT BASTARD!!!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys
From: allanwill
Date: 11 Nov 08 - 12:45 AM

Without trying to dampen this thread in any way, this song is very poignant ( is that how you spell it?) on this our (Australia's) most nationalistic day, where we celebrate our coming of age at Gallopili and the Western Front during WW1.

Allan

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 11 Nov 08 - 02:43 AM

Rolf Harris is re-rereleasing the original "Two Little Boys" to raise money for the British Legion in remembrance of those who died in the wars.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Nov 08 - 04:42 AM

I imagine this is the version you are looking for.
Regards


TEN LITTLE TOES

Two little boys had two little toys,
Each had a crosscut saw,
Gaily they played, sawing away,
They ripped and they tore.
Then poor little Jack, he had a mishap,
He hacked off his own left leg!
He hobbled about, he screamed and shouted,
Till his young playmate said:

"Did you think I would leave you hobbling?"
As he hacked off Jack's right leg too!
"Climb up here, Jack, a bit of cobbling,
And you'll be just as good as new.
When we grow up we'll both be lumberjacks
And we'll cut down the trees in rows.
Do you think you will ever remember
When you had ten little toes?"

Long years passed, lumberjacks at last
Both of the boys became.
Sawing away till that fateful day,
When the forest was all aflame.
Joe got caught; he struggled and fought,
But he couldn't get away.
He'd resigned himself to a fiery death,
When gladly he heard jack say:

"Did you think I would leave you frying?"
And he hacked off both Joe's legs too.
"Climb up here Joe we'll soon be flying,
For my tin legs will see us through.
Can't you see, Joe, I'm all a-trembling,
Do you think it's the fires red glow?
No, Joe, it's that I'm remembering
When I had ten little toes!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Nov 08 - 05:47 AM

That's the one, thanks Guest.

JM

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Parody of Two Little Boys
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 11 Nov 08 - 02:58 PM

Back to Nov 10, 12:57: it wasn't Humph on 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' (or at least not first): it was 'Tim Brooke Taylor, John Cleese, David Hatch, Jo Kendall and Bill Oddie' on 'I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again'. Maybe not the funniest sketch they ever did, but the same trick worked well with Tom Jones' 'It's Not Unusual' ('to have *** with anyone'.) Happy days.